I'm really sorry............If you need to talk to someone...I can give you my moms info...She is really good with helping people with lupus learn ways to get through their rough times.........

Thank you heathergirl, you seem very sweet. The pain is the what I have the most problem with right now. Have your ever felt pain that you could not hold your composure? You just have to scream, even men have too. Then you push past that, to the point where you lose conscience, then, even past that, you just surrender. This is the precipce at which I stand. I wake up and know that the first movement of my body will be painful. The last movement I make will be painful. The fatigue causes me to tremble, and have baisular migrains. I hate this!!! This lupus/fibroidmyalgia is stealing a piece of my life everyday!! How do you fight an enemy that is you?? I once slit my wrists, not to end my life to to control something, anything. What so you do? How can you win? I begged, and bargained with god. I pounded my legs so that the pain I feel is because I wanted it. I don't want to eat because i'm tired of being fat! And then, i'm back to just another day, wondering how I can fight what I can't see. How can I fight me.

I understand what it is like to wonder exactly how much pain you are going to be in. How it is going to affect your job, your marriage, your friendships and any sense of joy you once experienced from life.

I no longer make plans in advance with friends, because I never know how i'm going to feel on a particular day. I can't go swimming in my own pool, because I can't go out in the sun without getting a migraine, shakes and exteme fatigue. Because people don't understand what it is like to live with pain and limitations. Who wants to tell people all the time, they don't really want to hear about it.

This year alone I had a migraine for 6 months straight! Then, with an increase in anti-seizure medication, I didn't have one every day but it was still way too many. I was wearing hats and sunglasses inside! Then there is the lupus, fibromyalgia, oa, sjrogens, raynauds and my last flare sent my thyroid zooming into overdrive.


Whenever I have a flare, I get very crazy from the pain and migrains and find it very difficult to maintain a regular work schedule. I'm a hairdresser and my salary is completly commission, so when I can't work many hours or run my customers off by not keeping up or being crazy, I don't make enough money. So I understand, but I have to try and keep working to pay for health insurance which is $391 a month with a $2,500 deductible, but as you know that is 2 rheumatologist visits!


The one thing that has totally saved my life and my mind is my pain management specialist. He is a psychiatrist who deals with how the brain processes pain and the bodies responds to it. For me, he uses several different anti-seizure medications that have helped control my pain and migrains to a great degree. I also take an anti-depressant that is known to have pain relieving properties. I know this type of doctor is very difficult to find, a lot of pain specialist are just anesthesialigist that give injections. But if you can find someone like my dr, it can change your life.


Goodluck

mia