I'm fifteen years old. In august, I became sexually active. My boyfriend had a small penis (about four inches), and that's the way I liked it. For some reason, i've always been extraordinarily tight (when compared to other virgins my age). I "excercise" (sp?) my muscles (i've heard it called a pc muscle) all day long, and i've always masturbated for at least two hours a day.


I never used anything big. Small things (hairbrush handles) are more than enough.


After I left that boyfriend (because my ocd/manic-depressive/passive-agressive nature was making me upset to a point where I thought I should just go for a change), I was with someone who I thought had a huge dick. His penis is about 6-6.5 inches big, and that was probably my limit (it was fun).


Now i've recently (saturday) met someone whom i've immediately grown attached to. It has been less than a week, and within our first three nights of knowing eachother, we've had sex seven times).


The first time, before anything happened, he told me that he had hurt every girl that he had intercourse with (which he seems to feel guilty about). I got the impression that his other sexual experiences weren't satisfying.


Now, me - i'm a nymphomanic. I'm told that i'm really good at everything I do, and even when i'm tired, there's always plenty of energy set aside for sex. My boyfriend's been having a lot of fun, as if he's feeling something he's never really felt before. And I think he likes that he makes me orgasm.


Well, we've been interrupted enough times that I haven't gotten laid at all over the past three days, and for once - i'm glad for it. Because even though intercourse with ted does hurt (sortof in a good way), I thought that it would only hurt while we were doing it... Not after.


It looked like something I would get used to (and though i'm really ocd about staying tight and do not want to become loose, I think the impressions I make on this boy are influencing him in a good way. .), but now i'm in extreme pain.


It hurts to go to the bathroom (because using toilet paper/touching myself at all makes the pain flair up). I'm told that because of the moisture, it will take weeks, if not longer to heal. Also, upon examining myself in a small mirror, i've confirmed that the pain is a result of (external) skin tearing.


If I said my clit was the top of my vagina (hehe, funny word), then the part that tore would be at the bottom. In my quest for answers, I learned that this same spot tears during childbirth, and that doctors stitch it up. This has defeated my will to one day procreate.


Anyway, when delivering a baby, this area is said to tear pretty far (which makes sense, because my wound is about 1mm deep , and it'd be impractical as well as impossible to use stitches) - and though my little tear (because, if you don't understand so far, my skin couldn't stretch enough to accomodate his penis - so it ripped) is just that - little - it hurts like a health related. Honestly, you know how papercuts are so small but are also very painful? It's like that.


To wrap things up and include everything else you need to know, i'm young. I'd never been with someone so big (i had to buy magnum condoms >.<): his penis is about 8 or 9 inches big. We use lots of lubrication, and internally, there is no pain. I have not bled at all (at least not to my knowledge). I do not currently have health insurance and have no way of getting around, even if I did tell my mother (who is a lawyer and works all day long, even on weekends). I have a phobia about doctors. They frighten me. I had a bad experience as a young girl (male doctors scare the hell out of me and women intimidate me, though I have done well with one or two female physicians).


Things to consider whilst giving advice (god, i'm so obsessive-compulsive):

- I don't have the heart to tell that he's hurt me. I don't want to let him down, and it's very important.


- i'm not used to going this long without sex/masturbation. My clitoris is too sensitive to touch much and I can't get off with just that. Anal usually helps, but it's taking me a few days to ease back into the habit.


- because we've come so close to getting caught, he wants us to slow down for a little while (no more three times a night when parents are home).


- I have strep throat and it has been stressful for lately, so I can put off sex with my guy for the next couple days.


- again, internally, i'm fine. Entry is the only problem, even with mass amounts of ky jelly.


- due to a combination of fear, inconvenience, and lack of insurance - going to a doctor is my last resort (honestly, mom doesn't help get anything done even when she knows there's a problem. My wisdom teeth have been coming in for months, and everytime I eat something crunchy - like pringles or something - all of my teeth get sore. Mom still hasn't had time enough from work to get me to a dentist).


- I prefer being the one who gets cut-off, rather than the one who does it to their partner. I like being more than he can handle.


Is new skin unsafe for this? I tried to find some, but I think I have to ask my mom where it is some night when she's around (it should say on the bottle).


Please let me know if anyone has had a similar experience.