I'm not going to pretend I can understand what the cause of your problem is. You've obviously got a lot going on within you.
But maybe I can help you cope with the attacks. Do you try to relieve your panic with breathing? This is very common advice but that's why I bring it up... because people almost always give bad advice.
Breathing can be a very powerful way to cope with panic attacks but it can make things worse when we do it wrong. It's a powerful way to cope because one of the primary symptoms of panic attacks is hyperventilation. Racing heart goes along with this.
The problem is that people always say to do "deep breathing". This is the last thing you want to do! Your breathing is already out of control when you have a panic attack. Deep breathing only increases your hyperventilation, which brings on more anxiety, dizziness, feeling out of control and (by the way) nausea!!! It's a common effect of too much oxygen!
When you have a panic attack you need to get control of your breathing. Do this by breathing slowly and gently, not deeply! It will be hard at first because the attack is making you want to gulp air. Start by holding your breath a few seconds if necessary. Then take a short, smooth breath and exhale slowly. With each breath make it slower. And remember... gently.
Once you get your breathing under control your heart will calm down also because they're connected. Finally your mind will relax. All the panic symptoms will recede.
You may have other problems to tackle but I guarantee you that learning this technique will make a huge difference. Learning to control your breathing and beating a panic attack will give your self-confidence a huge boost too. Try it.