Alcoholic parents
posted: 11-01-04 10:57pm

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since I was 5 I can remember my parents acting odd. And, my sister taking care of me. It was just until reasontly that I realized both my parents are alcoholics. Now it's like i'm waiting for the days when they will be fine, and I can invite friends over. I talk to them about it, but now they just hide drinks from me and when I find it I feel like they are lying to me and just don't love me anymore. A lot of my friends just think they are weird, and laugh it off, but know one really understands how it is. Everynight they will go up to bed early, and then stumble down the stairs drunk. I've lost my respect for them, and I just feel how can I love someone who doesn't respect me. They say they will try, but I know its just another empty promise. I don't know what to do anymore. They don't understand how hard it is to not be able to have one person to go to, because it is both of them. Its wearing me down, and I can't deal with it anymore. And to top it all off, they are telling me to get help for a children of alcoholics, but why would I go if I dont have the problem?

Confused
help me


hello,

i am sorry to have to tell you this but you do in fact have a problem otherwiser you would not be looking on the internet for answers. I used to go to those children of alcoholics meetings. How old are you? I am sorry you are having to go through this. I believe from experience and a psychologist I am seeing that some people have absolutely no control over alchol, so, remember that your parents dont mean to make you think they dont love you. I think you should try as hard as you can to involve yourself in something that is good for you. How old are you?

Mrpaul

16

I know some of what you are going through. I'm 29 and was raised by two alcoholic parents.

Have you tried ala-teen? I started going to al-anon and found help. They are groups for kids, friends and loved ones that are affected by someone else's drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease that spreads to other people, like the kids.
Please don't wait to get help for as long as I did.
Here are the three c's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
What you can do is learn how to deal with it. I know it is not easy, but it is worth it. Besides, what have you got to lose? More sanity perhaps. That I do know lol!

But why can't they get help so I would not have to get help myself?

Hi again,

alcoholism is an addiction, a disease. It is really hard for people to admit that they need help. Some eventually get help and some never do.
They can't be forced to get help or to admit they have a problem.

That's where you can help yourself and focus on you getting better. Learn how to deal with your parents in a way that is healthy for you.
They won't stop drinking until they are ready.

Have you talked to your parents about it yet?

I know that by growing up with alcoholics has affected the way I treat other people now. I was insane!! Sometimes I still am, but I am getting better and al-anon helped big time. Somebody elses drinking really does affect other people, and sometimes the other people don't notice it.
I know we can't change the past but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and attend ala-teen myself. I believe it would have helped me. However, I am gettting help now so that's what counts!

It is hard to understand. Please just try a meeting. If you don't like it, try a different one until you find one yo like.

I wish you all the best,
marg

Thanks, i'll look up some stuff..But I just wish that when I tell them what it does to me they would at least make an effort to. Its as if they don't care what it does to me...So its kinda hard to care myself.
but thanks for the post and ill try my best

Is there anyway that I could send them somewhere, cuz I know its their problem and I can't do much...But I feel like they are slowing damaging themselves and damaging their relationship with the family...And I dont know what will happen if it continues, because I dont know if it affects it but my dad has some sort of leukemia , they don't tell me specifics tho. But im starting to lose the relationship with them, and im sick of it. Is there anyway I can get them help?!

Here is the homepage for al-anon and ala-teen.
Read! Read! Read!
Learn as much as you can and that will help you and your parents.
Going to meetings is so helpful I swear!
I hope the holidays are happy at your house :)
marg

If you want to save your love ones from addiction, send them to rehabilitation centers. There are great resources there that could help them recover. Try visit the site below, you'll get more alcohol abuse information.

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wilbert

hi I read your post man I wish I reached out at 16 I too grew up in an alcoholic home I spent years trying to understand I went through alot of pain with it my suggestion is go to those meeting they have been through the same thing I went to adult children of alcoholic meetings and it help me my father was the alocoholic and I hated him and as time past I learn to forgive him he was sick I learned alot in those meeting I know your young but theres help don't wait it will destroy your life. I f you want to talk I am here I can share my experiences with you I am a good listener hang in there


ebaygirl

Reason: Because they are drunk and you are not. You are in the world of reality and that reality hurts. When you have had to much to drink, you really don't realize how you are hurting others.

It's harsh, but I agree. You're only responsible for yourself. Check out Al-Anon. Only YOU can change your own life and perspective. The 12 steps are for everyone.

I've grown up in a house where both my parents are alcoholics, and i completely understand what you mean about people just thinking your weird because you cant get picked up from somewhere, or invite friends over cos theyd get screamed at.
really im just trying to say, I kinda have the same problem as you.

Hi carroted, I feel for you. It's extremely difficult, but possible to love your parents from a distance. The first step is to understand that you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for their behavior. Do you go to Alateen?