Hey girls.... How is everybody doing?? I just need to vent right now!!

Well me and my mom are suppose to go to austriala in feb or march....*my dad and his side of the family lives there and my 3 half sisters too* he is going to pay for me and my nana and papa are gonna pay for my mom. My mom doesnt have the money to pay for herself. When he asked me I was so exitced!! I have only seen my dad once in grade 7. I would love to see my family I never thought I would. Well lately I have been thinking about I am not sure if I want to go there anymore... Like its taken him 17 years to ask me to go there?? Like what!! Err angers me off.

When I saw him in grade 7 I was sooo happy I couldnt belive my dad was right there... Him and my mom were thinking about getting back toghther like I never thought I would acutlly have a mom and a dad... I was so happy... Than when he went back to austriala me and my mom found out he was .M.A.R.R.I.E.D. And she was 8 months preggy!! everything he told us was a lie.... I can not trust him and I never will...

When my mom and dad were married he cheated on her many times and while she was preggy with me. Hes also an achloic(sp?) and he use to do coke... Well my mom lefted him and came back to canada and had me... I was always mad at my mom for leaving him when I was younger.... Becuase all my friends had a mom and a dad.... But when I was 10 she finally told me I had a half sister.... I was so angry at her for not telling me b4 than... Than my mom explain to me how my dad was.... I am so happy now that she lefted him... My life would of been so differnt.... Never really getting to see my nana and papa that I love so much...

My dad now has a new wife kate and they have 3 almost 4 year old twin girls peri and jamie.... She was a b*tch when I called him once...

Ok well I am not sure if I wanna go to austriala like thats not my family... My family is my mom nana and papa... Like im scared to go cuz its gonna be so hard to leave them.... God I am crying right now ... My dad never wanted anything to do with me and now all of a sudden he does?? And my dads family is very mean like I am fat and I know it and they will tell me if I am ya know? I need to loose weight b4 I go there and I dont know if I will be able to....

Sorry this is long and very confusing... I just needed to vent...You dont have to post if you dont want too... Ahhh life sux right now... I feel like sh*t I feel so ugly and fat.... Like I wish I was skinney and all my probmlems(sp?) would be gone... So many people call me ugly and it hurts so much...I have been called fat and ugly my whole life... I just want people to look at me and think im pretty...... No guys at school look at me... They look at the pretty skinney girls.... F*ck sorry this is soooo long I needed to do this....

.Alison xoxo