my name is joann, and I am 37 years old. Because I was emotionally and sexually abused, exposed to pornography, and encouraged to develop homosexual feelings and desires for other women while growing up (see "depression due to emotional & sexual abuse"), I have had homosexual crushes on many women. My current homosexual crush is a woman named nancy, who is eight years older than I am. My crush on her started about two years ago this month, shortly after we became friends. All of the women that I have had crushes on, including nancy, have caused me to desire having an enlarged clitoris, and now I wish I could have been born with an intersexual condition so that I could have an enlarged, very penis-like clitoris with intact foreskin, fused labia, and a urinary opening on its tip. I picture myself never growing any pubic hair or having any other male or female external genitalia, either, not even a vaginal opening. I also picture myself still having ovaries inside my body, but no egg cells or any other male or female internal reproductive organs. I wish I could have been born with superior 20/15 eye vision and a cute "outie" belly button, too. Anyway, when I fantasize being born that way, I am either having sexual relations with nancy or being massaged or examined by her in the private area. Sometimes she just sees me naked, but nothing happens. All she does is look, then smiles flirtatiously at me and looks away while I stand there looking very embarrassed. In each and every imaginary situation, my penis-like clitoris is hard and fully erect, but nancy never freaks out at it (and despite her christian beliefs, I don't think she'd freak out in real life, either; she seems extremely open and relaxed about things like that). So, regarding the above information, am I a so-called "mental intersexual," or am I simply just craving some sort of attention from nancy that she seems unwilling to give? I receive plenty of attention from her, and she and I are very good friends, too. In fact, I feel close enough to her to trust her with anything, including my body (if she was willing) and my life. I don't know if nancy would be willing to trust me the same way, though, because of my crush on her. Could her limits be disappointing me to the point where I actually want her to cross her own boundaries just to satisfy my lust for her? Your response will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!