So Tired of Living

!!!

Mike, all I can tell you is that it will be okay, just relax a little. You know, when I was your age (i'm now 24) I had a very similar situation - having a hard time finding someone else to relate to. I was even in the midst of a long term serious relationship at the time, and found I couldn't even relate to my boyfriend (wow, a big clue then - not the right guy). Anyway, even when I thought I met someone to talk to etc... I would just find us to be on a totally different page, usually I found them kinda'... Well... Shallow. When I went to school at ut, I felt very alone. Too old for everyone else. I recall often looking at others and being upset, b/c i'd see all these people, but all they had to offer was there exterior. Like everyone had these glazed look in their eyes, and nothing could be found beneath those eyes. No deep thoughts or feelings, no self analyzation, little thought for others.
I had always felt out of place with others my age (or give or take a few years). I still feel that way sometimes. Though now I feel i've relaxed, which makes others relax. So when I hang out with people now, they know how I am... I'm the 'old soul' in the group. And that's kinda' cool...
So yeah... I've learned to ease up on people a bit... Accept them for who they are. I believe, without realizing it, I was setting my standards to an almost unattainable status for others to have to live up to, so that I could be with someone 'more on my level'...But after I lowered the bar a little, I found I relaxed around others a bit more, they sensed that... And would relax around me. Then they would open up a bit more, and turns out though to most they act immature, party a lot, seem shallow, etc... They do have more to them. Sometimes it takes a person like yourself, a more mature individual, to bring there maturity out. So think of it like this: you have the power to bring out another persons potential.
But if you put up such an unbreakable wall (i think you might) , they will too. It's hard to explain... I know it's hard what you're going through... It was so hard for me too. But I made it and you will too. Just hang in there. Try to relax around others. Good friends really are few and far between... But you will find them, and it will be when and where you least expect it. I too suffered greatly from social anxiety and still do from time to time. I don't believe forcing yourself to go to parties and stuff will really do the trick, I think finding atleast one other friend to hang out with, and then maybe going to a party (make it a small get together) with that person might make things a bit easier. You don't have to be a great talker or anything with a lot of other people, just do a bit more observing. And try to let your shield down a bit, and I bet you'll find some friendly people that will approach you on a more personal note at a party or whatever, and that should lead to a few good conversations.... You will be okay. And try not to worry so much over a girlfriend...You will have one. I know things can get lonely, and we all yearn to have that other person to share things with. But it is better to wait for the right one then just take someone to attempt to ease the loneliness, etc... B/c if you just take someone, anyone whom you don't really connect with, you will feel even more alone with that person than just yourself. Trust me on this. And dear, just what makes you so sure that you won't have a girlfriend? I'm pretty sure you will... We (girls) like smart guys, we do... Well most of us anyway. But we don't like guys that put up unpenatratable walls, or whom are so bitter that we can't seem to reach the sweetness in them... Keep your head up. Now tell me, what kind of things do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Reading, swimming, internet,etc...??? What things interest you??? If you don't mind answering of course... those things can help too. For example, if you love to read, a good place to find others like you would be at a library, or barnes and noble, etc... Well, you know these things... Anyway... Hey, smile mike. :d you just got this girl over here in houston, texas to type you quite a lengthy novel over here, even though she's absolutely exhausted and can barely keep her eyes open... :d

My ex boyfriend used to have a horrifying anxiety problem, way worse than mine. Anyway, he said that one thing that helped him (and no,this was not an overnight thing) was that he had to just take a deep breathe before going into a social situation, and then exhale... And just do it. Get into that social situation... And once there... Things would ease up a bit. You've got to find a way to realize, that most people aren't paying that much damn attention anyway. Lol... That's a big thing with social anxiety... Believing others will be observing closely, judging you,etc... When the truth is... Nope, not really... So you can relax.