Sex Addict!?!? I'm Mad!!!!! Posted: 10-11-04 02:35am
I'm a female 18 year old and i've been
told I have a sex addiction. People say
the things I do and have done I have
control over. Well this is where I have a
conflict. I understand that most people
would consider me as ignoring that fact I
have a choice to give me an excuse. I
have never been sexual abused, my parents
have split but they weren't violent just
the occasional spoon (i'm from australia
it's normal). As far as I can see I can't
blame it on anyone around me. But I
struggle being able to blame it one myself
because I started getting sexually
involved, and having sexually suggestive
thoughts at the age of 6. Me and my
friend callie used to stick socks down out
undies and dry hump each-other. She was a
year older but it was a mutual decision.
See since I was so young it's hard to say
I had an obvious choice. Although i'm
older now the instinct to have sex or
sexually related activities is not
something i've ever tried to deny. And
when people deny them to me I can get
anxious because I feel rejected or furious
because they couldn't love me or worse
still just the thought of not having sex
gives me a black sinking feeling in my
stomach. Now as far as I know these are
fairly good indications of an addiction.
And I want to be able to love someone and
one person only instead of my usual number
of 3 obsessions (not necessarily the ones
i'm sleeping with). I get frustrated
because although I might love someone to
the end of the earth if I don't get sex or
don't feel sexually attracted to them i'll
secretly go else where. And even if i'm
not being adulterous I still think of the
other two people. I am not into anything
particularly sadistic. I like to be
bitten and to bite and I don't like slow
sex but that's about it. I watch porn but
mainly coz I get a kick out of how stupid
they are. Sometimes I watch more violent
footage, but that's to scare me out of
doing anything stupid. I don't know
weather I want help or not I just need to
vent. It's hard loving 3 people at once.
I don't want to be converted into some god
loving christian. Been there done that.
My mum was a sunday school teacher. I
can't stand christians there is something
about them that scares me. They have some
twisted fake face of happiness on them
that I don't trust. There is only one
person i've truly loved and haven't had
sex with and I couldn't for once in my
life I was scared to. So I went to great
lengths to make sure both him and myself
believed I didn't love him. This included
cheating on him saying it was a hoax to
get revenge on how he hurt me, slit my
wrists and created a fake internet alias
to talk to him through. Now i'm just
messed. One of my ex's just came back
from up north and I want to go back out
with him again too. Even though he
supposedly cheated on me I don't care. On
top of that the first guys brother is
someone I could see me getting married
with and we get along so well. But I have
to wait another 2 years before I can go
anywhere near him because he's only 15.
Don't bother calling me messed up I all
ready know I am. I don't stop thinking
about all these people and I feel like
leaving the city and starting a new but I
know that won't fix my problem. I just
want to be loved again. Sometimes I think
I have so many problems I must be just
making them all up for attention. Coz I
have symptoms with bi polar disorder,
schizophrenia and i've been diagnosed with
epilepsy. I am probably the most confused
person you'll ever meet. I live in my own
hell trying to find something that i'm
starting to believe doesn't exist. One
day perhaps this will kill me.
|
hk45
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2004 Posts: 4 Location: OHIO
Posted: 10-20-04 02:59am
I think you haven't gotten any replies
because noone knows how. You remind me
of a girlfriend I had when I was young.
I loved her very much but she couldn't
focus her love. I really believe talking
to a professional would help you deal with
the conflict you are feeling and find your
direction.
Good luck to you and I hope this doesn't
kill you someday. It did my old
girlfriend in a car accident in kentucky.
She was only 25.
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steve_o_2
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Feb 2005 Posts: 12 Location: md
Posted: 02-07-05 17:18pm
They do have sexaholics anonymous
meetings. You may want to check on the
web if they are down under.
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Naicol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2003 Posts: 26 Location: NEW YORK
I Understan You Posted: 03-15-05 10:55am
Hi I am janet and I am also a sex addict.
The problem with me is that I am a
lesbian. I was raped when I was 4 and
since then my life has been a roller
coster going downhill. I love my
girlfriend but the problem is that I
cannot stop having sex with these guys
that I hate and I am not even attracted
too. I have never enjoyed sex with guys
but when I do I have this sense of control
that is addictive. So I totally
understand where you are coming from. The
only problem is that after sex with these
people I feel like s***. I think to
myself what was I thinking or why did I do
that. I don't know where to go or how to
get help for this...
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gaz394
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 1
Posted: 03-23-05 16:38pm
Wow! You’ve got a lot of issues! From
what I can tell from your post, you are on
a major guilt trip, and I think the
religious bits of your upbringing may have
something to do with that.
First off, when you’re 18 yrs old
there’s nothing wrong with being a sex
maniac! Wanting to medical question
everybody and everything is part of being
a curious teenager full of hormones!
There’s nothing wrong with that, don’t
stress about it. Christians wouldn’t
agree, but they are a dying breed; if god
didn’t want us to medical question he
wouldn’t have made us so damn horny, he
wouldn’t have given us the passion and
lust that make us human beings. Satan has
nothing to do with it; sex is a perfectly
natural human trait. Those strict
god-fearing bible-bashers are the most
sexually repressed people around, and
they’re perverted no namers as well.
You called it a ‘twisted face of
happiness’, which is an excellent
description of the religious bigots who
preach morality while they molest alter
boys.
You are confusing sex and love. They are
two different things; wanting to medical
question the brains out of someone is
different to loving someone. You’ve
probably been taught that sex is a special
thing that should be reserved for you one
true love, therefore when you enjoy doing
it someone you feel guilty because you
don’t love them. On the other hand,
people you love don’t turn you on
sexually, so you again feel bad. One day
you will find a person that you’re able
to love as a human being that also does it
for you between the sheets, until then you
need to accept that lust and love don’t
necessarily come hand-in-hand.
I get the impression you don’t have a
very high opinion of yourself. Having sex
with somebody gives you reassurance and
makes you feel better about yourself. If
somebody gives you good sex then that is a
boost, but after a while all those
negative feeling come back and you need it
again. When a guy’s doing it you
you’ve got his undivided attention, the
only thing that matters to him is you;
when it’s finished he rolls over and
it’s back to real life.
I say all this only because i’ve been
there myself. Sex addiction isn’t the
problem, you have a low self-esteem and
this is the real problem. I knew a girl
once exactly like you. She hated herself
to the point where she would take a razor
blade to her arms and legs. She would
regularly take overdoses and end up in the
local a and e. She would have sex with
anybody who took an interest, and she
eventually got a particularly nasty
disease. She saw herself as a worthless
piece of scum. Actually, she was the most
stunningly attractive young woman you
would ever like to meet, a beautiful and
intelligent person who would have gone
very far in different circumstances. Yet
her self-hatred took over her life.
She’s dead now, found in a scummy bedsit
with a needle in her arm, a life wasted.
So my message to you is this: enjoy the
sex, don’t feel guilty about it.
Explore your sexuality, even if this
exploration takes you to dark places.
Realise that guilt is a negative thing,
you’ve got a right as a human being to
explore your sexuality and it doesn’t
matter what anybody else thinks. Above
all, realise that you are a beautiful
person who deserves to be loved, and you
will find that love one day; in the
meantime enjoy life to the full, party and
laugh and medical question until you
drop.
You’re not really that messed up at all.
You are confused, so what? Join the
club! You’ve got your whole life ahead
of you, make the most of it!
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Freestyler
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 3 Location: SD,CA
Many Things to Ponder Posted: 03-31-05 03:19am
Well this may seem weird, but for the
epileptic seizures have you ever been
tested for food allergies??
I will not even go into my own hell, but I
have had some similarities in symtoms.....
I had the early sex desires as well ...
Still working on some things...
My neighbor had serious seizures, etc, and
after years of high paid specialists and
many meds and diagnosi, they find she was
deathly allergic to wheat, which caused
many of the seizure issues.
As for the rest I think a professional is
best as they know how to be completely
unbiased and helpful...
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batibo78
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 2
hello Posted: 03-22-08 21:03pm
i would love to share some knowledge with
you.
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 03-22-08 22:42pm
I personally have now problem with your
addiction and the way you go about dealing
with it. What I do have a problem with is
you abrasive, offensive comments about
other things. You hate Christains? Then so
be it, be please keep it off this board.
Comments like that and others will only
lead to the road of anger in others that
may be intimidated by your comments. You
are here to talk about your addiction and
that is what we are here to help you with.
So please keep your personal unrelated
comments to yourself.
Thank-you!
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anniemae
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 6
OLD POST Posted: 03-23-08 10:32am
Carrie, why would you reply to a post that
is from 2004? It is a waste of eveyone's
time.
Thanks
Annie
