Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
Depression, Lack of Motivation Posted: 09-22-04 15:02pm
I'm a complete mess. I'm a 19 year old
male, and i'm going nowhere. I haven't
finished school, haven't had a job, don't
have my license, and my experience with
the fairer sex is almost 0. I have no
social disorders that I am aware of. I am
actually rather adept at socializing when
I need/want to be. However, I have no
motivation to do anything. I don't want
to take any steps into adulthood, and I
have no idea why. I know getting a job,
and my license etc, would be a good thing,
but I just have zero drive to do it. I
think on some level, I am probably afraid
to. The only thing that motivates me in
the slightest is..Well..Girls. I can talk
to girls and everything just fine, but as
far as a relationship goes, I would have
no idea what I am doing. Plus, i'm way
too picky, so, its a rarity that I ever
meet someone i'm interested in.
Anyways, the problem has been getting
worse. Normally, to avoid growing up,
i've kept myself in a gamer shell,
indulging in mmo's and such, and
developing an addiction (i believe). Now,
I have no enthusiasm for gaming, or much
of anything else. Everything that
interests me is kind of "blah" now. I
assume this is because i'm going through a
depression of sorts. This assumption is
fortified by the fact that I have been
having reoccuring thoughts of suicide.
It'd be the "grand escape", another way
out that I could take, a release...-sigh-
thats another problem right there, im
constantly stuck in this "woe is me"
phase, always seeking someone elses
guidance or support. All I want, damnitt,
is to fix my self esteem, and meet a girl.
However, if I continue on this boo-hoo
fest, I don't see that happening.
..I apologize for rambling, and I am sure
I didn't express myself as well as I
wanted to. Thanks for your time.
Edit: rewritten because of an identical
title.
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Ponder
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
i have a quick question off subject.. How
do you start these messages.. Do you post
it under private messages or what?
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Kelli_
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 46 Location: America
Hello Ponder Posted: 09-30-04 09:31am
How about a post on the topic.
Most of the time we want to correct everything all at once.
By expecting ourselves to do something of
that magnitude we set ourself up for a
fall.
Take the heat off yourself and don't worry
about everything right now...
It will all get taken care of in its own
time.
I'm curious as to why you think you don't
want to grow up?
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Ponder
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
Posted: 09-30-04 15:10pm
I'm struggling with this post here. I
have a few suspicions, but no solid
feelings one way or the other.
First off, I think I suffer from dysthymia
or something. I sort of feel like "we are
all going to die in 50 years, be forgotten
soon after, so whats the point in worrying
about this crap?" yet, I see all of these
adults scrambling around, trying to
convince themselves that their life will
actually mean something in the bigger
picture, and somehow, the key to that is
keeping the job that they hate. It just
seems really frivilous (spelling?)
"and somehow, the key to that is keeping
the job that they hate." that brings up
point number two. It's rare that you see
someone who enjoys their job, and even
when they do, it's still a chore. Every
day, people wake up, go to work, come home
and complain about work, sleep, rinse and
repeat. Everyone always goes on about how
they hate work, and yet its so god-awful
important for me to find a job? You might
say "well, thats life." and to which I
reply "not one I want to be a part of."
being a drone of society isn't on my to do
list.
Yes, I realize that my views are rather
extreme, and somewhat irrational. That is
why I suspect that there are other
problems on top of these. I know that
getting a job/license/diploma will lead to
better things (who in the world hasn't
told me this yet?) but I still cannot
bring myself to care.
I'm rather loathe to admit that my entire
problem could be fear, since I don't
really have any anxiety when confronted
with these issues, just indifference and
apathy.
Thanking you again,
~chris
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Kelli_
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 46 Location: America
Ponder Posted: 09-30-04 15:42pm
You have an amazing knack of (over)thinking yourself
right out of your goals, wants, desires.
You see the need to accomplish goals, i.E.
Diploma, license, job, etc.
But you then talk yourself right out of
achieving them.
The more we do accomplish, the more is
expected of us.
Which is why I like to lay low and make as
few waves as possible.
I've never understood the mentality of a
workaholic.
Work is a means to an end for me.
I work so I can pay my living expenses and
therefore live my life.
If I were independently wealthy i'd never
work another day in my life.
And if I were to win the lotto I wouldn't
worry about it spoiling, i'd hope it
would! For the exact reasons you
cited.
We humans tend to become slaves to our
conveniences.
We work to have the new washer/dryer,
dishwasher, home, auto...
I'd much prefer the owning enough to make
me happy and no more.
I'm not into acquiring crap just so I can
tell the neighbors what I have.
That's not living, that's competing.
And chances are, you are smarter than the
average person. Do you know what your
i.Q. Is?
I look forward to your next letter.
Kelli
it is possible you may have an imbalance
of chemicals in your body. It wouldn't
hurt you to get some chemlab blood work
done just to find out for you own
information if nothing else.
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Ponder
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
Posted: 10-01-04 20:25pm
I don't know what my i.Q. Is, but I am
fairly confident that I fall under the
category of genius, even though my grades
wouldn't show it. As for goals and
whatnot, I have been kind of working on
the license (i almost took out a fence the
other night, it was awesome.) but aside
from that, the motivation thing is still,
well, not there. I hope the problem is a
chemical imbalance rather than some other,
psycological problem, because then it'd be
alot easier to fix.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Bigman16 & Ponder Posted: 10-01-04 23:43pm
I am no Dr., but it sounds like to me that
you both need some professional help, and
there is nothing wrong with this, as we
all need a little help sometime in our
lives. I do know one thing from
experience, and that is you need to like
yourself before others will like you. I
do agree with the above post, it does
sound like you might have a chemical
mbalance and their are a lot of meds
nowadays that can help with this
situation, so all I can suggest is to get
some professional help!
Sincerely,
sandy
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Ponder
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
Posted: 10-08-04 00:03am
Eh, I do see a councilor. It helps,
definately, but so does venting about it,
which is what I was doing here.
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Kelli_
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 46 Location: America
Ponder Posted: 10-08-04 01:29am
Venting & sharing is a good thing.
Don't let anyone rain on you... Unless
you just like the way it feels on your
skin.
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Ponder
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Spokane Washington
Posted: 10-08-04 02:58am
:d
anyways, small update. I've been looking
for a job, and i'm doing highschool
courses online. I'm still not completely
motivated, but there is a certain girl
that helps move things along when I think
about her
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Kelli_
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 46 Location: America
Posted: 10-08-04 15:42pm
I'm glad to hear it ponder.
Hormones are a good thing. still it may not
be a bad idea to get yourself a doctor
visit.
Contrary to what you probably believe
about yourself you seem to be above
average intelligence.
I'd be interested in hearing updates every
now and then.
Kelli
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lyricbaritone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2004 Posts: 31 Location: Minnesota
Posted: 10-13-04 22:56pm
Ponder, you're obviously highly
intelligent -- I can tell by the way you
write. And that's not always a good
thing. When there are so many options
open to you, it's hard to narrow yourself
down into one particular area, because it
feels like you're neglecting so many
others.
I'm glad to hear you're getting your
coursework done. Sometimes, there are
just hurdles we have to jump in order to
get on with our lives. And I think this
is one of them, because I definitely think
you should look into college. Not so
that you can get a job, but so that you
can feed that wonderful brain of yours,
and surround yourself with people more
like yourself, and find your inspiration.
If you find the right one, college can be
the best time of your youth. And, did I
mention counseling at most universities
and colleges is free?
Marilyn vos savant once wrote, "it seems
that the biggest brains have the greatest
capacity for self-loathing." this forum
is great, but find someone you trust to
talk to -- a counselor, therapist,
pastor/priest/rabbi, friend, etc. That
way, you can really talk out these things,
and start finding that purpose in life
that you're looking for. And I agree
with kelli -- there's absolutely no reason
not to see a doc when this is totally
treatable. Sure, treatment requires
change, but look at the bigger picture and
how much happier you'll be.
I can just relate so much to what you're
going through. I've always been
hyper-driven, that was my way of coping
with the same set of issues. So know
that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
paul
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loujamy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2004 Posts: 1 Location: ontario
Posted: 11-15-04 00:42am
I definitley think that cognitive
behavior would do wonders for you. Larry
