I'll try my best to keep this short, but please forgive the inevitable lengthiness of my post...


I'm a 21 year old male. I've had eczema all my life. I have ointment for it and use it only when it's really needed. I find that as long as I shower at least once a day it doesn't get bad and sometimes isn't even visable. When it is visable, it's only mild itching, redness, and dry or cracked skin on the inner thighs and scrotum areas (scrotum only gets mildly red - no dry or cracking of the skin there). I was officially diagnosed with this skin disorder when I was very young (under the age of 7).

Anyway, sometime between the age of 11-13 years old I noticed something different down there. It looks like small white bumps under the penis and on the scrotum itself. When I first noticed the problem I hadn't even ever heard of std's, so naturally I didn't suspect anything at all. As I got older and more knowledgeable i've been getting more and more worried that it might not just be my eczema. I've done a little research and i've read about std's that look similar. But despite my worries and suspicions, I fail to see how it could be an std because I was a virgin when I first noticed the skin problem. I didn't lose my virginity until the age of 17 (at least 5 years after I noticed it). I've only had two sexual partners in my lifetime. I've never had unprotected sex and i've never had oral sex.

The thing that has also led me to believe that it isn't an std is because (until literally a few weeks ago) I had never experienced any of the side effects described with std's. I've never had any discharge or pain of any kind on or around the infected area. For the most part, the only reason I even knew it existed was because I could see it. However, just a few weeks ago for the very first time I felt some pain in my lower stomach in conjunction with an intense burning sensation when urinating. This has only happened once in my lifetime and was only recently. I confess that it was very painful and pretty scary, but i'm still not sure whether it has anything to do whatsoever with the skin problem. Could it have just been something I ate (i had some really spicy-hot food earlier for lunch and I do have acid reflex - stomach problems digesting some foods)?

The recent pain I just described was a sort of wake up call for me. I realize now that I have to find out what this is once and for all. For the past 5 years or so i've been too fearful of getting close to anyone for fear that it might actually be something that's contagious. It's completely destroyed my life in terms of relationships, meeting new people, and the desire of having sex. I realize I have to get over my fears and get it checked out by a doctor before I can move on with my life, but i'm hoping I might be able to get some information, support, or other help from the nice people here before I take the next step. I'm literally terrified at what I might find out. I hate being so mentally weak. Part of me would rather never know what it is and just remain single for the rest of my life (just to be safe) than find out that it's really something bad that i'll end up dying from (or worse - something that'll make it impossible for me ever to have kids of my own someday. I know this might sound strange to some people, but I can't imagine anything i'd want more out of life than just to raise my own family someday, but I guess this overwhelming desire has been heightened by the always growing fear that it might not be an option for me. It comes down to the age-old question: if you only had a certain amount of days to live, would you want to know about it? My answer would be no, I would not want to know because I wouldn't want to spend the last days of my life dwelling over everything. The same response applies to the question of whether i'd want to know if I can ever impregnate a wife someday; i'd rather have hope for the future than live with the realization that it can never happen.)

i'm also hoping someone who's gone to a doctor to check for a possible std before could respond and tell me exactly what to anticipate. What kind of tests would they do? Are they painful? A friend of mine told me they might have to swab the inside of the penis by shoving something inside the penis hole and that it's an extremely excruciating procedure. This whole thing is already hard enough being that it's the most embarrassing thing i've ever had to face, but adding the most painful experience to it makes it even more difficult.

If it does end up being diagnosed as an std, what kinds of things might happen next? Would I have to put my name in the local newspaper so all the women nearby know to avoid me? Would I have to tell my family (i'm afraid my parents would literally disown me. If my mother found out I could never give her grandchildren, it would be absolutely devastating for her.)? Would I be legally obligated to tell anyone or could I keep it to myself and just deal with it in private?

After reading what I described about the skin problem, can anyone make any guesses as to what it could possibly be? I realize this isn't the place for a diagnosis, but any guesses would be greatly appreciated... If you do guess as to what it might be, what would happen if it turned out being that? The better I know what to anticipate and the more prepared I am for the doctor's visit, the better off i'll be. I'm still hoping it's just my eczema or something that's not life-threatening or contagious, but the fear of the alternatives is quite literally ruining my life.

Thank-you for any helpful responses...