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Scared

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I am having such bad panic attacks every day and every night. I feel like I am loosing my mind. Every day I find a new fear of how I am going to die. I know it sounds weird, but I am scared of everything, even life itself. I run to my boyfriend with my crazy thoughts, and at this point he is starting to get fed up. I walk around take these huge deep breaths and I sound so weird. I feel like I can't get enough air.

I know there are many reasons I am experiencing them. I was raped by my father when I was 13 years old, I am now 16 years old. I have a 7 month old daughter and I am attending college. I am in the middle of getting emancipated and I live in a completley different state than my mom (who is like my best friend). My boyfriend and I fight a lot, especially about my panic attacks. I have always suffered from anxiety, but I never thought it was possible to feel like this. I have major paranoia and I don't know what to do with myself. I do not want my daughter growning up and seeing me like this.

It is so weird how this all took place. My boyfriend moved to tn for a month, and when he came back I went outside to smoke a ciggerete. I started hyperventaliating and ever since I have been breathing weird and I am scared of everything. I have been to hospitals and doctors and there is nothing physically wrong with me. I am even scared of taking medicine. What should I do?!?!?!? Someone please help me. I cannot go on like this.
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replied October 12th, 2004
Scared
Kittie, i'm going through the same thing right now. I started having bad panic attacks and now I think because of not wanting to take any meds that i'm getting slight depression. I feel there is nothing anyone can do for me. 3 er visits and 4 doc visits later and still no answer other than panic attacks. Being a guy I think its harder to admit you are stressed out. Your boyfriend is not going to understand, nor will anyone that hasnt had these feelings understand. If I were to read these posts a month ago I would of said your all crazy. Mine runs in the family also and I thought my family would make this !**@! up but now I feel bad for every thought and word I have said to them. I have a little boy and girl, so I know how it feels to be scared of them seeing you like this. Today I started taking prozac. I hope this works for me. My advice is, be strong, see your doc and try whatever he gives you. Dont read everything you see online. Thats what I did and it took me 1 month to get up enough courage to take my meds. That ended me up with slight depression. I wish you the best of luck and I know you will get better. :d
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replied October 12th, 2004
Thank you slimdog, your post means a lot to me. It is very hard to cope with these feelings, but I know I will overcome them, as will you.
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replied October 12th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Kittie-n-hatchet
Get some professional help, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all need a little help sometime! If your Dr. Won't help you, find one that will and be honest with your Dr. Or else he will not be able to help you! Don't worry about what your boyfriend thinks or says, you have to put yourself and your child 1st! You were a victim of rape, you are young, with a baby, get yourself some help!
Sincerely,
sandy
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replied October 16th, 2004
I completely understand what you are going through. I'm 36 now and had severe panic attacks when I was 16 and living with my boyfriend at that time. The only one that understood what I was going through was someone that has been through it, my father. I stayed with him and he explained alot to me about how anxiety works. First, the more you fear anxiety the worse it gets. Everyone, everyone has a normal amount of anxiety but when it leads to panic attacks that simply means you are fearing what is going on with you and it makes it worse. When I was 16.. My heart would feel like it was about to bust out of my chest. My father had to literally slap me out of my panic state. At that time my doctor prescribed me a mild anti-depressant and valium however, my father would monitor my valium intake because valuim is highly addictive.(he became addicted to it when he was going thru his attacks). When I realized that we all have a normal amount of anxiety and I wasn't losing my mind and I myself was making it worse by worrying about the anxiety itself, the panic attacks completely stopped. I also read a book called "the anxiety disease" I don't remember the author but it sure helped me alot during those times. I know you will overcome this but you need to know this and also know that you aren't losing your mind. You can control your thoughts. It may take extreme effort on your part but it can be done. Another thing that is great for it is exercising around the house. If you feel your heart racing to much and fearing that as well, slow down and constantly talk to your positively. I would like to mention I haven't had anxiety or panic attacks in 19 years. The more I learned about the more it helped me. I wish you the same.
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replied October 18th, 2004
Experienced User
First get your baby out of this situation give it to the state temporarily- this is about the childs safety and well being before yours or anyone else-second press charges and have your sick father locked up-third get yourself out of that crap relationship you are in and get help-you shouldnt have all this at 16
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replied October 22nd, 2004
Thank you for all your advice...I really really appreciate it. I am not going to give my daughter to the states, but I will get myself help. I care about my daughter a lot and I feel that if I am giving the proper treatment I will be fine. My daughter is my life, and I could never do that. I am not endangering her in anyway...And lately I have been trying to talk myself out of my panic attacks. Although, sometimes they are too overwelming. I was prescribed medicine but I don't have the money to pick it up, so for now I am just trying to stay strong. :d

thanks again
gabi
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