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I Need Help (commitment Issues)

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This is my situation, me and my boyfriend are happy together but we are not married...Yet. It all seems kinda funny to me but now that I think about it, I am scared he doesnt want to make that kind of commitment to me. He has told me before that he wants to wait until the babys born or around next fall, but it seems like if I talk about marraige he changes the subject or doesnt want to talk about it now. Is he afraid to commit to me, I mean our relationship is great he is sweet to me and we love eachother but do you think he is afraid to commit for something for the rest of his life? I hope not because all I want is to have a happy family with a husband and I read everyone elses posts in here and most are married already and pregnant and thats what I want. I feel left out cause I am almost 19 weeks preg with no husband just someone to call my boyfriend. Maybe I am just too emotional right now, help!! Crying or Very sad
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replied October 20th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Hey there.You are right,you are probably a little emotional right now,but you are right to question his behavior.Some people(men), do not deal with multiple stress very well.He's probably trying to process the whole daddy thing right now.If your relationship is great, then try to give him a little more time.If you push marriage,he may bolt or shut down.If ,after the baby is born, he still does not want to discuss the issue, you may need to see a councelor to see what the real issue is.Does he come from a 2 parent family ?What about you? If someone has not had a good example of a loving family, it is hard for them to have that themselves.I know that I grew up with no male influence in my life and had no clue how to have a good relationship,until I met my husband.We always talk about our problems,not yelling and screaming.He would not let me give him the silent treatment,as I was used to doing in the past.He made me talk to him!!!The best advice I can give you is to keep talking-not arguing-talking in a positive,loving way.Hopefully, he will give you the commitment that you want and need for you and your child.Best to you!Patty
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replied October 20th, 2004
Experienced User
Thank you! See he did have a male influence growing up but it was his step father, his real father died when he was 10 but his mother didnt show much love towards him so I think this is the reason that he is the way he is. Me on the other hand, both of my parents are still together to this day and have always showed me much love and appreciation so I think I just have that same need to be loved by my boyfriend just as much. Maybe I am just overreacting cause I cant have marraige now. Maybe he is planning something really sweet, I dont know but he hasn't proposed to me if that tells you anything. I guess he is just waiting for the little one to be born.
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replied October 20th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
No baby you sound like me no worries seriously thats how I was I finally just made paul do it e didnt have a ceremony and I havent even changed my name I just wanted to call him my husband... And know hes with me.... It'll be okay I promise just wait it out
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replied October 20th, 2004
Experienced User
Thank you jessa, I just hope when the timing is right that he will marry me, I want it to be sweet like while we are eating out or something he gets down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant and proposes to me awwwww that would be so sweet...Ha but I doubt it will happen like that! Hey I can dream cant i! Wink
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replied October 21st, 2004
I know you think that marriage is somehow important, but what does it really mean? It is the marrying you are concerned with, i.E. That he is willing to make that commitment. But if someone wants to be with you and stay with you and be faithful to you, then he will. If he doesn't, then it doesn't actually matter if he says "i do". I think it is more romantic to wake up every morning and look over at the person beside you and say, "yes, today is another day I want to be with this person," and not just be there because you said you would and signed a bit of paper. I have enough friends who are divorced, and I have a lot of friends that have been happy living together for a long time without being married. If you love each other and are happy and you have told each other you are committed, why does the government need to get involved?
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replied October 21st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
wendypops wrote:
if you love each other and are happy and you have told each other you are committed, why does the government need to get involved?


it's not the government......Marriage is a sacred union between the couple and god......The government just gives you a license to do it. I think we girls crave marriage bc it is a very open statement to the world....Like......Look! He loves me!!!!!! He may say it but now he has taken the big leap to show the world......Ya know?
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replied October 21st, 2004
Experienced User
I understand where you are coming from wendy and its not that I crave to be married, although I want to but I want to marry dustin because one, we are in love and two he is the father of my child and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Also I feel it is the right thing to do in god's eyes. I am only 20 and have my whole life ahead of me but I feel that just having dustin as my boyfriend doesnt make me feel whole or united with him. I too want to share his last name like my little girl will.
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