Maybe You Guys Can Give Me Some Advice... Posted: 09-25-04 23:10pm
Hey - ok, i'll tell you a little about my
situation before I ask my question.
About 5 years ago I was told that the man
who I thought was my father, in fact
wasn't. I had had some suspicions earlier
but was never told until I was about 13.
As you can imagine it was quite a shock to
hear that some guy that I had never met
had fathered me and up till then had not
been in my life (and still isn't).
However I learned that it was not his
fault, he actually wanted to raise me on
his own when my mother and him broke
up..Of course she didn't let him. After I
found out about my biological father I
thought it would be cool to meet him, but
didn't do anything about it. Till now.
Now I am 18 and no longer talk to my
mother (she moved to a big city 3 hours
away from where I am).. And just the
other day she e-mailed me to inform me
that she had seen him at some store up
where she lives (he lives in the same
city), they didn't talk or anything
however. So when I read this, it kind of
made it official in my mind that this guy
is really out there, and he is a part of
me! And half of the reason to why I am in
this world today. So I came to the
conclusion that I wanted to contact him.
Now im too chicken sh|t to phone him up
and say "hey dad, this is your daughter"
but I thought that I would write him a
letter instead.
My problem is... How would I start
something like that?? I know a couple of
you on here are really creative and
awesome writers, so if you had .A.N.Y
ideas of how I can begin a letter to him
that would be awesome!!! Oh, and even if
you don't consider yourself to be a good
writer, if any of you had any ideas at all
please let me hear them, it would be much
appreciated.
It takes a lot of courage to do what
you're doing and I think you deserve
respect for that. I have no idea what
you should say in your letter, but I
wanted to tell you that I hope it goes
well.
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IDABABY
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2004 Posts: 2236 Location: ***Wisconsin Baby***
Posted: 09-25-04 23:34pm
Hello-
I would just state the whole sitution.
None of us here are the forum, know what
you are feeling inside completely. I
think you need to take a notebook and pen
then sit at a table and write exactly how
you feel. What your life is like right
now..What you are up to. Talk about your
expections, ask him how he feels about it.
Include your phone number..Just say
whatever you are feeling inside of your
heart.
Hope this helps
-kristin nicole
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cherry_pie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 599
Posted: 09-25-04 23:36pm
Thanks lauren (that is ur name right?).
This is a very big step that I am taking.
I am just worried that the man that I
consider to be my father will be hurt when
he finds out what I am doing
But its not like im trying to replace him
or anything. Anyways, thanks for the
response.
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cherry_pie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 599
Posted: 09-25-04 23:38pm
Oh and thanks to you too kristin.. I
think that is what I will do. One day
when I have the whole day to myself I will
sit down and think about what I would like
to say to him. Thanks for the advice
You might want to talk to your dad (the
man you've always thought was your father)
about what you're going to do before you
do it. I'm sure he'll support you. My
sister (half) was in a similar situation,
but she always knew who her real dad was.
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cherry_pie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 599
Posted: 09-26-04 01:43am
Ya, I think I will bring it up to him when
I see him next.. Im sure he will be
supportive. Thanks hun!
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JoRdAn-N-JaYdYn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2004 Posts: 15 Location: s.c
Posted: 09-26-04 08:24am
Ya girl, ive neverrrrrr everrrrr met my
father! Ive never even seen pictures or
anything, I didnt know his name till I
wasl ike 14!~ my mom says he denied me so
I have no reason to contact him. No
reason to open that vulnerability...But
ifyou want to ... Go for it!
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bellax0x
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2004 Posts: 3572 Location: Jersey Baby!
Posted: 09-26-04 08:44am
I like kristens idea.
I wish you the best of luck hun! I hope
everything works out well!
<3
gaby
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sweetsuzi
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 831 Location: Bonny Scotland
Posted: 09-26-04 13:14pm
I think a letter would be great huni, I
would start by introducing yourself, whats
you do and stuff and how you were told
that he was in fact your father. Now you
are at an age to find out for yourself!
Tell him you have always wondered what it
would be like to meet him and possibly how
you feel/think about it. Basically what
you told us is .G.R.E.A.T.
It's a scary prospect but stay positive
make it easy for him and you as he is now
meeting an adult not a little girl!
Hope it helps
sooz
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cherry_pie
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 599
Posted: 09-26-04 18:14pm
Thanks girls! i'll start it soon
and then let you all read it when im done
to see what you think.
Once again I appreciate all the feedback
you all have given me.
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 09-27-04 05:25am
Umm partypooper maybe but please think a
few things through before you go ahead.
What can this guy offer you?
What can you offer him? (maybe thats easy
- his grandkids)
why do you feel the need to contact him?
Is something missing in your life?
What if it turns out that he isn't your
dad? What if your mom was elaborating or
if maybe back when she thought you were
his?
Having got past all that, I think a letter
is a great way to proceed. Don't be
offended or worried if you don't get a
reply right away - it could be a really
big shock o him and it may take him weeks
or months to pluck up the courage to
write/phone back.
If after say 10-12 wweks you have no
reponse, send one more letter, saying that
you would honestly like to get in touch -
gives him that second chance, that "maybe
she really does want to know me"
but don't hound him and force the
contact.
I really hope this goes well for you and
that everything turns out great.
I know the pain parents can cause, my mom
and dad split when I was 18months old,
both tried to get the other to have me (no
it wasn't fighting over who got me - they
both didin't want me!)
my nan took me and my dad in (my mom was
17, my dad 27!!!)
i didn't get to really see my mom then
until I was 7 - apparently she did come
over but I had been told she was a bad
lady and I ran away from her??? I hardly
saw her until I was about 17 and got my
first horse - we spent quite a lot of time
together. It all ended in tears.
Now we speak occasionally. Every so often
I let her into my life, we have a few
great weeks, then she lets me down
again.
Last time, she wanted to be there for me
and the baby, to be my birth partner, etc.
Then I didn't hear from her for 10weeks.
This time I am more withdrawn, I don't
want anymore hurt, I am going to try and
keep her at arms length, I don't think I
want her close enough to hurt me again.
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KissyBai912
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 1762 Location: Venice, Florida
Posted: 09-27-04 09:13am
Hey hun. I know how you feel. And I
think it was a good decision not to call
him. I found out when I was 11 that my
step dad wasnt my real father like I had
been told all my life. So after about 3
1/2 years of thinking about it I decided
to look him up and call him. This was
while I was living in kentucky, maybe a
week before I got pregnant. He still
lived in the same house as he had 15 years
before, which is creepy, because I lived 2
blocks away from there for almost 2 years.
I used to ride my bike by there all the
time when I was little. Never knowing
that the guy inside was my father. So I
called him, and asked the womam who
answered for eddie. I asked him if he
remembered a woman by my mothers name, and
he said no. I asked him if he had ever
been to the place where they met, and he
said no. Now he may genuinely notn
remember, or he might be lying. Or it
could be his son, my half-brother, eddie
jr. And it might be possible that my mom
was lying or doesnt even know who my
father is. It really upset me. I wanted
to scream and call him a liar and bawly my
eyes out and ask him why he didn't love me
or want to take care of me. Sometimes I
wish I had the guts to call him up and
tell him he is a grandpa. I might not get
a thing out of it, except the assurance
that I tried, I let him know he had a
daughter and a grandson, and that the
option of being a part of the family had
been given to him. I think that if you
really want to, a letter would be a smart
choice. I hope you get the outcome you
want, and that he doesnt let you down.
But its not like im trying to replace him
or anything. Anyways, thanks for the
response.
