well here I am again. Feeling helpless
and all alone. I have been depressed
most of my life. I am finally on
medication and have had extensive therapy
with the doc. I just started to feel
better when all of the sudden bam!!! my baby sister had
a brain anyursim (blood clot burst in the
brain) right in front of me in the mall
and was rushed by helicopter to only
receive surgery where they took out part
of her brain (frontal lobe - too much
damage). I was advised to get a brain
scan myself.... And what do you know!!!!
They found something on my brain stem. I
go to see the nerosurgeon in two weeks to
discuss what this may be with my husband.
I am frightened and am constantly crying
now. I am back in the bloody hole
again!!!! I hate this. I have been
on effexor xr for about a year now.....
300mg a day and had felt better for a
while. It was nice to get up in the
morning get my kids off and deal with my
day. Now I wonder if I am going to make
it through the night. This could be a
tumor of some sort, or a blood clot too.
I have to wait 2 more weeks to hear all
about it. My mother lost her job and has
to retire earlier than she wanted too - my
grandmother just broke her hip and is now
in a nursing home to wait out her days.
(by the way I am pretty close to her) I
am scared. does anybody have
any advise on how to handle this all at
once like this. I am sick and tired of
hearing ("everything will be alright") ya
bloody easy for them to say huh?
All I want to be is happy and live my life
as normal as possible like most of us out
there.
Please god help me through this - is he
going to take me - or should I take me
before that?
|
STLSingleMomma
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2003 Posts: 30 Location: St. Louis, MO
Posted: 10-16-03 09:45am
First of all, gobby - ****hugs****
i know that can't fix anything, but it
helps a teeny bit.
You have a lot going on right now, even
someone without depression would feel
overwhelmed with grief and anxiety, so
first off, your reactions to everything
going on are normal... Just remember
that...
I know it's easier said than done, but try
to find some time every day to write down
all the good things that are going on.
You have a loving husband that is there
for you, your sister is still alive, she
may be different, but she is still here...
You have "something" on your brain stem
- that is scary, but hopefully you caught
it early and can do something about it...
(that is a good thing, I think.. It would
have been worse if you didn't know about
it)...
I lost my grampa last year, I know it is
hard... While we weren't as close as we
would have been (he lived in
massachusetts, I live in missouri), the
loss is still hard...
I have found when things are so
overwhelming I can't even talk about them
- I write about them.... I'd take 30-45
minutes or so and just write everything
down that i'm feeling... It really
helps...
Email me if you like.. I'm here.
good luck,
--stlsinglemomma
|
Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1571 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 102
Thanked:169
You Are Gonna Just Fine............... Posted: 12-05-03 10:44am
Gobby, believe in miracles. I am a living
miracle. First I am on effexor xr. Have
been well over a year. I had a cerebral
anuresym 4 years ago feb 3. Frontal lobe,
a crainiotomy, and now have a state of the
art titanium clip in my head. 3 years
ago, had malignant melanoma removed from
the back of my left leg. Have been thru 2
abusive marriages, lost several close
members of my family (my grandmother whom
I was close) died from the result of the
same type of brain anuresym I had.How is
your sister? My short term memory is shot
to hell, numbers totally confuse me and I
do forget a lot. I have headaches a lot.
As for you, and the spot they have found,
this could very well be nothing. Believe
in the power of god, prayer and miracles!
I'll stop here............Just want you
to know sweetie, you are not alone. I
believe in god, jesus christ and angels.
I also know how precious life is. I have
learned to appreciate what I have now,
because it could be taken away at the drop
of a hat. We tend to take things for
granted in this life. You need to focus
on whats really important in life. You
have a family. You have a husband who
needs you, you have children, who need
you. You can't rely on anyone else in
this life to make you happy, this is
something you have to do yourself. It
took me 46 years to learn to appreciate
this life god has allowed me to live. I
do remember wishing I were dead, I hated
my life, I felt useless and life was not
worth living. I try to live each day as
if it were my last. If something bad
comes up, I try to find something good
about it. We choose how to take the
things in life. We have a choice. We can
either make something good of it or wallow
in self pitty. I do feel guilty now at
times for asking god to please just allow
me to die. Now, I get up every morning
and thank him for allowing me to hear the
birds, see the sun rise, feel the autum
wind blow on my face. Thankful I have my
husband and daughter and friends to hug.
I wish I could just hug you and make all
the pain go away. I know your pain, I
just keep it way back out of sight. My
shrink says I try to make everyone around
me laugh and keep them happy because it
allows me to mask all the hurt I have
inside....Whatever works. Just want you
to remember....You are never alone! We
are here for you!!!!!!!God bless you and
your family.
|
qqakai
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Aug 2008 Posts: 21
Open your heart Posted: 08-14-08 03:34am
Poor guy...Don't be panic. I feel that
most people might have suffered a period
of depression in his/her life. While your
period seems quite long. There might be
many reason.
Even it might be your fate, but you can
still fight. Try some positive things. The
research shows that the gloomy mood has
some relationship with personal
dissatisfaction.
Know why some people always happy even
they live in poor country? Because they
have faith, they care more about their
soul , not their belongs. It can give you
a clue. Maybe you can try to participate
some sort of community activy, charity
forum or find something, especially arts,
to purify your soul.
Post your tension and fear on public forum
to get more help.
Anyway, it's your own campaign. Defeat the
evil in your heart!!
well here I am again. Feeling helpless
and all alone. I have been depressed
most of my life. I am finally on
medication and have had extensive therapy
with the doc. I just started to feel
better when all of the sudden bam!!! 
my baby sister had
a brain anyursim (blood clot burst in the
brain) right in front of me in the mall
and was rushed by helicopter to only
receive surgery where they took out part
of her brain (frontal lobe - too much
damage). I was advised to get a brain
scan myself.... And what do you know!!!!
They found something on my brain stem. I
go to see the nerosurgeon in two weeks to
discuss what this may be with my husband.
I am frightened and am constantly crying
now. I am back in the bloody hole
again!!!! I hate this. I have been
on effexor xr for about a year now.....
300mg a day and had felt better for a
while. It was nice to get up in the
morning get my kids off and deal with my
day. Now I wonder if I am going to make
it through the night. This could be a
tumor of some sort, or a blood clot too.
I have to wait 2 more weeks to hear all
about it. My mother lost her job and has
to retire earlier than she wanted too - my
grandmother just broke her hip and is now
in a nursing home to wait out her days.
(by the way I am pretty close to her) I
am scared. 
does anybody have
any advise on how to handle this all at
once like this. I am sick and tired of
hearing ("everything will be alright") ya
bloody easy for them to say huh?
