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Anorexia, Adderall, And Insomnia (Page 1)

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I'm a college student on about 60mg of adderall a day for add (20mg/3x/day). I'm incredibly dependent on it and use it primarily for weight control. I get incredibly satisfaction out of how long I can go without eating. I haven't been sleeping at all either, I usually go a few days without any sleep at all. Once in awhile I get 4 or 5 hours worth of sleep and then continue the cycle. I recently fractured my rib from having a cold and coughing too much/hard. I know my life is spiraling out of control and once in awhile I eat a considerable meal so my friends can stop worrying so much. I don't know what to do though, I refuse to ask for help or acknowledge my situation. I feel no desire to really change anything but i'm scared and feel like there is no one I can, or want to, talk to. I don't know why i'm really posting this, I guess I just wanted to share and see if anyone else has ever had the same problems while also using adderall or another type of amphetamine. I was never like this before I started using it. I'm depressed unless i'm on it, mainly because it's harder to restrict my food and I have a constant fear of getting fatter. Stopping the medication for a few months has never seemed to help either. I'm sure all 3 problems are connected so I wasn't sure which board to post on. Anyways, i'm not really sure what i'm looking for so no response is really necessary....
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replied October 7th, 2003
Need Help
Look, you know deep down you have a problem. In reality you have a huge problem. What you have is worse than most drug problems. You are addicted to drugs and your body is eating itself from the inside out. If you didnt think you had a problem you wouldnt have posted this. Get help please. You can do it without any friends knowing. I did with cocaine. Knobody ever new. I dont have any direct info. Keep searching though.
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replied October 10th, 2003
Hey Aleve777
What you need to do is go get some help because in the long run you are going to start to feel what you are doing. Get your life on track and get some help. Sad
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replied October 10th, 2003
Motivation
Thanks for the advice but although I know I should ask for "help", I feel no desire or motivation to do so. I'm already experiencing a lot of the negative effects, broken bones in particular. Honestly though, i'd rather break six more ribs than do something about it. I know how screwed up this sounds and even though I know that this is not a normal/good way to be feeling, I can't "connect myself" to it. Does that make sense to anyone else?
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replied October 10th, 2003
You're Not Alone
I came upon this website today and your messages prompted me to become a member. I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you are not alone. I am also a college student who can identify with a lot of what you are saying. I do not take any meds so I can't really offer you any advice with that, but I completely know what you mean when you say that you feel no desire or motivation to get help. You and I both know that our behaviors are unhealthy and abnormal, but if we did seek help then that would mean that we would have to start eating normally and even risk gaining a few pounds. (many of you out there probably have no idea how horrible that thought seems to us). I'm sorry that I don't have any great words of wisdom for you but I just wanted to let you know that I am hear to listen to anything you need to get off your chest and talk about. I will never judge you. Take care and I hope that today is going much better than yesterday and that tomorrow is better than today.
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replied October 25th, 2003
I've been eating okay for the best week or two, generally a meal a day...My friends seemed to be pleased but I hated it. While I enjoyed the food I hated myself for it and i'm pissed because I feel so fat now. I feel like my friends are telling my I look skinnier because they hope I will continue eating but I don't see it, I feel the exact opposite. I am disgusted with myself and i'm going to go back to starving myself because I am honestly happier that way. I don't understand how it's a bad thing if it's the only way I can be happy. One of my friends is so skinny but she thinks she is so fat and I don't think that is helping anything. She tells me i'm skinny but I know she's lying. I'm not saying it's her fault, not at all. I just wish she would stop freaking out about how fat she is every time she eats, at least she can eat and be skinny.
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replied November 15th, 2003
I Can Relate to Your Situation
I am also a college student taking adderall (40mg a day). I recently got a perscription after trying some of my roomates and liking the efffect it has on me. I have add and adderall has dramaticlly helped me in school. But I will admitt that one of the main reasons for wanting to get the perscription was because I knew it would help me loose weight. After being on it my eating habbits have changed and I have lost weight, and im actually happy. Or at least happier than I was before. Although it does make it really hard to sleep. Not being able to sleep had the worst effect on me. I felt stressed out and nervous all the time and I also didnt want to eat, socialize or really do anything. But now I dont take adderall after 5:30pm and sometimes take tylenol pm and I am able to fall asleep. Once I stated getting more sleep I felt a lot better. I understand what you mean about being depressed when your not on it. When I dont take it I just want to cry and sleep all day. I have had a problem with depression before and before I started taking adderall I was feeling really depressed (most likely caused by breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years) and the last thing I wanted was to feel like that again. Adderall solved all of my problems depression, trouble in school, and I can finally loose weight. But even though I have lost weight and want to loose more I still eat, eventhough sometimes I dont want to. I can relate to what you are going through but I still think you should change some things around in your life. Not eating at all is just going to make you end up in an institiution. And I am going to tell you something that I know I have a problem with as well. I am extremely insecure, and after reading your letter I got the impression you were too becuase it almost seemed as if I had written it. One of my teachers advised me to talk to one of the schools counselors. Im sure your university has them as well. I think it would be helpful if you checked it out, it has helped me. Just try to eat more and get some sleep. I dont know if this will help you at all but I hope it does. It made me feel better to know someone has the same kind of problems that I do. Your not alone.
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replied November 15th, 2003
Advanced Support Team
Aderal, Weight Loss, Side Effects
Hi everyone!

In general taking unprescribed medication becomes a problem not because it might hurt you immediately, but because the medications have side effects which may or may not be worth dealing with depending on your situation.

it's kindof like drinking to get rid of a cold - you might kill some bacterea, but you wake up with a hangover, miss work, and get the cold anyway. (3 consequences instead of 1).

Not being able to sleep really screws up life.

If you are coming out of an er and you're prescribed some hardcore drugs it would make sense to take them because of your situation at the time, but if you're taking your roommates meds because you enjoy the way they make you feel, you might be setting yourself up for more serious consequences.

I understand sensitivity to weight, and it makes me curious if people would have the same reaction to being underweight and taking drugs.

I had a problem with being medically underweight while growing up. If I decided that I could do something about it then by taking steroids it kinda sounds more radical than taking speed (amphetamines) to lose weight - although its the same approach. The only difference is that our society somehow decided that being underweight was prefered to being overweight, so my problem was only pointed out by buff athletic types rather than all of society while I was just as unhealthy as someone who was overweight. Western society is pretty messed up like that, and its nobody's fault. It just happened. Now what am I going to do about it? Overeat? Starve? Or enjoy my life and try to stay healthy? It's a choice.


chemicals are a temporary solution to some other underlying problem.

actually, I felt guilty eating because we could not afford much after moving to a different country. The solution for me had nothing to do with chemicals, but with understanding my emotions.


Please see my post about side effects of aderall under

forums -> depression -> meds may not be the best solution


best wishes...
Daniel
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replied January 17th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Hun.. Adderall and an e/d are a terrible mix.. Does your doc know about your eating? When my doc found out he took me off adderall imediantly.. It will only make things worse. .And u shouldnt use it for weight control. .That medication w/out food can reeeally mess up your body.. Put me in the hospital.
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replied January 18th, 2004
Need to Talk?
Hi! I just read the posting by aleve777. My heart really goes out to you, I am recovering from anorexia my self. 2 years ago at this time I weighed 106 pounds and my body was eating the little it had left to continue going. My drug of choice was different, but I think the result is the same. I cannot tell you what the final straw was for me other than realizing I was going to die. I had bruises on my tail bone from the bath tub and did not have the energy to stand in the shower. I have learned how to control my weight other ways (healthy ways) if you would like to hear more I would be more than glad to help if I can. I would like to know how much you weight right now?
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replied February 27th, 2004
Addicted to Adderall...addicted to Being Thin
I have an adderall addiction that is out of control. I feel like I am smarter, more alert, and able to not eat while I am on it. The thing I love the most is the not eating part. Before I got my perscription I was at a healthy weight, I was a little chubby and it made me feel insecure. Once I started taking it I could smoke weed and not get the munchies and not feel tired, I was a star employee at my job because all I wanted to do was work, and my grades improved so much because I would sit down to study and nothing would keep me from finishing all of my work and it made me not even think about food. Well now that my addiction is out of control I am disgustingly skinny and eventhough I know this I don't want to stop taking it because i'm afraid I will get fat. Along with depriving myself of food, I deprive myself of sleep...Occassionally I will smoke weed to help me fall asleep but that's curing one addiction with another. And for the whole feeling smarter thing....I have never been so ditzy in my life. It makes sense why, your brain needs food and sleep to function properly!! I no longer have any energy, so work is going down hill. Honestly I started taking adderall because I thought it improved who I was and it made me feel so confident in myself...Now because of adderall I am even more insecure about myself because I feel like hell and I know I look like hell. I'm writing this to let people know that they are not alone in this. I remember thinking that I was probably one of the few with this problem...I'm one of the millions. I've just started taking lexapro for my depression and i'm talking to a therapist and i'm hopeing I can get over this vicious endless cycle. I've started to care about myself and that's why I know I need to stop. People used to give me advice all of the time but its in one ear out the other. You won't be able to help yourself until you realize that you are worth something. Anyone who had any self respect would not do this to themselves because of the horrible things it does to your body. I remember not caring what happened to me and thinking that no one cared....People do care, if you don't see that then you are so deep in depression and you need help. When you realize that you are not a piece of crap then you will stop treating yourself like a piece of crap. Try setting short term goals, don't wake up one day and say " I am never taking adderall again!" though it would be nice, if you are addicted then it's likely that that is an unobtainable goal. Try just taking a little less at first. If you don't set hard to reach goals then when you slip up you won't feel like you screwed up once again. I honestly think that adderall has changed my personality...I'm a lot meaner, and I am not a mean person. If you are thinking about taking adderall to control your weight or if you do it already you need to stop because you will most likely end up worse than you started. I am here to talk to anyone who is going through this...Talking to people is the best medicine. I won't judge anyone and trust me i've done the worst so you probably wont surprise me. If you think just for a second u might have a problem, chances are you probably do. The first thing you need to do is want to make yourself better, if you're whole mind and heart aren't into getting better then you probably wont. Please everyone stay safe and love yourselves....You'll benefit in the end.
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replied February 29th, 2004
Wow...Ok, I hadn't checked this board in months because I assumed my post had died out....It was really comforting to see so many replies and to know how many people were going through similar experiences. I'm not sure why I logged on tonight...I think it has something to do with a bunch of people coming up to me today and telling me how much weight i've lost... Especially my friend saying, "if you loose any more weight, you are going to die"....I don't get it...I don't see it at all....I see the opposite, I think i've gained weight and I can't comprehend how people can see differently....So I automatically assume that they just think I have a problem and want me to be healthier so they are lying to me about how fat I really am. I am fat, I always have been, I always will be....I just !**@! hate these cycles of being happy, being fat, being happy, being fat....I am definitely sleeping better..Well, all my classes are in the afternoon so I can get about 4-6hours a night...My grades have improved although I did havea bit of a rough patch and it was basically due to the effects of starvation...Anyways, sorry for the ramble, it was really nice to see that people I don't even know understand and cared....Part of my problem though is that in order for people to really genuienly care, you need to care about them, and they need to know that you do care....Too bad I would never let anyone get close enough for me to care about them, or to at least show it....The last person I tried that with was a manipulative !**@! who wasted 6 !**@! years of my life and cheated on me.....Ok, major venting....Goodnight and thanks to anyone who read this........
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replied June 10th, 2004
Girls Who Take Adderall to Lose Weight
Since so many of my friends have become addicted to adderall because they lose weight-- I have decided to research it and see how widespread of a problem it is. And also to see what other girls with the same experiences have done. If you would like to talk, please email or reply to this post.

Keep your head up---we'll find a way out!
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replied June 29th, 2004
Response to Aleve777 And Anyone Else
I was prescribed to take 40 mg a day about 2 years ago and really felt like I had become addicted to the high it gave me. I'm 6' 2" and had gotten down to 155, not on purpose, just bc you really do lose your appetite. I felt I had to do something so I didn't take it for about 3 days and worked out every day(which helps alot) and now I can't even think about the stuff. I'm up to 170 within 2 weeks. Just try and get through 3 days and find something that makes you feel good, and I think that will help.
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replied July 10th, 2004
Wow, 60mg per day!? That seems like a pretty high amount to me. It probably is even dangerous if you're not under close supervision by a doctor. Where are you getting this stuff?! A doctor isn't going to prescribe adderall for weight loss. I lost ~ 15 lbs in ~ 30 days on 20mg! I can't imagine being on 60mg--no way. The fact of the matter is that you *need* to inform your doctor of your addiction and he will be more than happy to help wean you off of the medication and refer you to counseling. Unless you want to die early, you will get help. You're the only one who's in control of your body.
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replied August 21st, 2004
Re: I Can Relate to Your Situation
I have the same habit. I take forty mg a day. Each morning I wake up I try so hard not to take so much adderall but I end up taking a little more periodically during the day. I take it to suppress my appetite. I tried to slowly stop my addiction over summer break but have started to take them again. I have lost over 10 pounds. I needed to lose the weight off that I gained when stopping the pills. Adderall helps me to be successful in school and look wonderful. I never talk to anyone about my addiction. None of my family members know that I take it. I do not like being dependant on adderall but can not stop taking them. Its a great way to keep off the pounds, have energy to work out, and study. At night I always pop two execerderin pm and sleep lightly until the morning.
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replied December 4th, 2004
Adderall
Where could I get some adderall without a prescription? Any links?
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replied June 3rd, 2005
Re: Adderall
I just read this forum and joined. It seems absolutely crazy how many people are hooked on this stuff. And for most people (def me) its not because they necessarily like the way it makes them feel but because it destroys your appetite. And most of the abusers are also girls. Im 16 and go to a high school where drugs are a huge problem. Someone got caught with crack on campus the other day... Anyways, I started datin this guy about a year and a half ago and both of us were pretty young. He didnt do anything bad at that point and I was extremely sheltered. After about 9 months I found out that my boyfriend had smoked pot but it wasnt that big of a deal to me. In the past 6 months or so hes started hangin out with different people (nice people, ive actually hung out with a few of them) and smokes weed alot and will occasionally pop prescription pills. We broke up for abuot a month and I remember he lost about 30 or thirty pounds over the course of two months and I always wondered how it came off. I asked him and he told me that this kid would always give him adderall for free and hed take them and not feel hungry and that was how he thought he lost it. Well, at this point I had started to pop my moms hydrocodones she kept lying around since I was stressed about the breakup. Then I started smoking weed partly because I wanted my then ex boyfriend to think I was cool and like me again and partly because my mom smokes it and it was just easy access. We did get back together and from then on I would beg my boyfriend for adderall (i was very insecure about my weight even though it was very health) and he always said no that it was bad for you. Dont get the wrong impression im not talking about poor trailor trash kids here just doin drugs, my boyfriend was from a repectable family and was just the typical pothead. I'm from an extremely well to do family and this was totally new to me. Anyways finally after months of begging, my boyfriend got me twenty-five 10 mg adderalls. I loved the feeling it gave me at first and I really really really loved how it made my appetite disappear. After I went through those I asked my boyfriend for some more and after some more begging on my part he got me fifty 30mgs. Writing this down makes me sound so trashy and crackhead like but tahts not how I am at all, I dont skip school and I get straight a's. Anways I started taking these things every day and I lost weight and my test grades went up but I also could not sleep and I woudl crash emotionally pretty hard every day and this caused major relationship probs with my single mom. I did lose weight and I loved it. I would get very very very emotional about stuff though and would cry over stupid stuff and woudl get very worked up. After I finally finished that bottle I stayed off it for a while and actually was much much much happier after the intitial three days of crashing. Things improved dramatically. I didnt get as good of grades and I started to gain weight. Anyways while I was off them I got along better with my mom and didnt lash out or anything. I was also smoking weed alot heavier so I got the mumchies alot and did start to gain weight. I hated this especially because I knew that if I just had some adderall I could lose it all fast. So I fought with my boyfriend and he got me some more jsut recently, and as soon as I started to take them I started getting in more fights with my mom and I feel more depressed. I want them solely for weight loss and I now hate the jumpy feeling they give me and I really hate it taht I cant sleep but I still keep on taking them to lose weight. Its really a miracle weight loss drug but the side effects are pretty serious. Just to let people know the crash goes away after like three days. Recently ive gotten up in the morning and not wanted to take it but I have knowing it will help me lose weight. I know this is so unhealthy but I can stop and I def cant ask for help. Thanks for lettin me get this all out, it feels great. Any suggestions would be great....
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replied June 3rd, 2005
*really Amazed Right Now!!
Hi everyone!! :) I just happened to "stumble" upon this website and started to read it. I am absolutly amazed at how many people feel the way I do. I guess I would have never thought. I am 18 years old and for the past few months I have been taking my younger brothers adderall. He told me that they decrease his appetite and that he didnt like them. Well, I took (1) 30mg one morning and I loved the feeling. It wasnt a high feeling it was just a feeling of goodness (so to say). Anyways, the adderall made me want to socialize more, made me more talkitive, I was always in better moods, I had way more energy and time just seemd to go by so fast. The reason I liked it most-- it made me not hungry. I loved that feeling instantly. I'm a person whos concerned about looks, weight and appearance. I guess you can say ive always been like that. So staying fit and looking good is important to me. Taking 1 adderall a day gave me so much energy, made me so much happier and decreased my appetite like 110%-- now dont get me wrong at all.. I dont take these to get high, they just help me through my day. I never thought anything of it untill recently when I didnt have them for a few days. I noticed I was less happy, less energetic and sad to say cause it sounds so shallow (and thats not me) but I felt fat. I think I may be addicted to adderall or atleast am on my way and to tell you the truth it doesnt faze me. They only improve the things that I do and like I said b4, I dont take them to get high. I wrote this in hopes that maybe someone in my position (or like it) may want to talk or even anyone with positive feedback. Thanks guys! :d
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replied June 27th, 2005
Hey
Hey im tia and when I was in school I took adderall and I was adicited I took it every day 2 to 3 times a day it made me concintrate and alot more allert to things every time I would tell myself im done doing it my friend always came up to me to buy some and at that point I was so addicted I couldnt say no I never got any sleep because of it I would snort it so it would get to my blood faster I know what you ae going threw I was I wouldnt say annerexic but I would only eat one meal a day because of my insicurity I finally realized how stupid I was being and I took control of it I have been clean for 3 years now and im eating healthier and I could feel any better you really need to get conrol of it befor it gets control of you
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