Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Did You Ever... (you Dont Have to Read But I Had to Type) Posted: 10-30-04 09:52am
...Feel like you just couldnt do it...?
(dont read if you dont want to... And
you dont have to comment)
i'm almost 22 weeks pregnant and
it has finally hit me I am an emotional
wreck and i'm falling apart... I mean I
have to be happy right? I have to be the
smiley perfect is from bonita pleases
everyone girl, right? Or do it? I
realized this morning I cant do it... I
was happy about my pregnancy.. Happy I
didnt have to go to chicago, happy I got
to move away from my abusive step dad,
happy I got to have a chance to get over
jonathan and start a new life with paul,
happy I got to live with paul, happy I got
to be a wife, start a family, buy a new
car, move to a new city, be on my own...
Now... I'm none of that... I
realized I cant be the perfect wife or the
perfect mom... Ive always had to be
perfect and now i'm failing! Help me...
I'm falling... I went to work yesterday
after having the worst insomnia ever its
getting worse than in the begining of my
pregnancy i'm just adjusting to it now...
Worked all day... 1/2 way thru wanted
to come home... Called paul almost
crying and he was watching a movie!! He
rushed me off the phone for a moviee!
(((my mom kept telling me when she first
found out I was pregnant I had to move in
with him now to see if I could live with
him... Because if I cant live with him
now I cant live with him with a baby...
And I mean I love him he loves me...
Were happy but is he just too used to
me???))) so yeah I snapped at a customer
who got mad that I didnt pick up her 50lb
stool for her... Then I had to work past
closing... Paul promised me when I got
hom he'd be up and just willing to hang
out... Got home and he was past out cold
(((yes I understand that he works hard...
But I need someone there... I cant do
this by myself I dont know whats wrong
with me I have never ever asked for help
till now...I feel beneath myself i'm a
trooper... Ive always done it myself!)))
so I got on the comp and checked my email
42 forum responses... Thanks girls I
think your the only people who haved saved
my sanity out here... I start
commenting... And katie dear katie my
best friend im's me health forum about how
some guy she met whos like 6 years older
than her but as hott as a doing it
abercrombie model got pissed after one
date because she flirted with some other
guy... That and whether or not her mom
will buy her a new lexus this year are her
biggest worries... Thats why I left that
town... I couldnt handle it... Too
much pressure too much stress too much
class... I wanted a family and to be a
wife with morals and raise up on my own
not just carry on my families money and
now I cant! But I cant tell my mom i'm
falling because I demanded to prove her
wrong... They always said i'd come back
and I dont want to. So I talked to
katie... And some girls on the forum...
But in my mind all the wanted to do was
go to sleep sleep and sleep and sleep and
wake up with nothing on my mind...
Nothing I didnt wanna know what time it
was I didnt wanna know if paul was up for
work or if the puppy came inside... I
wish dylan were here already the smile on
his face would probably fade my tears...
I finally got off the comp nearing two am
and got into bed... I didnt care if he
was asleep I didnt care if we dont cuddle
when we sleep because we each toss too
much... I got under his blankets and
pulled the rest on top of us... (((when
hes asleep a doing it earthquake cant wake
him))) I just wrapped my arms around him I
knew that I wasnt gunna sleep so might as
well be comfy... And I layed there all
night... (((yes its 7:40 am and I never
went to bed))) i'll sleep later...
I got up this morning looking at the clock
it was 5:40 paul had to be up around 6:00
to like actually wake up and be ready,
shaved, dressed, and full for work by 7...
6:15 rolls around and hes still passed
out we go thru this every morning trying
to wake him up! Finally after saying
paul its 6:20 paul its 6:30 its 6... And
so on at about 6:37 I got up went into the
kitchen and made him breakfast... (((its
cold he doesnt have a heater in his car I
drive him to work))) its 6:45 at this
point and hes up and shaving... I
dropped the food on the counter and said
i'd be in the car... And you know what
he said... ((( why were you controlling
all my space lastnight...You hogged up my
side of the bed))) yeah hello!!!! Omg I
lost it I just said nothing and walked
away... All I wanted was to be near him
and now i'm making him clostrophobic or
something? Oh i'm sorry I wont ever
touch you while u sleep agian... Its
like that shania twain song were
evvverrrything goes wrong... Hunny i'm
home where her even forgetting to fill up
the gas tank can make her cry... I sat
in the car for a few minutes... He came
out...
And I just sped the whole way there...
We get there and he hands me the plate...
(i put it on paper not knowing if he'd
finish it before work becuase normally he
eats at the table but he just wouldnt get
up!) I was like i'll take the fork you
take the plate... Then as hes getting
out he accidentally dropps the leftover
eggs all over the floor... And leaves
them!!! He doing it leaves themmmm! I
must have made a sound or a face or
something becuase he opens thedoor back up
and was like what? I was like ur just
gunna leave em there? Hes like what?
What am I suppose to do? Its your... I
soooo knew he was about to say job I
coulda kicked him ((i dont even know if he
knew I was mad because I never rose my
voice but I coulda kicked him)) he picked
em up and I left... Got to the light and
cried... I cried and cried and cried...
The whole wayyy home...
I have no reason for writing that but I
had to and i'd rather post it here than on
my xanga and i'd rather post it then keep
it bundled up... You may think i'm crazy
or crying over eggs.... But its not just
that... And paul is an amazing husband
but sometimes hes just blind...
What do I do for his birthday? Its next
saturday?
....God bless water proof mascara.....
I know theres far more better promblems in
the world than mine heck some of you might
agree with katies... But i'm falling...
And hes not catching me right now... I
mean chances are i'll try to post this and
the comp will malfunction and all my words
will be lost and i'll never repeat myself
but atleast i'll know I tried...
<3 jess
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 10-30-04 10:30am
Aw girl. Its normal to feel like this
while youre preggy, youre going through
soo mcuh. But you just have to realize
that nobodys perfect and neither paul nor
your baby expect you to be. They will
both love you for whoever you are =) just
like us here at the forum!
<3
gaby
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004 Posts: 619 Location: United States
Posted: 10-30-04 11:57am
Yeah I agree with bella, but I also think
that men don't understand what it's like
to feel the way you do. If I were you I
would sit him down and explain to him how
you've felt lately and tell him that you
need his support right now more than ever
because you are an emotional reck. Tell
him what you want more of and why. Ya
know sometimes they just need help in
realizing what to do. We can't read
eachothers mind and the only way our
husbands are going to know how we feel and
what we want is if we talk about it on a
regular basis. Ya know when I went to
marriage counseling they told us to make
weekly dates where we have to talk about
anything that was on our mind. Even if
it's just sitting out on the deck talking
while the kids are asleep. You don't
want any distractions cause this is your
time together. I would think you might
want to do this more when you are pregnant
cause you have so much going on in your
mind right now. I hope you realize that
this too shall pass and someday you will
see the good out of all of this. You
don't have to please everyone jess and i'm
sure your husband knows that. Heck my
husband is lucky if I make him breakfast!
You sound like a wonderful wife and i'm
sure you'll be a wonderful mom.
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oangelc543
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2004 Posts: 521 Location: TX
Posted: 10-30-04 14:27pm
Dont wrry jess... Its okay, I promise..
Your too strong to give up.
And no, you don't have to be perfect..
And its fine to feel the way you do..
They're called feeling because they cant
be controled.
Being a parent doesnt mean being
perfect..It means being your best.
You can do it, I promise
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kitty2luv
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 1089 Location: with my love
Aww Posted: 10-30-04 17:30pm
Jess you will be ok promise ur preg and u
have aemotions and he dont under stand how
you feel I would of been the same way with
the hole eggs thing hes a guy what do u
expect from him
im sorry hunny
<3 amanda
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 2173 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-04 18:43pm
I got up this morning looking at the clock
it was 5:40 paul had to be up around 6:00
to like actually wake up and
first of all, jessa, when you fall, and he
is not there to catch you, I am there. We
are there. You have me and the girls, so
dont think you dont have anyone! Because
we will always be there.
No one is perfect, and if there was
someone who was a bit close to being
perfect, it'd be you.
You need to be strong. For you, paul and
dylan especially. When he's here, you
will be thankful you stayed strong and
didnt fall. This is all worth it in the
end, trust me, when you see his little
smile, it will all be worth it.
Everything happens for a reason. And
jessa, your such a strong girl, you will
stumble, but you will never ever fall.
As for paul, I dont understand why he's
not understanding when your pregnant! He
should have some more consideration for
you. This is his child! I know I should
be telling al that but yeah, im more
concerned about you than me, because if
your happy, im happy.
I love you, you have me, and if you need
to talk you know where to get at me. Dont
ever hesitate to get at me.
Your a very strong person, and very
independant. Like I said,
you will stumble but you will never ever
fall.
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cindy21
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2004 Posts: 35 Location: melbourne australia
Posted: 10-30-04 19:24pm
Jess,
me are so hard to understand they dont
know the toll pregnancy takes on our body,
having said that he should be more
supportive of you and help you as much as
he can not you helping him all the time...
You sound like you are perfect just the
way you are and dont let anyone tell you
your not...Just being pregnant makes you
special as many women who are pregnant in
this world it isnt easy to become
preggie....Try to be positive and think
about dylan and if you have a photo of
him(ultrsound) look at it everytime you
feel like this....You will be strong
because we are women and we dont fall.
Good luck I hope you feel better
cindy21
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Heathergirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 719 Location: Michigan
Posted: 10-31-04 20:51pm
Ohhhhhhhhh jessa honey, it'll all be
ok.........You have always been there to
give advice, and it is ok to need it every
now and then....First of all...........Men
are strange little creatures......They
love us and want to comfort us........But
when we really need it they aren't payin
enough attention to notice.....It seems
with me that mitch is always asking me if
i'm ok when I am, and not asking me when
i'm not..........I know that paul loves
you.......How could he not? We all love
you, and he gets the pleasure of being
near you! He knows that he has someone
special, but like I said, men don't know
how to handle women, exp. Pregnant women.
And don't worry about being the perfect
mommy and wife.......Noone is perfect:
you don't have to be.........And you'll be
the best and you will learn with time how
to be the best....You won't just wake up
and know instantly that you can do it
all. it'll all fall into
place........And I had that crying I hate
the world why can't my boyfriend love me
better why is my world falling upside down
I don't want to go on I just want to sleep
moment a few weeks ago.......And I wasn't
wearing waterproof mascara! Lol. So it
will all be ok. You are a wonderful
person, you love your husband and your
baby, so you can't go wrong. You'll pull
it all together, I know you will.
!!!!!!!!!!
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Galaxy16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2004 Posts: 66 Location: kentucky
Re: Did You Ever... (you Dont Have to Read But I Had to Type Posted: 11-02-04 15:22pm
I think... You would be a wonderful
mom.... Just something tells me that :p
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 2173 Location: ,
Posted: 11-02-04 15:32pm
Duhhhhhh my jessa mama is gonna be the
best one there is.
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BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 11-02-04 16:12pm
You girls are such sweeties. You will
all be great moms. Everyone breaks down
and just cries and cries and cries
sometimes. Usually I feel better when I
have a good cry session. I remember when
I was pregnant and driving to work one
day. I counted ten dead deer on the side
of the road. Omg- I was crying by the
time I got to work. How could so many
sweet inocent deer be getting hit by cars.
I wanted to sell my car and never drive
again. Weird things- that set us off
eh?
Goodluck- you can do it. You are strong
and when the baby comes you will be even
stronger. You have to be and you will.
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rlr79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 75 Location: California
Posted: 11-02-04 19:10pm
Hey jess,
everyone goes through these
breakdowns...So just know that you're not
alone. I'm so glad that you're able to
vent on here to get it out, it's not good
to keep it all in. You are going to be a
great mom, and wife, and all of the above,
so don't let things get you too far down.
Everything is going to be fine and you
have all these great friends on here for
you!
Take care,
rebecca
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jenifercarrillo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2004 Posts: 143 Location: Houston,Tx
Posted: 11-02-04 21:16pm
Jess I would just like to say that u are
one of the most amazing women I know. You
gave me strength when I was weak and
knocked some sense into me when I was
being ignorant. I think that u will be by
far the best mother to u'r baby and im
pretty sure u will make a damn good wife.
You are like the mother I wish I had,
someone I can talk to freely and you are
not afraid to answer me honestly. I hope
you know how much hope u have given me
when I had no reason to live, and for that
I would like to say thank you!!!!!!
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jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 11-02-04 21:44pm
Aww jen babe and all you girls... I am so
hear I mean I will never judge someone or
hate someone or mistrust them for their
opinion or emotions... I mean I got over
that day but like you guys said everyone
has em paul didnt even realize it when I
nagged at him about it later that night...
He was so sorry... I'm starting to get
the hang of it all and i'm gunna suceed
whether I stumble and fall or stand tall
and proud... Everyone makes mistakes
everyone cries everyone hates or hurts or
fears and it s okay behind every smile is
a fear and in front of every fear is
courage... And I love you girls I do!
Muah i'm here jen 24/7 truuuusstt me
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callie8323
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 231 Location: nc
Its Ok Posted: 11-04-04 10:44am
Usally when people move in together things
get hard things have changed for you both
my sister got pregnant at 19 met someone
who loved her they got married to fast had
another child 2 years later sometimes when
things get rushed people fight and feel
alone. I know if I got married now I
would see that everything I thought would
be would not be I have a dream of having a
house with kids cooking being a mommy and
everything would be perfect but its not
usally like that guys are like that us
girls have these dreams of raising kids
being married guys want that to but they
feel sometimes they are not ready for all
that like we are. You are going threw a
lot. You will get threw it. You are so
lucky to be on your own and having a baby
I have to wait 3 more years to get married
and have children because I have to much
to finish before I start a family I cry
all the time because I feel like everyone
but me is a mommy I know im only 21 I got
a few years but I can't help it. When you
have your baby everything will get better
you will see someone you love more that
life. And all your problems will be worth
it you have a reward coming. :d good luck
we all have bad days.
Jess that's so sad but always keep in mind
that you have us girls and we don't mind
hearing you out. We all need someone to
talk to or breakdown to when needed.
There's never perfect days and each day
you just have to go with it and make it
better for yourself. Sorry paul isn't
being there for you right now and that you
are falling a part.
I think you are doing a good job and I
know I don't live there with you but
you're a sweet heart and you can't be
perfect or satisfy everyone all the time.
You have your good days and your bad
days.
Have you ever tried talking to paul about
this? Because you are pregnant, your a
wife, you work, and you are holding up a
lot of respondsibility and you can't do
all that on your own he has to be your
support and your companion.
Like all the girls said you have us and we
will be here for you.....
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jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 11-04-04 13:29pm
Yeah babe dont even worry it was just one
day! I mean we talked about it at the end
of the night and he was sooo sorry he
didnt even realize it we have a great
relationship and hes very supportive hahah
even though hes a bum and doesnt pick up
after him haha but i'm good at that but yeah thank you
girls I needed your support when I posted
that and I got it... It was like my break
down day! Sometime alittle crying is all
you need... Thanks so much your my
venters! muah muah muah
:p