Joined: 04 Oct 2004 Posts: 1 Location: New Zealand
My Mum Committed Suicide 3 Weeks Ago And I Am So Scared Posted: 10-04-04 18:14pm
I have been feeling like I am going to die
from my heart palpitations. I have
resigned from my job as I just cant do it.
She swallowed a horrible mix of rat bait
pellets and weedkiller. I came home from
work to find her laying dead on the bed.
She had also tried to cut her neck but it
must of hurt to much. I feel so guilty
as we were not on speaking terms when she
did it. She was a wonderful mum, but had
a drinking binge problem. We think she
had an awful father in england, and she
had fallen into some depression just
saying that she wanted to be turned in for
being a bad mother when we were younger.
Apart from her drinking she was a
wonderful mum. So caring, a few weeks
ago she tried to talk about it with me for
the first time. She seemed so down and
lost. And I just blew up! I yelled
and swore and said how dare you want to
come to me for answers when I was affected
by her drinking growing up. I really hit
the roof, and didn't speak to her for
weeks. I feel so guilty, its just in me
all the time. I feel frozen. Mum and
dad were happily married for 43 years. I
feel so awful for dad and worry about my
sisters. Before this I had been on
aropax for panic attacks and thought I was
just about ready to come off them as I was
getting stronger and stronger. Now I
find I sometimes take two a day. I am
going to go to the doctor. God why did
she do this? I am just so scared and
guilty and worry about everything now.
Can anyone help?
Thanks and sorry for such sad reading.
Your mum was sick, depression is a
sickness and if you dont get the help you
need this is the sad reality of it. Dont
blame yourself, she probably would have
done this even if you didnt have that blow
up. What you need to do is make sure that
you and your family get counselling do
deal with this, either separately or as a
family. Did she happen to be on
medication
some meds can actually increase the risk
of suicidal thoughts. God bless you and
your family during this time of hell I
cant even imagine the feelings you must be
going through. My mom tried several times
(was always when people were around and we
were able to help)but it was a combination
of drinking and prozac that caused the
suicidal tendencies(even though the
doctors wont admit it.) now that she is
off the meds she doesnt have those same
thoughts. Thats why I ask about meds.
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inverta
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Oct 2004 Posts: 13
Posted: 10-13-04 08:55am
I am so sorry for you...Please, please try
not to feel bad about blowing up at
her...It is not your fault...She must have
been in such a terrible place...I have
attempted suicide many times in the past
and now I try so hard to think about how
my actions would effect the people I
love...Unfortunately, people can become so
depressed and feel so bad about who they
are or how they have been that they just
feel that everyone might be sad, but
better off without them...I hope this
isn't coming out wrong, but please, take
care of yourself...My grandfather killed
himself by walking in front of a bus...We
never learned this until 5 years ago when
my uncle became suicidal and got
help...Then we discovered my aunt who had
claimed she fell down a flight of stairs
and was paralyzed down one side of her
body, actually shot herself in the
head...This is an illness, a sickness that
is hereditary...But counseling and
medication can help...As hard as it is,
please try to find it in yourself to at
least go to some counseling...You can feel
better you really can
if you need a friend, or anything at all,
please email me
inverta
@mindless.Com
sharon
some meds can actually increase the risk
of suicidal thoughts. God bless you and
your family during this time of hell I
cant even imagine the feelings you must be
going through. My mom tried several times
(was always when people were around and we
were able to help)but it was a combination
of drinking and prozac that caused the
suicidal tendencies(even though the
doctors wont admit it.) now that she is
off the meds she doesnt have those same
thoughts. Thats why I ask about meds.