There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.
The hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to him. "you are hunting me, i'll bet", said the bear. "you may choose your punishment. Either I will maul you to death or !**@! you up the arse!"
the hunter didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and the hunter returned to his cabin.
The next day, the hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again, the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and took what the beast had to offer.
The third day, the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a choice again, but this time the bear just said, "you're not really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!
sex in a boat = oargasms
sex with a nerd = dorkgasms
sex at the entrance to your house = doorgasms
sex on the carpet or linoleum = floorgasms
sex at the supermarket = storegasms
sex with wild pigs = boargasms
sex at a stephen king movie = horrorgasms
sex with a prostitue = whoregasms
sex with a storyteller = loregasms
sex with an accountant = boregasms
sex while sleeping = snoregasms
sex with arthur = dudley mooregasms
sex with cartoon donkeys = eeyoregasms
sex while broke = poorgasms
sex with a lion = roargasms
sex for hours and hours on end = soregasms
sex on a golf course = foregasms
sex with a nymphomaniac = ready for moregasms
sex in a gold mine = oregasms
sex with a dermatologist = poregasms
sex with the vice president = al goregasms
sex with chocolate marshmallows = s'moregasms
sex with a bullfighter = toreadorgasms
sex with a masked man carrying a sword = zorogasms
sex on the beach = shoregasms
sex when you get an award = honogasms
sex at an all you can eat buffet = smorgasbordgasms
sex on a cruise ship deck = shuffleboardgasms
sex in asia = singaporegasms
sex among the wonders of the world = outdoorgasms
sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
sex on the way to the train = all aboardgasms
sex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
sex during hay fever season = sporegasms
sex using plastic cutlery = sporkgasms
sex with a medieval poet = troubadorgasms
sex in an adult theater = hardcoregasms
sex with conquering spaniards = conquistadorgasms
sex with someone not paying attention = ignorgasms
sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
sex in a firehouse = firedoorgasms
sex with an icelandic singer = bjorkgasms
sex with the host of a horrible t.V. Show = pauly shoregasms
sex with a cookie = oreogasms
sex while flying = soargasms
sex with a bugle player = horngasms
sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = abortgasms
sex with a beloved partner = adoregasms
sex with a meat eater = carnivoregasms
sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = pompadoregasms
sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = velourgasms
sex while sightseeing = tourgasms
sex with a big dog = labradorgasms
sex with beavs and butthead = gonnascoregasms
sex during an earthquake = tremorgasms
sex on farm implements = tractorgasms
sex with thomas edison = inventorgasms
sex with a construction worker = contractorgasms
sex at a symphony orchestra = conductorgasms
sex with a person who examines dead bodies = coronergasms
sex on the stairs at the mall = escalatorgasms
sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = liquorgasms
sex with a possessive partner = yourgasms
sex with frankenstein's assistant = igorgasms
sex with three of your friends = fourgasms
sex with a norse god = thorgasms
sex when resistance is futile = borggasms
sex without a climax = nogasms
it's your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now
do what you want = you'll pay for this later
we need to talk = I need to complain
sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to
i'm not upset = of course i'm upset, you person!
You're ... So manly = you need a shave and you sweat a lot
you're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about??
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
do you love me? = i'm going to ask for something expensive
how much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
i'll be ready in a minute = kick off your shoes and find a good game on tv
is my butt fat? = tell me i'm beautiful
you have to learn to communicate = just agree with me
are you listening to me?? = too late, you're dead
i'm hungry = i'm hungry
i'm sleepy = i'm sleepy
i'm tired = i'm tired
do you want to go to a movie? = i'd eventually like to have sex with you
can I take you out to dinner? = i'd eventually like to have sex with you
can I call you sometime? = i'd eventually like to have sex with you
may I have this dance? = i'd eventually like to have sex with you
nice dress = nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
what's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
i'm bored = do you want to have sex?
I love you = let's have sex now
i love you, too = okay, I said it...We'd better have sex now!
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
i don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay
a young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "well," he said, "i've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And i've got a feeling i'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." the young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "you never told me that you were such a religious person."
he leans over to her and says, "you never told me that your father is a pharmacist."