I am trying to deal with a broken heart. I am sure you have heard this before, but here goes: I was living with a woman who I am sure is my soul mate (or was sure). I realize now I didn’t take the time to really listen to her when she needed me most. My ego was bruised and I only heard parts of her message. She recently went on birth control and she said her feelings were changing, that she didn’t feel anything. I, like a friend, assumed that she was referring to her feeling for me and our relationship. But, as I have since learned, she wasn’t—bc will negatively alter your hormones. I left for a few days thinking that if we had some space that things would just blow over. To her it signaled that I wanted out of the relationship (and I didn’t at all). I was scared and really didn’t stop to talk with her about my feelings for fear of being judged (i know that sounds stupid). I shut down and she felt abandoned. I understand all that now as well.

Needless to say, we were perfect together. I had finally found the woman and the relationship I had dreamed about. She was my best friend and lover. And why I shut down and stopped talking, i’ll never know, unless I go to counseling. When I shut down, so did she, and she doesn’t want to give it a second try because she has a daughter involved as well. We were living together and were talking marriage. She ended any chance of reconciliation today and I am devastated. She is dealing with my shut down in the same manner as most women would deal with a cheater: if you do it once, you'll do it again.

I haven’t loved like this in over 15 years, and can’t imagine finding such unconditional love ever again at my age (41 years old). This was the relationship of my dreams. Now I have to deal with the fact that I she doesn’t want to risk having me shut down and walk out again. It was my fault and I am punishing myself, I know, because I let a great woman get away. It also seems as though life is playing a cruel trick on me: giving me the love I have been searching for and then take it away. What advise do you have for dealing with this type of break-up? How do I recover from this? Thank you in advance,
dealing with the hurt,
loveless in florida