Broken Hearted Forum - Broken Heart

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Q: Broken Heart

asked by: sad one on October 1st, 2004

New User

I never thought I was capable of love...Let alone having my heart broken. I am a 42 year old female, fairly attractive, very independent, successful....But i've lost the one guy that I really wanted. He obviously doesn't feel the same way about me. We dated for about 5 years, and after the first 2 years...I decided I was in love with him.

He moved 550 miles away from me...And appears to be totally happy. Lonely, but happy. He spoke casually about me moving there....To be with him, how i'd really like it, how my kids woiuld like it....But nothing ever came of it. We've seen eachother twice since last april....And the last time was last weekend.

I did tell him that I missed him....Thought about him at least 20 times a day....And doubted that I could see him as "just a friend" . He thinks that i'm taking everything way too seriously, bein way too emotional. I feel he is minimalizing my feelings...I want him more than anything...Something that I can't have. I wanna see him more....I'd move in a aheart beat, but it would take me time to build my business....And get on my feet. He has decided that he is now "undecided"...Not sure if he wants a real relationship.

I know I have to move on....It's just really hard. And since I just saw him a week ago.... A little more emotional than usual, I suppose.

Any advise....Anyone?

Replies(11)

sad one

replied on October 9th, 2004

New User

Never again will I feel that passion that we shared

never again will I bask in his glow

never again will he look at me like he once did

when we were together, I truly believed that he was a gift from god, that I was truely destined to be with him, he made my life so complete. I was so happy. It's so unbelieveable to me still, that we've gone our seperate ways. Sad

inverta

replied on October 9th, 2004

New User

Its So Hard

I know how u feel...I was supposed to get married on august 22 of this year...He canceled 1 week before...His family has always disliked me for really no reason other than that they don't want to let him go(of course, he's almost 32)...We were planning on moving about 1500 miles away together, now he left 1 1/2 weeks ago on his own...Says he needs to get his life together, be a responsible "man" and get his own place...I got a job there and am moving down but we will still be 6 hours away from each other...I am also worried that I may be pregnant...I can't imagine ever being w/anyone else, and my heart has been ripped apart...We talk every day and I know he wants me there, yet he won't tell his family or friends...
i would be happy to be an ear or a shoulder to cry on...Wish I could say it gets better, but it sure hasn't yet for me

sad one

replied on October 9th, 2004

New User

Thank u so much for the reply. I trly thought that no one here really had any kind of clue. I know that I am not alone, and after reading your reply, I must say that I feel somewhat lucky, maybe because I am a little older, and over the whole child thing. I cannot even imagine what that would be like anymore, when I was pregnant with my children, I never had this feeling.

Anyways, thank u for the reply, I so hope that everything in your life turns out ok. As for my life....I've had my fun, and I am not afraid of ...What is ahead. I do hope that one day, I will find a totally compatable soul, but I am definately not gonna hold my breath, I truly believe that that will never happen, I just gotta find........Other things that make me happy.

broken

replied on October 13th, 2004

New User

Sad one, you have my extreme sympathy. Until last week I believed everything in my life was going fine. Married 24 years, same job for 27 years, house, grown children, grandchildren, etc. No indication of any problems with my marraige. Oct. 6th, I accidently discovered an email from my wife (soon to be ex-wife) to her lover...It was to say at the least ,very graphic describing there times together and how she couldn't wait to be with him again.. Words cannot adequetly explain the pain I felt and am feeling. I confronted her and she denied it at first, but when you have the proof in your hand, its difficult to continue to lie. She says it had been going on 2 months, but she has been unsatisfied with me and our marriage for quite some time. I told her I could forgive her, and we could try to re-build our marriage, but she wants no part of it. To sum up her feelings, she told me she loves me, but is not in love with me and never will be. She is moving out tommorow, and I feel like I want to die. I am hanging in though, and I hope you find the strength to do the same.

Whitney4768

replied on October 14th, 2004

Experienced User

Sad One

You have to remember that love will find a way back to your heart I never thought I would find a true love I gave up I kept getting my heart broken but if he was meant for you then he would come back yea you're doing the right thing I know it might be hard at first but trust your heart and its great that you are moving on life can bring us sadness and depression but the outcome can become good. The more you think about him the more upset you are going to be there is no use of thinking about someone who doesnt feel the same way sweetie. The only advice I can give you is go out with friends get involved in social activities and pretty soon you will find a new love but never give your heart away until you are ready if you do it will be broek I learned the hard way now I met the love of my life that im marrying july 2 2005 and I wish you luck and always follow your dreams.

Whitney

sad one

replied on October 14th, 2004

New User

Thank you so much for the replies. I've been doin mush better the last 2 weeks. I still have momements of sadness, but I really think I am finally accepting it.

BADSAL

replied on October 14th, 2004

Experienced User

I feel for you all. My situation is rather different but hopefully you won't judge me. I am married with kids. Unfortunately I have fallen in love with someone else. My husband is ok, we've been married quite a while and we are friends, but to me- that's about it. We have grown apart. To him i'm still the same person as when we met. He doesn't realize who I am now. I hate to leave because of the kids. Their life would be torn apart just because I want to be with the man I fell in love with. I feel I owe it to my kids to stay and provide a stable home for them. I think about my lover everyday and what happiness I would have with him. It is so sad and confusing.

Whitney4768

replied on October 14th, 2004

Experienced User

Badsal

What I would do is talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, tell him that you feel like we are growing apart tell him how the kids would feel. And ask him if he wants to be with you if he doesnt then I would move on it seems as if you found someone that doesnt treat you right. Love can be hard and marriages can fall apart. But through it all things will get better I promise.

whitney

Daile

replied on October 15th, 2004

Experienced User

badsal wrote:

i hate to leave because of the kids. Their life would be torn apart just because I want to be with the man I fell in love with. I feel I owe it to my kids to stay and provide a stable home for them.

you say you don't want to hurt them by leaving, but staying will hurt them more. My parents divorced when I was in third grade, and yeah, at the time I was upset. But now that i'm older I understand why it happened, and i'm glad it did. Think of it this way: when your children are older and realize that the only reason you are married to your husband is because of them, how do you think they will feel. They will know that you are miserable and gave up your chance to be happy, and that it's their fault (say what you will, that's what they will believe). It would be better to put them through a little pain now then to make them live with your bitterness the rest of their lives. Eventually you won't be able to keep up the charade, and will take it out on them, because you will see them as the reason you gave up on teh other man. Don't put everyone through that!

Daile

BADSAL

replied on October 18th, 2004

Experienced User

I know what you say is true. My mom did the same thing. She stayed with my dad long after she no longer was happy. Then when I graduated from high school they finally got a divorce. Now here I am doing the same thing. I just have this feeling sometimes that it isn't all lost and maybe when the kids are grown and we have more time to ourselves and more time to spend with each other that we will be happy again.

Daile

replied on October 20th, 2004

Experienced User

I wouldn't count on that working if I were you. If you feel this strongly about another man now, and decide to stay married to your husband anyway, it most likely won't change. After spending more time with him, until your children are out of the house, you'll probably just find that there are more things about him that bother you. Besides, if you're contemplating leaving him now, what make syou think it will all go away? Wouldn't it be better to divorce him now than to stay with him just in case it does work out, and cheat on him the whole time??

Daile

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