I have been feeling like I am going to die from my heart palpitations. I have resigned from my job as I just cant do it. She swallowed a horrible mix of rat bait pellets and weedkiller. I came home from work to find her laying dead on the bed. She had also tried to cut her neck but it must of hurt to much. I feel so guilty as we were not on speaking terms when she did it. She was a wonderful mum, but had a drinking binge problem. We think she had an awful father in england, and she had fallen into some depression just saying that she wanted to be turned in for being a bad mother when we were younger. Apart from her drinking she was a wonderful mum. So caring, a few weeks ago she tried to talk about it with me for the first time. She seemed so down and lost. And I just blew up! I yelled and swore and said how dare you want to come to me for answers when I was affected by her drinking growing up. I really hit the roof, and didn't speak to her for weeks. I feel so guilty, its just in me all the time. I feel frozen. Mum and dad were happily married for 43 years. I feel so awful for dad and worry about my sisters. Before this I had been on aropax for panic attacks and thought I was just about ready to come off them as I was getting stronger and stronger. Now I find I sometimes take two a day. I am going to go to the doctor. God why did she do this? I am just so scared and guilty and worry about everything now. Can anyone help?
Thanks and sorry for such sad reading.