Pregnancy Community Chat Forum - Parent/child Question...

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Q: Parent/child Question...

asked by: jessamyn on November 3rd, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Okay heres my thing... I was a daddys girl when I was realll little like born-3 years old... But when I was 3 my parents got a divorce because my dad left... Took off and left my mom with 3 little kids... So yeah after that he was gone for a year and my mom just convinced me he was never coming back... And from then on I actually called my moms best friend dad for years.... When my dad came back he only popped in and out like the longest he stayed was a year (7- Cool

but he was in and out would see him for 2 weeks then nothing I never got anything from him never a card or a letter or anything he'd show up like take up to family fun center or the beach or something then leave... So when I just turned 9 he officially took off... And I didnt see him for years... I think he called my mom like once or twice but shes like I dont want u hurting them... So like I basically havent seen him since I was 9 however when I was a freshmen I contacted him and told him I was at a highschool down the street from his house watching my bf's basketball game he said hed be there in 5 minutes... We sat around for like 4 hours and he was a no show... So yeah I gave up on him

but as some of you know its been another 4 years and now i'm out of my moms house so I dont have to hide it (i never told her I called him as a freshmen) my brothers all hate him and what not and would like forbid me to see him and like my mom too...

I mean I called her friend dad till I was like 14 or 15 he moved right before I turned 15 to washington so I dont talk to him as much and my step dad I barely call him jay let alone dad... So I havent really had a father figure and i'm not used to it... I've never bought a fathers day card or said "yeah my dads picking me up" non of that... So my question is...

Paul had me reunite with my dad... He only lives like 10 minutes from my moms house (no like 40 from me) and yeah its been working so far this time I didnt call him or anything paul and I just showed up and its been about a month or two talking to him... I showed up and his wife was outside and I was gunna leave but she saw me and I was like medical question! So I got out and then walked up and was like your gunna be a grandma it was weird but I thought they had a right to know... My dad say me and just melted and hugged and said he loved me and just kept saying wow...

Okay blah i'll get to the point I know once your dad always your dad but I dont know this man... I have no parent/child relationship with him.. And I have to keep it from my family... Do I call him dad? Continue calling him bill? I mean ive grown up started to get over the fact he ditched me my whole life and have accepted him as a person hes lied to me my whole life and I dunno ive grown up but what do I do? Hes not a parent to me rather a stranger I just met...

Any ideas..

Sorry that ook me so long to get out theres sooo many stories behind that man

Replies(22)

pitterpatter

replied on November 3rd, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

Omg!! Jess your story is identical to mine. To a t! My dad and I have the same exact story. I've thought about what I would do when I have kids if I would even tell him or what not. Anyways, I think this whole thing is up to you. If he seems to keep his promise and what not than go for it, but be careful cause his past behavior will predict his future behavior. As far as the dad thing I don't call my dad dad at all because he's not. He's my parent as far as producing me, but he's not my dad. A dad is what he should have been and even though it bothers him that I don't call him that he needs to understand why. I know him less than a next door neighbor. If he wanted to be called dad he would have been there from the beginning. That's my opinon though! My dad is my stepdad. He's fathered me and been there for me and he's seen me grow up. He know's my little niches in life and what scares me. That's dad! Do what you want girl, but just be careful. If your dad is like mine, which it sounds like he is. He'll mess things up eventually and you don't want to get hurt. My dad would lie to me all the time, but I decided that he wasn't going to have the option to even do that. Anyways, if you ever need to talk pm me. Hope this helps!

jessamyn

replied on November 3rd, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Yeah but I dont call my step dad dad either.. Thanks for responding babe... Its sooo weird because like i'll call his house and be like is bill there and occasionally they will be like who is this? I am like uhhh jess his uhhh daughter I feel sooo weird saying that :-/

LaDybUglOve

replied on November 3rd, 2004

Experienced User

Wow

very sad story jessa. I can just begin to imagine how you must feel. My mom and dad separated when I was 1, but luckily I have kept pretty close to him. Dude I cant even imagine calling him by his first name lol Laughing

would be just so strange.

I honestly think you should follow your heart. For now you most probably feel more comfortable calling him bill, then so be it. I mean you cant expect to just start calling him dad from one day to another. (well u can if u want) but seriously hes just starting to be in your picture again, it will take time for you to see him more as dad then bill. With time you will see how he reacts, maybe he starts making up for all those years and you will feel like calling him something rather than his name. Maybe a nickname, and then maybe with more time it will feel more subconsions to just call him dad. Only time will tell hunn. But no matter what just remember he will always be your father. Nothing can change that, not a name or a feeling, not the way he treats you or the way he acts, nothing. So just try to make the best of this reunion, and dont worry about calling him something in particular. Just go with what ever comes out at the moment. (hopefully nothing bad lol) Smile

i hope ive helped yah out a bit, I probaby make no sense to you. Oh and I misspelled a bunch of words sorry lol!!

Love yah ,
.. Stephanie ..

pitterpatter

replied on November 4th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

I don't call my step dad dad either, but I consider him more of a dad than my real dad. I would just go with whatever is comfortable to go with.

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Thanks guys Smile

muah

nippz

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Aww im happy you reunited with ur padre. I dunno though, I bet if you called him dad he'd feel happy inside (:

mooma2binmarch

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Do what ever makes you feel comfortable. I haven't talked to my father in over 3 years (if you wonder why its cuz he was drunk and killed my bro and my sis they were 14 and 17) my step father is an arse, and my mother is a gold digger. So all in all I have my in-laws and they are a great family. I call my mil mom and my fil dad. But before all that happened with my dad, I hadn't talked to him for like 2 yrs, and when I started talking to him agian I called him ron. About 6 month later the accident happened, so that was it (just so you know, he was never charged with thier deaths because legally it was another cars "fault" just because they hit him from behind, but it really was his fault believe me) he lives about 20 minutes from me and will get liquored up and call me and try to talk tome, but no way......

.R.I.P. Amber leigh ( 2-21-84)
bryston allen (4-05-87)

lil_blaze2004

replied on November 4th, 2004

Supporter

Jessa, I can totally relate to your story except I really don't want anything to do with my father. My mom got re-married this year and I just met my step-dad for the first time when I went to visit them at the end of the summer (they live at the other end of the country) I asked my mom if my step-dad paul (lol-that's his name, seems to be very common around here) would adopt me (i am 25 years old) I would have to change my name and everything but for me I would rather be related to him than my father.

Jessa it's up to you, what do you feel comfortable calling him??? Yes he is your father but is he your dad????? There is a diff. Father=sperm dad=love (at least that's how I look at it)

mooma-i'm very sorry for the sh*t your father must have put you through.

Ok i'll be back after-my co workers just ordered lunch and I gotta go in a diff office because the smell.. Ew

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Omg mooma I feel like a brat whining about my dad when your dad put you thru that! I am soooo sorry.... Ive lost close loved ones and I know how it is but I couldnt image if it was ur father behind the wheel! Forever in my prayers....
R.I.P

mooma2binmarch

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Lol, didn't mean to bum anyone out, just sharing experiences. Lets get happy!

rlr79

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Okay, so my hubby had the same thing happen with his dad...He took off when they were little and just got an occasional phone call, if that...So his dad wanted to come back into his life when he was a teenager, and he flat out he could call or come over whenever he wanted, but told him never to tell him what to do because he wasn't a "dad" for all those years. Now, 13 years later, they have a good relationship and he actually works with him sometimes. I think the bottom line is that whatever your dad did or didnt do when you were little, you just need to follow your heart on what to do next. It's up to you how close of a relationship you want to have with him, and you're grown up enough that you can make those decisions without having to hide it from the rest of your family. Your brothers don't have to talk to him just because you do.

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Yeah I just have a feeling the baby may bring us closer together agian

Ixannahsmom

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

I totally understand jess I grew up with out my dad there I mean he would call everyonce in a while and send me b-day cards but he always lived far away then when I was 12 I went to live with him (yeah that is a whole nother story) anyway it was really weird like I didn't know weather to call him dad or tom so for the 2 years I lived there I avoided calling him anything I would just find some way around it like I would just look at him and start talking and hope he was listening. I always thought he was awful and I hated him for a long time and it wasn't until 2 years ago that he came down and visited me for the summer and I got to know him as an adult and I realized he was a great person and that he did love me all along he just wasn't ready to be a dad when I was little ( he was 17 when I was born) now I have a great relationship with him and I even call him dad which was totally weird at first. So I dunno do what ever feels comfortable to you. Just take it one day at a time and try to build a relationship with him even if it's just friends I mean you are an adult now and not really in need of a daddy but they are always nice to have :d

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I dunno carissa u always comfort me hahah Smile

thanks hun

Ixannahsmom

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Hey no problem babe I probably bore you more than anyting with my long replies but hey whatever I can do to help ya out sista!! Wink

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Hey babe whats ixannahs middle name I just thought of the perfect match ixannah liesel

Ixannahsmom

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Lol you are too funny always thinkin! :d it's her name is ixannah reianne (pronounced rayanne) luvlyne ramirez. I know she is gonna hate me when she gets older. So she has two middle names.

jessamyn

replied on November 4th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Omg I am in love with her name shes gunna grow up and be some exotic hottie and have the most superb name!

Ixannahsmom

replied on November 4th, 2004

Experienced User

Aww thanks I love her name too there were so many good names and I just couldn't narrow it down any further so she got all three. Eveyrone in my fam thought I was crazy but I didn't care. I love her name!!! Now I have to come up with another name liek that for this one!!! I don't know hers is hard to beat!!! Any suggestions???? I need a boy and a girl name I want a boy but I am thinking it's a girl. Either way I am happy rj said we could have 5 so that is 3 more after this one. I am sure I will get a boy in there some where Wink

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