1. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one
word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve,
its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between
"hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their
religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career
with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance
well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the
universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can
give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings
time.
10. You should never say anything to a
woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you
can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should
stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That
time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human
beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or
ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we all believe that we are above
average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but
rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (this is very important. Pay
attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something
new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the ark. A large group of
professionals built the titanic!
