Hi
i want to help you but don't know if I can.
I have some similar things.
I point my finger and say or think: ' I will kill you (all)!'
'you motherf******!!' and other swearing (to 'them')(people who aren't there, or the very few times when I walk in the street among other people but then it is not directed to them but to the ones in my mind/memory??)

and I think I have that same look in my eyes as you mentioned. It is full of hate. But undernieth it I think I feel sad. I sometimes want to cry, feel the need to cry but I can't.
I think this comes from the fact that my father and brother were very hostile to me at home.
I sometimes feel that I want to be violent against people, to hurt them.
I think that thats what I want. I think that I will feel good by doing that.


And othertimes I say to myself :' I wanna go out of here' 'i wanna go away from here'
i am not sure that that's a voice in my head or me thinking that in some way, but it is not my 'normal thinking'.

I went to a psychiatrist and he said I have schizofrenia and advised me abilify (15 mg). According to him it will get rid of those thougts I have. So I have to use it for at least a year he said. I am 30 years of age.
But I still didn't start taking them because I think I don't trust his diagnose completly and maybe even more important, I think that by starting using this drug I will loose my chance to heal normally. Heal the right way, whichever that is.

Well this is my way of asking help. I can not even open my own topic.

Don't worry dukez0r, I have disturbing thoughts also.... I like to release my rage through playing fighting games or rpg's on ps2. It means less trouble w/ the authorities!! Hahahh

Oh my god! Your husband sounds exactly like my dad! Are you my mom?

My dad can be very munipulating. He's munipulated my grandma (mom's side) and now she's against her own daughter (my mom).
He always talks to himself. I would lay asleep upstairs and hear him whispering to himself downstairs. He used to say jokes or practise saying intelligent things but now he just cusses.

i'm just like you, except i'm 17 and have not gone to a psychiatrist yet. I have those thoughts to real people though. He thinks you need meds for the thoughts? I wonder if meds would help me. I want to cry but I can't. I want help because it's painful but I don't want help because I want to see how far I can take myself.

I want to kill people, too. I don't think I would ever do it. I think it would make me feel better though.

I'm a christian. I tend to have different conflicting opinions at different times: when i'm not fantasizing about killing, i'm thinking how horrible people that do it are! It's weird

Hey,

your husband seems to be like a manic-depressive type?

I'm not an expert.

But I have a brother who does a lot of the stuff you wrote there. My bro yells a lot and cusses loud (especially when no one is around) when he by himself. He's so loud that neighbors can probably hear him. I don't know if he still is like this.

It seems to stem from having good but perhaps not very satisfying to him jobs.

So my ignorant advice: maybe your husband should seek anger management or a therapist and get checked for something like that manic depression?

Josh