Hysterectomy Forum - So Young And So Much to Deal With!

Womens Health > Hysterectomy Forum > So Young And So Much to Deal With!

Q: So Young And So Much to Deal With!

asked by: TIGGERTNT1905 on October 7th, 2004

New User

Hi everyone,
i am 24 years old. I have two little girls. My oldest will be 3 in jaunary and the youngest will be 2 in febuary. A few months before I became preganat with my oldest I had 2 sugeries because I found out then I had . I was told by the first Dr. Would not be able to have children and hte second Dr. Said if I could be come pregant I had maybe 2 to 3 years, well I was very very lucky I had 2 children in that time.
Anyways the past 3 months have been very painfull for me. I have been experencing the same pains I had back then. So my husband and I had talked about what we thought the dr was going to say and we decided that if it was at all posiable we would try for any other baby, but since I have been on the birth control shot it would he harder for us to get prego rigth away. But if the dr say then htat was what we were going to do. I just need to be out of this pain. Its not good for me to be going threw this nor my daughters they dont understand whats wrong with me and why I cant do the things I did with them before.
So I went back to the last Dr. I saw for the endometriosis and well he said now that I have had 2 children he would recommend me having a full . So after talking to the dr and knowing what my husband and I decided. I booked the hysterectomy. So its booked for october 21......2 weeks today.
I am really starting to become afraid of what this sugery will do to me and to my realationship with my husband. He has said to me that he wanted anyother child, but if I cant have any more then thats fine, because he only wants children with me. He has also said that he only said what he said because he knows how badly I wanted to have one more child, he said he wanted to have another cuz he knows that what I wanted and he knows how happy I would be to be a mother to a thrid child.
But because of the past he and I have had its very hard for me to accept what hes saying. Just about a year ago I found out he had a affair. I decided to stay with him because I love him very much and I knew we coudl get threw this and well its been very very hard, but I think I am doing well with dealing with the sitauation. Now how all of this fits in togerther is well, I am now feeling very affraid that I am going to lose him now because I cant give him anymore children. I am feelin that he wants another child he will eitehr leave me becasue I cant have anymore or he will just mess around again to hve another child.
I have started to feel like I trust him alittle again and but now with the sugery about to happen its very hard again, only cuz I will not be able to give him anotyher child even though he has said it sooooooooo many times that he only wants children with me.
I know this is not right of me to ask or to say to him but I truely feel that if he has a vasectomy it would make this whole thing so much easier for me to deal with. Do you all think I am way out of line to think about this?
I know most of you think I am toally crazy! But will any of these feeling about me worrying about all of this go away? Or once the surgery is done will it only get worst and totally ruine our family....The family that we have worked so hard to save this past year?
Thank you for your time, I would appreacite any advise from anyone on this! And what you may think I am up for after the suregery?
Tammy

Replies(3)

juniper

replied on October 7th, 2004

Experienced User

It sounds like you have several issues to deal with.

One is the upcoming hysterectomy. If they are also taking your ovaries out (as they often do with severe endo cases), you are in for a big recovery. You maybe be able to go on hrt, but often not for 6 months, so you'll have a long period of surgical menopause, which is much more radical than natural menopause where you ease into it. Please check out hystersisters.Com, it's an online community of women who have been through what you are going through now. They can give you lots of support.

Second, you have issues with your husband on many fronts. The first is your mutual desire to have a baby. My feeling on this is if one person in the relationship wants a baby and is unyielding there is little you can do to solve it. However, you have two children already. These are wonderful gifts to be treasured and nurtured. Both of you need to look down there at the little ones that are hugging your knees and be grateful for what you have now.

A vasectomy for him seems a bit odd, perhaps even vindictive. What if something were to happen to you, say ten or twenty years from now. He should still have the option of starting another family. If you have a hyster, there's no reason for him to get a vasectomy (though it is a safe procedure, there is always a chance of complications, why risk it?)

his infidelity is a separate issue from your upcoming hyster. He did not stray because you can't have kids. You two need to have a very frank discussion about what you want out of your marriage. It would be a shame for him to just want to make babies but not be interested in raising them with their mother. I suggest you get some counseling (either go alone or a couples counselor). This hysterectomy is going to be a huge issue for you as a young woman and your transition will be easier with some guidance. There are also support groups that meet for couples who are challenged with infertility that might help as well.

Take care.

sandyallen

replied on October 7th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I had a hysterectomy(complete), I did not even know I was going thru menopause until after it was over, yes, I might have had a few mild symptoms, but no worse than pms. At least it was better than having cancer pain and I was up moving around after the 3 days in the hospital, a little slow at first but I was o.K. True, I was older, and I didn't have kids but I have no regrets! You will be o.K. After a while, you will be able to understand more!
Sincerely,
sandy

etredwr8

replied on October 7th, 2004

New User

Hysterectomy/endometriosis

Hi there,
although I can't really comment on the husband issue, I also have endometriosis. I understand your fears. I'm 27, and was faced with the same situation. My suggestion to you would be to see another doctor. I don't know if you have attempted to have the endo removed or not, but you should at least try that first. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it does. It sounds to me that you are not ready for such a huge decision. Believe me, I know that your pain can be completely life altering, there are a few things that you can try. Search the internet for info. And read everything that you can. Get several opinions! That is not a decision to make lightly, eventhough you are in great amounts of pain.

Best of luck with your decision.

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc