Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

My Husband Wants a Threesome (Page 1)

The other night during sex my husband asked me if I ever thought of having a threesome. This has completely broken me. I would never even consider it. Now I dont know what to think. We've never had any problems in the sex department before but now I feel as if I cant satisfy him or that he doesnt really love me or that he wants to have sex with someone else. Am I reading too much into this?
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper User Profile meblonde01
|

replied November 2nd, 2004
Experienced User
There are a lot of men out there that think about threesomes. I have before, however I would never bring up the subject and I know that would ruin the relationship even if she agreed. Your husband just made a mistake by talking aloud about it. He probably has been watching porn or heard a buddy or something. Good luck.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 3rd, 2011
Yes, a lot of men think of threesomes in their minds, but if your husband knows that you don't want to engage in that activity, he should not force you into it in any way; he should love you too much to do that to you, or kick him to the curb! Morally, it is wrong, and emotionally, it would affect you negatively for a long time, if it's against your will.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 2nd, 2004
Experienced User
Don't worry about it. I think most men think about it at some point. It probably isn't that he is not satisfied with you or you are doing anything wrong. Don't let it ruin what you have. From what my hubby has said and from friends I know- most guys have a "dream" of being with 2 chics. I'm not sure what the major turn on is- but they think it nonetheless.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 2nd, 2004
You Cool
First of all from what I have learned that is every mans or at least the majority of mens fantacy. Now as far the actual thought you are right to eighty-6 the idea because your body is a temple and you sex is sacred and intimate for you and you man and for him to suggest that was kind of selfish knowing that you weren't that type of girl I had a friend to had a threesome to satisfy her man with her friend and him and friend had ongoing sessions so I wouldn't gamble on that and if he feels as if he can't satisfied any other way tell em two fingaz! Now I will advise you to speak with him about the situation lack of communication will not get you any where see if there is anything else that may spice up your sex life becuase he is definately hinting at more variety in your sex life! Holla back and let me know the outcome! Twisted Evil much luv!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I agree that many guys think about threesomes,but when it comes down to it,it is just a fantasy.I think many guys would not like to see their wife/girlfriend enjoying someone more than then them.It all sounds good on paper,but in reality, there are usually more problems when there are three in the bed.I knew a woman who left her husband for the other guy that he brought home for her!!I also know a woman who left her boyfriend for the woman who was in the threesome.Let him have his fantasy in his head,if he persists on an actual threeway,tell him the reasons why you do not want it.Good luck!Patty
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 23rd, 2011
husband reqiested mff threesome
Hi I've been with my husband since 05 now and we are a perfect couple. With his ex wife he had some what of a threesome. Wasn't the ideal kind. His wife proposed the question and he was a bit thrown off by it but he thought well if that will make her happy then he'll try it. Well she had another motive, she was about to have an affair and wanted to justify it by asking him to do this. Long story short she did her thing with him and her and then quickly got up and left them to continue while she sat infront of a mirror to fix her hair to go out. As if she wasn't even into it or no cares. Well the third developed feeling for him and he was having trouble in his marriage that that had a few encounters after that. Think the ex knew and didn't care. I remember driving home with them one day after the 3some and the other asked the wife if she minded if she did her husband again that night when they got back home and the wife said sure and asked me to grab a condom out of the glove compartment of the car we were in and take it to him while they were unloading the car. I couldn't believe it. She wasn't to be included this time. So not the ideal threesome. Ok so now he's with me and I don't suspect he's ever cheated on me although caught a down loaded video on his phone but the other day we were having sex and went down on me and he said he loves to see me get off while he does that. Meanwhile we had a porn on and he knows that I'm not gay but prefer girl on girl cause they stay down longer and he also knows as a child I've experimented with girls but that was all. I was like 11yrs old. He knows I'm not bi and he suddenly said that he would love to watch another girl get me off. He would be really turned on by that and then mentioned a threesome. No one inparticular except he did mention our neighbor who is kinda a tom boy and she is bi and he said the only reason he mentioned her is cause we know her and I wouldn't have to worry about them two later. I was unsure so we went to a website and was shopping and you put in your profiles and what you're looking for and then you can leave a meesage and it said something like couple looking for a bi female,want to watch my wife get pleasure and if you like to get the sh f...ed out of you, then look us up. That just rubbed me the wrong way made me wonder if this was more for him or me and him.. I've always done anything he asked me to do and I'll admit for three days I was giving him the impression that I was considering cause we werelooking on the net but really I wanted to see what he was doing and sending to people. This but the whole time having doubts. Finally I told him I couldn't have another woman having sex with him. He said that he would get excited watching us that he'd have to join in by doing her to.. I asked why couldn't she do me and I do her and then he only do it with me?His response is the experiance and that it may spice things up for us. I a and me and the girl still do our tlso mentioned having a four some and while me and the girl do eachother he can screw the girl and I can screw the other guy but he didn't like that idea at all. He said this was a fantasy of mine being with a girl and that's what he wants for me, but I have no desire to be with anyone else. So my question is, is he using me as an excuse to be with another woman with my permission? Is he bored of me? Once I broke it to him that i don't want to do this I can't let him be with someone else he got a bit upset cause he said I led him on for 3 days and when I questiond his real intentions he said I was turning it around on him and I'm not taking any responsibility for it myself. It was his idea and never was this a fantasy of mine. He put words in my mouth. We dropped the subject and said we didn't have to do this bit it's been bothering me since. We are just a reg married couple with a very normal sex life. Maybe every 2 wk we have sex. He can't do it under pressure or stress and sometimes can't keep it up do to meds. What's going on? Am I reading into this too much. I know what some of his fantasys are and one being a school girl look and anal. So it's not like he can't open up to me but this is all new. I don't like it. He won't admit that it was more for him and just using me as the excuse for having a 3 some. Can a guy tell me what the underlying reasons for these requests really are?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2004
Turn the Tables
Why don't you tell him that your fantasy has always been to be with two men? Then tell him that you will agree to his fantasy, if you can have what you desire, first! Tell him that you would love to see him and another man, doing things with each other -- tell him that you just didn't want to say anything before -- and assure him that you are extremely serious about this. Then, tell him you would really love to take pictures of him, while he and the other man are "experiencing" each other. Tell him that it would turn you on so much that you would not be able to stand just watching -- and that you would have to join the two of them, at some point. (once he hears all about your fantasy, see if he is actually wants to continue trying to push/pressure you into something that you really don't want to do.) the bottom line is that if he won't mind you being with him and another man, then he has a much more serious problem than you think. No "sane man" wants his wife to be with another man! Anyway, stand up for yourself -- what is fair for the goose is fair for the gander. If he persists in wanting to live out his fantasy, then kick his butt out of your bed -- you deserve a man who really loves you!...Not a flake, who thinks in terms of wanting to use you and other women as sexual objects.

Good luck,
jane
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank itsjustmeagain for this post: harmony1 

replied November 3rd, 2004
Experienced User
Wow jane, that is an excellent idea. I doubt the man would agree to something like that. Hopefully it would make him realize what he suggested isn't really appropriate.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2004
Experienced User
Re: Turn the Tables
[quote="itsjustmeagain"]why don't you tell him that your fantasy has always been to be with two men? Then tell him that you will agree to his fantasy, if you can have what you desire, first! Tell him that you would love to see him and another man, doing things with each other -- tell him that you just didn't want to say anything before -- and assure him that you are extremely serious about this. Then, tell him you would really love to take pictures of him, while he and the other man are "experiencing" each other. Tell him that it would turn you on so much that you would not be able to stand just watching -- and that you would have to join the two of them, at some point. (once he hears all about your fantasy, see if he is actually wants to continue trying to push/pressure you into something that you really don't want to do.) the bottom line is that if he won't mind you being with him and another man, then he has a much more serious problem than you think. No "sane man" wants his wife to be with another man! Anyway, stand up for yourself -- what is fair for the goose is fair for the gander. If he persists in wanting to live out his fantasy, then kick his butt out of your bed -- you deserve a man who really loves you!...Not a flake, who thinks in terms of wanting to use you and other women as sexual objects.


Good luck,
jane[/quote


i am sure that would go over well. Two wrongs don't make a right. You would just be dragging out the conflict. I am a man and men don't always say the most intelligent things. People say inapropritate things sometimes.]
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 4th, 2004
I really dont want to see my relationship end over this. We had been out drinking and he says he didnt realize what he was saying. I say thats bullcrap. I just wish I knew what was the underlying motive to it but ya cant get inside someones head.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 4th, 2004
Experienced User
He probalby said he didn't know what he was saying because he was embarrassed, and, in my opinion, rightfully so.

It seems like you've already talked to him about it but I would encourage you to be open with him that you are not turned on by that. In fact, it offends you be cause it makes you feel cheap, incapable of satisfying him, like second best, etc. (however it makes you feel). If he really cares about you he will learn that even in a microwave society we can't always have what we want, infact it is better and more loving to go without those things (and maybe consider a different perspective like why that would be wrong in a meaningful relationship).

Best of luck
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 10th, 2004
Experienced User
Every man wants a threesome......Just no man ever really gets it lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 15th, 2004
Experienced User
Kinda Know How You Feel
I know this is a little diffrent but my boyfriend of three years when I first meet him he had a collection on magazines ect. I told him to get rid of them that I did not like them. Well last weekend while I was cleaning I found the magazines under his bed. Not playboy really dirty magazines it hurt me so bad it was also couples togther and girls. When I saw that I felt like he did not want me his anwser to that was he felt I did not want him anymore which wasn't true we got threw this I forgave him and told him that if he does this again its over im not living my life like that. When I meet him I was a lot smaller so when I saw that stuff I felt like now that ive gained weight thats why he had those magazines. He said he just like seeing people ya know doing it. Im still hurting but I got to move on.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 28th, 2004
Hello all:)
I totally agree with ijma. Ask your mate if he would allow you,him,and another man in the bed.See if he gets the point! Take care.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 4th, 2007
Reply to "my Husband Wants a Threesome"
When my husband propositioned me about a threesome with another woman I tried the "well how about a threesome with another man" approach. I was a little more than shocked to hear him agree. My husband is a very masculine and "manly' type man (raised blue collar and conservative) and would never consider himself gay. But I can not help but feel confused by this fantasy of his to have sexual interactions with another male. I am thankful that he would tell me about it instead of going behind my back and living a "double life." However on the same account, I would not really consider myself a lesbian after having a threesome with him and another female....or really bisexual for that matter--perhaps just experimental. We are both young and after seeing the many postings on internet of married men looking for discreet sexual interactions with other men....I really am glad he has not gone behind my back. I dont know if I should be concerned about our future and if one day he may decide he likes men more and leaves me stranded. There are so many questions and thoughts I have and am just wondering if anyone has any input on this...or advice. thanks much.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 24th, 2011
you sure he wants to do other things with a guy or just wants it to be him and another guy having sex with you? not with each other
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 24th, 2011
you sure he wants to do other things with a guy or just wants it to be him and another guy having sex with you? not with each other
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 24th, 2011
you sure he wants to do other things with a guy or just wants it to be him and another guy having sex with you? not with each other
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 11th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
if my fiance tells me he want sa threesome I would break the engagement at the very moment and if I were married i would be getting ready to file a divorce. What kind of wedding vows are those of "i will be true to you in good times and bad blah blah and then suddenly say I want to have sex with someone else involved too. God that is so freaking nasty..oops. Sorry it's my honest opinion.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 16th, 2007
Experienced User
to me, any form of threesome is like cheating.

sex is meant for people that love eachother, not just flings.

i think threesomes are the start of what could get people to cheat, because they think so much about having another person.

am i making sense?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 17th, 2007
Experienced User
popminer wrote:
am i making sense?


You are.

However, some couples are sooo well glued together that nothing, NOTHING can blow them up (gosh I envy them) ; not even an attractive naked opposite sex. If they feel that way, like unable to leave each other, they can do a threesome without fear of abandon.

However, both have to want the threesome. It's not an obligation to have a threesome just to prove that your couple is serious Confused
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 17th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I have known a lot of couple that say they are glued.. they where swingers and had 3 somes.. They said it made their relstionship better. NONE of them are together today..
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 17th, 2007
Experienced User
meblonde01 wrote:
I have known a lot of couple that say they are glued.. they where swingers and had 3 somes.. They said it made their relstionship better. NONE of them are together today..


That's true. But just saying that your relation is perfect doesn't make it so now does it Wink Indeed I'm talking about "it is", not "they say".

But I got your point Wink
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 29th, 2007
Threesome
O.K. If you don't listen to anyone else, PLEASE listen to me. Never, ever, think about doing this. If he ask about it once, I'd bet that it will come up again. Make it very clear to him, IT AIN"T GONNA HAPPEN. Do not have any long discussions about it, because before long he will be trying to rationalize it. Eventually, you may give into it, to save your relationship. Then, you will lose him anyway, because, as much as he thinks it would be wonderful, after it is done he will lose respect for you, and you will lose respect for yourself. You should never give up your moral standards for someone else's sick desires. I'm speaking out of experience. It took me many years to get over what I had done. I became self destructive. I couldn't look myself in the mirror, and I knew he couldn't stand to look at me afterwards. It was the end of that relationship. I would also step back and take a long look at the relationship as it is right now. It sounds like he doesn't have much respect for you now by even asking you to do such a thing. I hope you showed him a good amount of shock and disappointment in him for asking this of you Shocked A man that truly loves a woman, if he has any decency at all would never do this. Don't think this has anything to do with you not pleasing him, or your own sexuality. It doesn't. It has everything to do with HIM. He as lacking something in his character and integrity. This is not your problem, it's his, so be careful and don't make it yours. I will be praying for you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 16th, 2011
My husband want to have 3 somes.I have never done this.My husband admitted doing threesome with x wife.He goes over these people house and i fear he's doing it with them.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Tags: sex
Quick Reply