Eating Disorders Forum - I'm 15 And Really Am Lost

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Q: I'm 15 And Really Am Lost

asked by: Lost_in_a_werid_world on October 9th, 2004

New User

Hi everyone,
i;m new to this site... But when I read some things I just thought I should join... I dont no if I have a problem.. I don't no if I should call myself bulimic or not... Cause really I don't no if I am... My life is perfect... It really is .. I have a mom a dad a sister and a twin brother... They love me I no they do... But it doesnt seem like it does... I started 2 make myself sick just a few weeks ago.... I remember I never could make myself sick... But one day.. I jsut did... I was shocked... But I remember I felt so good after... I dont throw up everything I eat... And I dont do it every day... But I still make myself sick Shocked

am I still sick? I really dont no anymore.. Its werid.. I talk 2 my friends well my 2 best friends and they say its wrong... But I dont no anymore.. I like 2 do it .. And in o thats not good... And I no making urself sick is so bad for u ... But I cant help it ... They said that I should stop becuase if I dont I wont ever stop.. It;ll become a habit... But 2 tell u the truth... I think i;m already hooked.. I mean I still dont throw up often cause i;m trying 2 keep myself from doin it... But all I keep thinking about is making myself sick.. I keep thinking about how fat I am... Compared 2 all my friends o man i;m huggeee... I weighed 115 like 2 weeks ago and now I weigh 110.... I like this.. My stomach is actually getting flatter.. I reallydont no y but it is .. I;m starting 2 get scared... I;ve been so tired lately and I can hardly do my work at skool.. Do u think i;m jsut over reacting? And being stupid? Becuase I feel bad comparing me 2 some other girls on this site.... I have no reason 2 be complainning theres more ppeople that need help.. I jsut dont no what 2 do.. I;m new 2 all this ... And I dont want 2 get hurt.. And I dont want 2 hurt anyone in my life... Especially my boyfriend... I love him 2 death.. But hes so much skinnier then me... I feel so... I dont no sometimes werid around him but sometimes not... Just compared 2 him i;m a beast... ( well kinda hes jsut built) what do u think is wrong with me.. Maybe jsut a fase? I;d love 2 here some sort of advice...

Replies(4)

sandyallen

replied on October 9th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Yes, you do need help! This can mess up your whole system, your mind, your life it can even kill you! Talk to your parents, your Dr., an aunt or someone that will help you! Don't be ashamed, we all need a little help sometime in our lives! Keep in touch!
Sincerely,
sandy

RoseAxel

replied on October 9th, 2004

Experienced User

Yes, you are on the path to bulimia. It's a really good thing that you've sorta recognized this and are reaching out. It will become a larger issue and be worse to deal with eventually. Talk to a psychologist or a school counselor, and your parents. It seems they would help you out immensely.
I won't judge you based upon your weight as basically everyone does. I myself am 110 pounds and people say i'm skinny when I think i'm not really, especially not as compared to most girls, just slender with big legs(partially due to muscle from walking so much). I go through bouts of starvation, but have tried to stop and haven't for a while now. I know that if I found out how to make myself sick i'd do it as well. It mostly had to do with my home life, but now i'm at college with some freedom and don't have my parents around.
If you want a flatter stomach, just do a little working out. I don't really have advice for that, but, since starting college, i've started doing yoga and pilates like i've wanted to for a while and didn't have the transportation, means or funds for. It hasn't been long enough to really see any results, but I feel just so much better after i'm done. I feel so very relaxed and pure and just good about myself, which is completely contrary to how I normally am.
I'm no one to say the following things, but I think they're true, I just can't believe them myself (other mental problems- depression, social anxiety disorder, low self-esteem, etc. Now i'm the one who's really lost. Smile

). Don't compare yourself to other people, because you're so special yourself. You're beautiful as you are, especially inside I can tell. You're just being a little hypocritical of yourself, and can't really look all objectively at yourself.
Oh, and do not compare your body to your boyfriend's! It's so easy for most guys to be skinny at this time in their lives. They don't get fat in the same places as girls do. Just wait and he'll gain some weight in a few years, with maturity and all, most likely. If not, then he's just the freak.;p
keep in touch. It'll be alright.
~veronica

chilipekine

replied on October 10th, 2004

New User

Its good that you are reaching out and trying to get help, and you are going down the path of being a bulimic.I can relate to you, i've been throwing up for about a year now and I remember the first time I did it I was like "yes I did it" and then I did it again and again for about a month.. But my parents cought me and I went to thrapy for about 3 times and I convinced everyone I would stop since I wasn't addicted or anything and I thought I wasn't either, but I was wrong I mean just doing it for a month, I was addicted to it and that seem like what you are going though now. Its just the fact that you know how to do it, it make you do it.... Does that make sence? I just want you to know that you should talk about this with someone and you are I guess do that here. I really hope you can get better, because for me now doing it for a year, it startes to become a big burden on you and then you will hate every minute of it... I mean I want to stop but I can't I tell myself every day, "this is the last time" and it is, it never is. I just hope you can get better now, before its soo much hard to stop... Good luck and I hope you hear from you

Lost_in_a_werid_world

replied on October 10th, 2004

New User

Thank you...
I really love this site... I mean for some reason it makes you feel better about yourself... I hear everything all you writers are saying and I mean this.. Thank you... But for some reason... I just got it in my head that I just want 2 keep making myself sick.. I don't want 2 go see a doctor because I really don't think its a big deal... Well not right now at least.. It hasn't clicked in at all... I still cant believe i;m doing it... But I haven't done it for like 3 days... But I keep telling myself after everything I eat... If I wanted I can be sick... I just haven't had a chance 2 do it... Everyones always home and I don't want my parents 2 find out...Chilipekine... What you said does make sense... It makes alot of sense and really thats what I think... I don't no what 2 do now.. I don't want 2 be bulimic I really don't... But now.. Thats all I seem 2 think about... I;ve always just been so... Caught up in calories and stuff.. I don't count calories or anything like that... But everytime I eat something... Anything... I always thing oh my gosh look at all the fat going into my body.. After I eat something I feel so bad... I just feel like crying... I don't no if thats normal or not but its how everything goes now... I hate 2 eat!! I really do ... But I no I have 2 ... I hate 2 no that people have been bulimic and anorexia for so long... I mean already its only been a few weeks for me and i;ve just felt bad... My heart goes out 2 all of you.. And I really hope you will all get a miracle... You;ll all learn and see how beautiful you are... Keep in touch for sure Smile

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