Hi, im a younge woman and this summer I lost my virginity, in my culture this is a big no no, and I was wondering when I get married eventully will my husband be able to tell if im a virgin just by us having sex?, can the man feel a difference if the hymen is broken or still there, and tell without you telling him that u are or arent a virgin?
please help me I know its probably sounds silly but I just need to know
Well it depends, some can't others can't. Most likely if he's a virgin also he shouldn't be able to tell. All you have to do is act like you did when you first had sex. It hurted right so act like you are in pain, and its your first time when you get married and do the nasty.
First time sex usually causes a small amount of bleeding (not to mention some pain).
For the man, he may feel a bit more resistance during entry into the vagina, but after a few thrusts, the hymen is broken and there should be no difference.
A man or really anyone aware of female anatomy should be able to visibly tell if the hymen is still there. However, there are other ways that a woman can lose her hymen (some have virtually no hymen at all), usually due to injury or vigorous activities such as horseback riding.
You can practice clenching your vagina (using kegel exercises) which would mimic that feeling for the man (these are also the same contractions that he would feel when you climax).
That said, a relationship based on a lie about intimacy does not speak well for a union at all. When it comes time to be serious enough to marry someone, I would hope that your relationship was open enough to discuss your sexual history.
If you had sex this time, it sounds like maybe you don't really accept the values of your culture anyway -- and there is no reason that you should, necessarily, so don't feel bad if you don't. But maybe you regret losing (i.E. Discarding) your virginity now? And you plan on following your cultural mores, and then not being intimate with your prospective husband before marriage?
If so, and it is important to you not to be honest about your past with your eventual husband, then my advice would be to take up some kind of strenuous physical activity as a hobby -- horse-riding is your best bet. These sorts of activities are known to tear the hymen, so it can be your excuse. If, as someone else suggested, you can then act as if you are totally new to the event, scared, nervous, etc., then if you don't bleed it would take a very suspicious groom to think you were after all tainted goods...If you decide to go this route, then make sure you will be able to keep your secret.
Otherwise, maybe you need to ask yourself if you agree that virginity on marriage is that big a deal. And further -- how can you be sure your husband is a virgin on your wedding night? If it isn't important that he is, why is it important that you are?
It is unfortunate that a culture that sees a woman who is not a virgin when she marries is probably fine with their young men "sowing their wild oats".I know that there are procedures the rebuild the hymen.I think that they are done by plastic surgeons.I do not know how much that procedure costs,but I have seen it on the discovery channel.I wish you the best.Patty
I lost my virginity at 13, I have been sexually active for nearly 13 years - I have never bled from having sex, not my first time, and I have never found it "painful" as described. My first time was rather boring, no pain, no blood, nothing.
I started horseriding as a child and the chances are my hymen was stretched or broken long before I thought about sex.
Many sports and activities can cause this.
If need be tell a future husband you have led a sporty active life and are aware this may have stretched your hymen.
Same happened to me. I did gymnastics for 7 years and I had no problems what so ever. Me hymen didn't completely disapear either. It's kinda the shape made if you stuck a bowling ball through a base drum. If a clench my pelvic floor it closed together to form a complete hymen. As for hymen reconstruction, I believe (from opera or someone) somthing like 4 years without sex or insertion of any kind (obviously) the hymen tissue can reform. A bit like a healing scar. Though i'm not quite sure how accurate this is. It's definately worth checking out. Coz cosmetic reconstruction could end up costing you thousands. I don't know how strict your family is on activities such as gymnastics, horse riding or yoga (as I havn't seen any muslim women wearing a scarf in the gym). So in the end keigel excersizes and research on some other ideas maybe your only options.
Lol. Okay, first of all not all women bleed their first time. Nor do all women have a hymen. Lots of women, by the time they are sexually active, have already lost their hymen in a period. Some do not ever have one at all and others are lost young simply from being active. (not sexually, physically)
if he is a virgin also, he cannot tell. He may wonder, but will not know for sure.
Also, the hymen is not what causes vaginal tightness, so even if he breaks your hymen, your vagina will still be quite tight as it has not ever been penetrated before. You will eventually relax and will "loosen" up, but your hymen has nothing to do with that.
I never bleed and obviously didn't have a hyman as I was very active as a child. But, I assure you I had never had sex and if anyone had questioned my virginity I would have surely not married them! You have to have trust in a relationship. Is he a virgin? If so, then okay, I can see why it is so important for you to be, but if he isn't then why should you be?
Aren't (in some cases) young eastern men told what to look for though? I know with indians young men used to be encourage to read a book that taught them things that would help them in their marriage and so forth. I wouldn't be suprised if in other countries males were told to recognise one.
Yeah, but being told how to recognize something and being able to do it are two different things.
I mean, first of all, as I said, not all women bleed. So that is not a definate marker.
The only way to really tell would be by tightness and pain she was in, but if you have never had sex, then how can you really determine tightness? Simple, you cannot. And if he has a small penis she isn't going to be in pain.
So, the bottom line is if he is a virgin, he cannot tell for sure. If he is experienced then he should be able to tell, but it just depends. A lot of people aren't too bright to begin with and would never know.
Still faking it unless your life is in danger is not very smart. So I suggest you don't try it. M hotsafrik right though there aren't many guys that go searching your oraphises before sex, so I really wouldn't worry. Besides this whole problem of sex before mariage in muslim cultures isn't as minor as you'd first think. I'm sure there would be support on the net that could help you out.
I didn't suggest lying, I simply stated the facts.
I also didn't say or suggest that this whole virgin thing in certain culutures is minor. I know it isn't, but at the same time even if she was a virgin and didn't bleed she would probably still be beaten or outcast, whatever it is that they do to women for this "grave sin"
maybe you should marry a man who respects you for you?
Hotasfrick I was making statements based on the whole conversation so don't worry I wasn't making out you said things when you didn't. I think yeah she should go find somone who will treat you reall good. But while saying that not all muslims are stone throwing fire starting woman bashing honour freaks. Most western people are misleaded by the way the culture works. And that most of the time it's about protecting members of their family and the family in general. I just wanted to point out to anyone that read this topic that we don't veiw all muslims in this manor. So as not to make us look like selfrighteous western pigs. Which most of us are anyway....*roles eyes*
I understand that cultures are different. I am not against muslims or anyone else for that matter regardless of what they believe. I would not, however, ever marry a man who didn't respect me for me and who expected me to be a virgin even if he is not. I will not stay home and breed, cook, clean and do everything for my man. That is me. I don't think it is fair to hold women back like that.
A lot of women in those kinds of cultures prefer that kind of life so it really isn't holding them back, because that is what they want. Even here, some women still want that life. I am just a firm believer that you should choose your life and not have it chosen for you. It isn't right.
Actually if you read the first post, she didnt say she was muslim, just that her "culture" made it a big deal! That could still be some conservative catholic places, or anabaptists or whatever!
But the idea of marrying a man and saying you will spend the rest of your life with him, before you'd slept with him would be tooo horrible. Okay, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but if it's really terrible, like if he is brutal or thinks that woman should just lie there or whatever, what then?
What bothers me most about all these answers, is that so many advise the OP to lie. Trust is ONE OF or possibly the most important thing in a marriage. Another is communication. Without trust or communication and based upon lies it can be doomed to failure, before it begins... If you cant communicate with a partner before marriage, then Id not marry them. If you feel being a virgin is not important to you, then WHY marry a man who would think it so important. Such differences in beliefs are bound to cause even more problems in the future.