I'm a complete mess. I'm a 19 year old male, and i'm going nowhere. I haven't finished school, haven't had a job, don't have my license, and my experience with the fairer sex is almost 0. I have no social disorders that I am aware of. I am actually rather adept at socializing when I need/want to be. However, I have no motivation to do anything. I don't want to take any steps into adulthood, and I have no idea why. I know getting a job, and my license etc, would be a good thing, but I just have zero drive to do it. I think on some level, I am probably afraid to. The only thing that motivates me in the slightest is..Well..Girls. I can talk to girls and everything just fine, but as far as a relationship goes, I would have no idea what I am doing. Plus, i'm way too picky, so, its a rarity that I ever meet someone i'm interested in.
Anyways, the problem has been getting worse. Normally, to avoid growing up, i've kept myself in a gamer shell, indulging in mmo's and such, and developing an addiction (i believe). Now, I have no enthusiasm for gaming, or much of anything else. Everything that interests me is kind of "blah" now. I assume this is because i'm going through a depression of sorts. This assumption is fortified by the fact that I have been having reoccuring thoughts of suicide. It'd be the "grand escape", another way out that I could take, a release...-sigh- thats another problem right there, im constantly stuck in this "woe is me" phase, always seeking someone elses guidance or support. All I want, damnitt, is to fix my self esteem, and meet a girl. However, if I continue on this boo-hoo fest, I don't see that happening.
..I apologize for rambling, and I am sure I didn't express myself as well as I wanted to. Thanks for your time.
I'm struggling with this post here. I have a few suspicions, but no solid feelings one way or the other.
First off, I think I suffer from dysthymia or something. I sort of feel like "we are all going to die in 50 years, be forgotten soon after, so whats the point in worrying about this crap?" yet, I see all of these adults scrambling around, trying to convince themselves that their life will actually mean something in the bigger picture, and somehow, the key to that is keeping the job that they hate. It just seems really frivilous (spelling?)
"and somehow, the key to that is keeping the job that they hate." that brings up point number two. It's rare that you see someone who enjoys their job, and even when they do, it's still a chore. Every day, people wake up, go to work, come home and complain about work, sleep, rinse and repeat. Everyone always goes on about how they hate work, and yet its so god-awful important for me to find a job? You might say "well, thats life." and to which I reply "not one I want to be a part of." being a drone of society isn't on my to do list.
Yes, I realize that my views are rather extreme, and somewhat irrational. That is why I suspect that there are other problems on top of these. I know that getting a job/license/diploma will lead to better things (who in the world hasn't told me this yet?) but I still cannot bring myself to care.
I'm rather loathe to admit that my entire problem could be fear, since I don't really have any anxiety when confronted with these issues, just indifference and apathy.
You have an amazing knack of (over)thinking yourself right out of your goals, wants, desires.
You see the need to accomplish goals, i.E. Diploma, license, job, etc.
But you then talk yourself right out of achieving them.
The more we do accomplish, the more is expected of us.
Which is why I like to lay low and make as few waves as possible.
I've never understood the mentality of a workaholic.
Work is a means to an end for me.
I work so I can pay my living expenses and therefore live my life.
If I were independently wealthy i'd never work another day in my life.
And if I were to win the lotto I wouldn't worry about it spoiling, i'd hope it would! For the exact reasons you cited.
We humans tend to become slaves to our conveniences.
We work to have the new washer/dryer, dishwasher, home, auto...
I'd much prefer the owning enough to make me happy and no more.
I'm not into acquiring crap just so I can tell the neighbors what I have.
That's not living, that's competing.
And chances are, you are smarter than the average person. Do you know what your i.Q. Is?
I look forward to your next letter.
it is possible you may have an imbalance of chemicals in your body. It wouldn't hurt you to get some chemlab blood work done just to find out for you own information if nothing else.
I don't know what my i.Q. Is, but I am fairly confident that I fall under the category of genius, even though my grades wouldn't show it. As for goals and whatnot, I have been kind of working on the license (i almost took out a fence the other night, it was awesome.) but aside from that, the motivation thing is still, well, not there. I hope the problem is a chemical imbalance rather than some other, psycological problem, because then it'd be alot easier to fix.
I am no Dr., but it sounds like to me that you both need some professional help, and there is nothing wrong with this, as we all need a little help sometime in our lives. I do know one thing from experience, and that is you need to like yourself before others will like you. I do agree with the above post, it does sound like you might have a chemical mbalance and their are a lot of meds nowadays that can help with this situation, so all I can suggest is to get some professional help!
anyways, small update. I've been looking for a job, and i'm doing highschool courses online. I'm still not completely motivated, but there is a certain girl that helps move things along when I think about her
Ponder, you're obviously highly intelligent -- I can tell by the way you write. And that's not always a good thing. When there are so many options open to you, it's hard to narrow yourself down into one particular area, because it feels like you're neglecting so many others.
I'm glad to hear you're getting your coursework done. Sometimes, there are just hurdles we have to jump in order to get on with our lives. And I think this is one of them, because I definitely think you should look into college. Not so that you can get a job, but so that you can feed that wonderful brain of yours, and surround yourself with people more like yourself, and find your inspiration. If you find the right one, college can be the best time of your youth. And, did I mention counseling at most universities and colleges is free?
Marilyn vos savant once wrote, "it seems that the biggest brains have the greatest capacity for self-loathing." this forum is great, but find someone you trust to talk to -- a counselor, therapist, pastor/priest/rabbi, friend, etc. That way, you can really talk out these things, and start finding that purpose in life that you're looking for. And I agree with kelli -- there's absolutely no reason not to see a doc when this is totally treatable. Sure, treatment requires change, but look at the bigger picture and how much happier you'll be.
I can just relate so much to what you're going through. I've always been hyper-driven, that was my way of coping with the same set of issues. So know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
0k . I'm 18 , my parents are into a separation , my brother doesn't really talk to me, I don't have a job since October 08, which would be .. 4 months , I have such a bad lack of motivation , I'm so tired, and I have so many things in my mind that stresses and gives me tension that I had to leave school for a while, until I get better, I am in a relation ship , going amazingly well , but stuggle in my sex life, (I get bored from it,) I always want to be in my bubble, be alone, I'm always sad , I always cry for everything , most of the time for nothing, I'm going nowhere ! I have goals yes , like getting my license, find myself a job, finish my studies, etc.. However, I have no motivation to do anything ! I don't go outside , take a walk , get out of my house , I just don't ! Plus , my parents who our struggling into some finances problems , etc .. That doesn't neceseraly touch me , but it scares me and stresses me to know their not fine ! etcc ..
anywayy .. if anyone could help me , would be nice, thanks for your time
Ponder: I'm glad to see that you have started doing something. I know all too well how "impossible" it can be to start anything. I think the key might be finding any small reason to go on with it -like your girl , and then try to find more tings on the way, then perhaps you find some motivation after a while.
Galipette 90: Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? Or your friends? - You really should find someone to talk to. If that doesn't help you should concider talking to a therapist, or at least a school cousler or something (I'm not sure how that stuff works over there).
It's very easy to just coop up at home and stay away from people, but that more often than not makes it worse. Of course you need time on your own, but I know from experience that isolation isn't good for you. - Try to get out, take a walk, and find someone you can talk freely to. It might help.
I have a similar situation. Doctor says it's ADD. I was put on a pill that boosted my serotonin levels and concentration freshman year of high school which did help, but I would often forget to take the damn pills and haven't really taken them since that year. Not a big fan of drugs to fix my problems. I am about to graduate now and I am in a very deep hole at school. I make plans, but have no motivation whatsoever to go through with them. I dropped my hobbies, my goals, dumped my supportive boyfriend, and homework is a rare and difficult thing to concentrate on. I can sit for hours with a book open without accomplishing anything. There's just...nothing there. I really like learning, and believe myself to be pretty intelligent, but that just makes me feel more ashamed of my situation. I shouldn't be in it!
I think I know how to fix it though...if I can muster up the will, I'm going to run a little while every day and do some research on foods that can help. I've read many articles on the subject of diet and exercise that can level out chemical imbalances. I'm already quite a health nut (a real one, not ones that drink diet coke and sweeten with splenda and call themselves healthy eaters) but I still believe I could improve myself by making a few tweaks...
I'm rambling forgive me. Anyways, I just wanted to share that with you and say that my story is somewhat similar. Thanks everyone =)
I am there myself MissBubble its just so hard, i force myself to get a book but taking in whats written down is something else, i apply for jobs but am getting no where with them, i can't drive as im an epileptic, i have no passion for what i did as a career and am looking for something more exciting than web development.
If im thinking of changing career and I keep this depression then i won't get anywhere within it but by telling myself that it doesn't help, i got no idea what to do i hate it. I get freelance work but don't want to do it, there is no motivation there at all !!!!
Ponder, I can''t believe how much alike I am to you. EVERYTHING you have said is crystal clear to me, as if I wrote it myself. Simply everything you have said I just couldn''t of put it better myself, nor can I possibly relate more.
(Even the parts about playing games/MMOs, socializing and how irritating society can be to observe, especially when it comes to drone-like; working lifestyles).
You wrote this is 2004, I''m 19 right now in 2010, all I can say is that I really hope you''ve managed to get along since then.
Thanks for sharing your situtation, and all the best to you.