Questions About Bipolar Men And Relationships (Page 1)

I would guess that he would have to feel pain to make a change. For instance, say you're in school, and you are putting in minimal effort--but you are still getting a's. Would you put in any more effort? Probably not.

But if you were putting in less effort than you could, and you received an f, don't you think you'd probably study more for the next test and put in lots of effort? Worse still--what if you failed out of the class, which would mean that you couldn't graduate, and you would be stuck working a menial labor job, not being able to support yourself, and living below the poverty level for the rest of your life? That would probably inspire you to make a change!

I would recommend taking away his support. Make yourself a scare commodity. Let him fall. I believe the only time he will make the change is if he falls...

My boyfriend is actually very open to listening about treatments and the such, but just the fact that I stand by his side and support him, he feels he can "buy more time" and not get into treatment right away.

I know it would be hard, and maybe even an impossible move for you, but my suggestion would be an ultimatum--one that you stick with. Explain that although you love him, you can't handle the ups and downs of the relationship, and you need to love yourself as well. You don't want to see him hurt himself, and you don't want to continue seeing yourself be hurt as well. Therefore, if he doesn't go and get help, you need to move on. Then stick by this until he gets help...

That's my suggestion. It's not fool proof, but hopefully, it will give you an idea of an option you could take.

Best of luck!

ultimatums do not work on the bi polar...it actually drives them to go crazy. I think that if you really want to halp you need to wait for a day that he is calm and talk to him about it and a tip is get him to make an appointment right away before he has a mood swing and doesn't go.

Best of luck!

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Thanks for your patience!

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Thanks for your patience!

this is so true. i keep telling my boyfriend when he hurts bad enough he'll get help. i just cease n dessist all confrontation n conversation n back slowly out of the room cuz he a rejecting complainer. he gotta find what works 4 him. i just don't enable him bcuz i can't. i have my son 2 take ase of n my sleep 2 get n I'm fighting 4 both.

Ok there is some logic in this persons theory. But unless you can't do this to somone like this. You will make the situation worse! You will end up making him violent angry, demanding and forceful.

I was reading about the woman with a bi polar boyfriend, this sounds so much like my husband...He has highs and lows. His highs are hyper or very generous in nature, mood, romance, work projects & gambling addiction. His lows are laying around watching tv, irritable, barking about the smallest things, bad temper, easy to fight & drinking or hanging out at the bar/restaurants all day-night with a buddy at local hang out. He lies all the time, even about things that don't matter. On the good side he is very generous, good hearted, fun to be around, exciting and funny, everyone likes him. Lately though he has been working less (he owns his own business) not attending to financial responsibilities associated with work & home. Spending more time away gambling or out at the bars without calling or coming home sometimes for days...then when he returns , he is apologetic and sorry and wants to make the marriage work. I feel like a yoyo, I am so frustrated I don't know what to think. My friends all say this always happens and that I allow it. He will not seek help (his mother had bi-polar) and won't go to counseling. He usually puts in a good effort for about a month, lately this has shrunken down to weekly events. He is gone again without reason or calling for the 2nd day, exactly one week before when he said he would quit going to the bars w/friends and begged to come back. I see I am an easy sell, and this is the problem...I need to say don't come back until you get help! It's so hard 'cause I see his good side

Totally relate. I do have a question...Is your husband have a hyper sex drive?

my man has a very hyper sex drive he has bipolar and take meds for this but the meds do not always work. it is still a struggle every day..

preach it, sista!

my boyfriend wants sex all the time even though he knows I'm tired. he doesn't care cuz like he tells me he is a large child n he needs attention all the time. when we have sex, he calls it making love. how is it making love when ur partner has free time, u work 2 jobs n u r tired all the time? yes they r hypersexual.. sex cam take all nite with these fools so unless i am not working the next few years, sex with him is an issue bcuz he wants me to talk during sex, scream, moan, talk dirty, do all kinds of acronyms all all hours of the nite after a hard say of e working 2 jobs n when i say no, he takes it as a rejection, not acknowledging the fact i just stayed awake 4 19 hours n can barely respond, much less engage in a marathon of sex. then afterwards he complains that i wasn't into it m says it's bcuz he doesn't turn me on. At 1:00 am in the morning after working all day n having 2 get up 4 work the next day, he absolutely doesn't turn e on. I'm so glad he lives 2 far away from me 2 try 2 walk 3 my house 2 work things out 4 another 9 hours like he used. 2.

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Thanks for your patience!

I can't believe what I am reading, it sounds like I wrote this, this sounds like my husband and I to the tee. My daughter is here and asked me "are you sure that wasn;t you that wrote this"wow

My husband sounds exactly like yours...he doesn't take off for days anymore but i think that its because i have left him so many times. I also thought that my husband had a heart of GOLD!!!! The problem is that they usally have hearts of gold for everyone else but their family. (Well thats how my husband is).As far as the going to bars...thats really really bad. When my husband drinks he usally starts big fights with me and if this isn't happening with you yet..i probably will soon. You have to have him get meication. My husband is taking a medication that makes him not want to drink so that may be something that you should mention do a doc when and if he goes.
I have that everything goes well for you!

I have been with my guy for two years. HE TOO has a heart of gold with EVERYONE but those closest to him..me, his parents and his brother. I ask him why he is so kind to outsiders and the opposite to me and he says that its because he isnt dating those outsiders, that he isnt involved with them. He hasnt been diagnosed with bi polar but the more I read the more I relate to being the S/O of a bi polar. His brother has a mental disorder or depression of some kind so its in his family. His family are all on eggshells around him and they believe he has a mental disorder but everyone is afraid to speak up to him about it. He isnt physically violent but his words are like knives through my heart. He can be the most wonderful guy; so generous, kind, giving, sweet....but in a moment can turn to cold, curt, hateful, mean, putting me down, treating me like he is above me. He breaks up with me on a monthly basis it seems and when this happens my heart is crushed...he says its because I dont listen or do what he tells me to do or because I dont take care of things like get his dogs shots or hair trimmed (they were in my care for a few months)....then he will always text me that he misses me after 4 or 5 days. He doesnt drink very often and never does street drugs but he has ambiens and cialis that he gets from one of his buddies. I never see him take the cialis except when we are playing around together and have seen him take the ambiens once in awhile but we are not always together...he doesnt seem to be promiscuous but is into out of the norm sex. He is like night and day in the way he is with those closest to him and to everyone else. It has my head spinning sometimes because I dont know if its just that he isnt into me or if its a mental condition like bi polar disorder....I love him dearly and hurts so bad when we are apart...

i was seeing a guy on and off for the past 7 years and the description is just like you have stated. he explodes on me, his family, his close friends. when we would be out in a bar or restaurant he would be all pleasant and flirtatious with everyone and then horrid to me. He recently screamed into my face in a bar, reducing me to tears and then mocking me loudly for crying. Telling me he has no love for me, that he would piss all over me. I just stood there as a reaction was what he wanted, for me to scream back and I also was scared of what he might do to me.He hasn't slept for weeks and is ready for hospital but won't go. I have distanced myself for good this time. I love him and am heartbroken but he loves himself more and will just find another woman to repeat the behaviours on.He is a spoilt, self centred man who only sees himself and his needs. His mother has given him everything he wants all his life which doesn't help matters.

I could say im in this same boat. With a man for almost two yrs now and hes broke it off a number of times but he always says he cant imagine his life without me and my kids. Love him to pieces and he is one of my favorite people to be with and around when he feels good. Just can't convince him he needs to get help.

I hope you really have distanced yourself from him. The verbal abuse will only get worse the longer he is with you. If he's from a violent childhood, physical violence will follow. He will criticize every detail about you/your body, even if you are an attractive woman, and reduce you to nothing. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. For your own sanity, I hope you have been strong enough to end this.

I think we are in so much shock when they turn on us over nothing (like me standing on the wrong side of the door when he opens it for me) his words not mine. My guy is so inflexible I don't know how he doesn't shatter. he must be exhausted from being that rigid.
I'm watching my guy fall apart from not sleeping. he has no appetite either and he is diabetic as well. Thankfully he'll see his physchiatrist on Friday.The one who increased his abilify even though all three of us agreed not to.do this......So frustrating.

Omg! R we married to the same man?!! I often feel it is my weakness that holds me in my marriage, but, as Dave Matthews so eloquently sings, it is " the space between" that we live for. I see his good side.

Omg! R we married to the same man?!! I often feel it is my weakness that holds me in my marriage, but, as Dave Matthews so eloquently sings, it is " the space between" that we live for. I see his good side.

same situation with me and my boyfriend. i called off our wedding last august due to gambling. we broke up and have seen each other off and on. he makes SAYS things using words to make me feel better and saying that he will get treatment, but then never did. he finally is going to counseling and now that he is i am scared to death and dont want to let my guard down because i simply dont trust him. his finances are always a mess and i feel like i have to help him all the time. i love him, but after 4 years i feel like we are on a roller coaster of love. when things are good, they are good. but when they are bad, they are BAD! i know in his heart he wants to get help and be a better man. what is the best thing to do? keep my distance? or go to support group with him? I dont know what to do??

my husband of 7 yrs is untreated bipolar because he refuses to take meds that make him into a zombie. things finally fell apart last year and we separated. he did not turn to dr. for help he started drinking and dating one of my supposed friends. it was so painful and when we did talk i could see how miserable he was but he was too proud to come back and work on this even though we love each other very deeply. This February I basically started dating my exhusband because we do genuinely have a great time together and a great connection with so much joy and love. however, monthly he has been pushing me away for a few days saying that he wants to be single then a few days without me he is back again this last weekend i had all i could take of being pushed away, it was due to happen this month so i got real angry and made a scene, shouldnt have done that but the next day, sunday; he tells me we need to take a break because we're getting too dependent on each other and that I am his one and only he loves me so much but doesnt want to argue about his ups and downs by monday he said he didnt want to be involved with me intimately because it scares him he doesnt want to get hurt like last year when i told him we needed to live in separate places and get healthy. So I ask him about it and he says that he's been thinking about this for awhile, but I do know him and 10 hours of over analyzing is awhile to him the exaggerations minimize me thinking about his fear of being hurt and end up hurting me through rejection. By tuesday he just wanted to be friends Wednesday he invited me over for dinner and a movie and wanted me to stay the night. He is so confused and I cannot figure out how to help him and how to regain stability I know there is no one else and I asked if he was gay , he said it sounds like it doesnt it? but its something in his head. by the way he cannot watch a program about a disease without obsessing over it. He thinks things to death and seems to rearrange them in his mind so he can go extreme in his actions. I dont know what to do. I love him so much but this once a month rejection abandonment is too painful I dont know how to talk to him about geting help. His mother had him commited as a teen and he was overmedicated so he is fearful of the whole idea of even admitting he needs help.. then he gets manic and works out for 3 days and is super busy thinking he feels better than he ever has. I could go on but I think this is more than enough.

If anyone can relate or offer any helpful advice I would greatly appreciate it.

I can relate to what you're going through. I went through very similar circumstances towards the end of my relationship. I'd ask her to marry me...she'd accept then dump me....that happened on multiple occasions....I'm the type that will put my heart and soul into a relationship.....and truly believed all issues could be worked out.....until I met her. I ended it by completely cutting her out of my life. It still pains me to do such an act to someone I love however the relationship was bringing me down to my knees mentally....I felt I had no choice. God be with you and I pray you are able to repair your relationship and move forward.

Chris

It sounds a lot like my situation. I knew my ex-fiancee since high school and we dated in our mid-20s. We only said "hi" to each other in HS.

3 years ago, he found me on facebook, and I was going through a divorce. He wanted to meet me and when I did, he told me he loved me for 17 years. I told him the same. Needless to say, he wanted my son and I to move in with him, and he was leaving his wife. He told me a few months ago that he was a sex addict. I knew something was wrong with him from the beginning and begged him to tell me. I did research on sex addicts, but I always felt it was a part of a bigger picture. After reading these posts, I have come to the decision that he is bi-polar. I am also a survivor of domestic violence, and he knows that. Memorial day weekend, he tried to put me through a wall. When I told him he had to leave, he told the landlord that we both were moving. I didn't have a job and had to find an apt. for me and my son by July 1. After mulling over my relationship with him for the past 3 years, everything became clear. He's not only a sex addict, but he is hypersexual, which is a by-product of being bipolar. We love each other deeply, and he does have a kind heart. The healthy part of him has been swallowed up by the unhealthy part of him. He won't take medication. He only admits to being a sex-addict. He has visitation with his daughter (that I encouraged him to fight for), but when he tried to put me through a wall, his daughter saw everything. I asked him not to bring her into an unhealthy environment. He paid me no mind. I wrote a letter to his ex-wife asking her not to send her daughter to our house because it wasn't an unsafe environment. Not to mention, I do not believe that an 11 year old should be sleeping in the bed with her father. Her mother didn't listen to me. I feel bad for the little girl because she loves her father. I noticed that he is always the "victim" and never accepts responsibility for his actions. My son an I are now in a safe place, and as much as I love him, and I know he loves me, I have had to remove myself from his life. He was sexually abused as a child by his mother and I believe that is to blame. He cannot get closure from that because his mother is deceased. I hope my story answers some questions for everyone.

How Do I Get Over My Bipolar Ex Boyfriend ??
This was my last letter to him from jail:

Why didn't you just stick a knife into my heart when you had the chance, it would have saved me alot of pain and agony....!
I cannot love a man who has treated me the way you have, if I did then I would not be loving myself or God...
Right from the start you hurt, lied and cheated on me, I thought we loved each other and had a 'special connection',
but I was wrong...It was like I was your homebody, there for you while you went out to 'play'...and when things went
badly for you, you'd come back home to me for nurturing and to grow strong again and then go back out and do your
evil all over again,..and again ...and again ..I am breaking this chain....!
You said I was your "rock", but God should have been your rock, I insulted "Him" for taking "His" power away, you
should have depended on "Him"only... not me. I have prayed and prayed while you were in jail for you to find "Him" and to
open your heart for "Him" to come inside, also at the same time, I promised God that I would not be in your life anymore so
you would depend on only "Him"....I am keeping that promise....!
I would also like to add, I heard Michelle Johnston tell Chandra in the kitchen that "I was evil"....I do not know these
women, and they do not know me except thru you ! and this was all done by you and your correspondance with Michelle
while you were in jail....you are a troublemaker, a liar and a gossip, but now I am out of your life, so this should end....she
came very close to being arrested for stalking me, there is a stalking law in effect, she has been warned, the police have her
name along with my domestic violence counselor, so be advised......also, I am advising you not to approach or contact me....
I will mail your musical instruments....I want nothing of yours in my possession...
I am leaving on the 22nd, you will not hear from me again....I wish you good luck and am happy you found Jesus, I hope
when you leave jail that you do / did not leave "Him" there......

Good Bye Cord, Vaya con Dios

'Pip' scared


Since this, he has moved to another town and has 'hookers' on his FB profile...and is again "Walking on the Wild side"..I have deactivated my FB account...I want no temptation to view him.... He get a mental SSI ck on the 30th of each month and it's gone by the 10th of the following month...in 11 days his money is all gone, then he resorts to stealing and selling drugs!, he spends his SSI money it on drugs and prostitutes..!! He lives off other people and is running out of people to use, including me !! My opinion:.. he will be back in jail in no time!!!! LMAO !!

Last Edited by jandressup on 10/07/2011 10:57 AM

How Do I Get Over My Bipolar Ex Boyfriend ??
This was my last letter to him from jail:

Why didn't you just stick a knife into my heart when you had the chance, it would have saved me alot of pain and agony....!
I cannot love a man who has treated me the way you have, if I did then I would not be loving myself or God...
Right from the start you hurt, lied and cheated on me, I thought we loved each other and had a 'special connection',
but I was wrong...It was like I was your homebody, there for you while you went out to 'play'...and when things went
badly for you, you'd come back home to me for nurturing and to grow strong again and then go back out and do your
evil all over again,..and again ...and again ..I am breaking this chain....!
You said I was your "rock", but God should have been your rock, I insulted "Him" for taking "His" power away, you
should have depended on "Him"only... not me. I have prayed and prayed while you were in jail for you to find "Him" and to
open your heart for "Him" to come inside, also at the same time, I promised God that I would not be in your life anymore so
you would depend on only "Him"....I am keeping that promise....!
I would also like to add, I heard Michelle Johnston tell Chandra in the kitchen that "I was evil"....I do not know these
women, and they do not know me except thru you ! and this was all done by you and your correspondance with Michelle
while you were in jail....you are a troublemaker, a liar and a gossip, but now I am out of your life, so this should end....she
came very close to being arrested for stalking me, there is a stalking law in effect, she has been warned, the police have her
name along with my domestic violence counselor, so be advised......also, I am advising you not to approach or contact me....
I will mail your musical instruments....I want nothing of yours in my possession...
I am leaving on the 22nd, you will not hear from me again....I wish you good luck and am happy you found Jesus, I hope
when you leave jail that you do / did not leave "Him" there......

Good Bye Cord, Vaya con Dios

'Pip' scared


Since this, he has moved to another town and has 'hookers' on his FB profile...and is again "Walking on the Wild side"..I have deactivated my FB account...I want no temptation to view him.... He get a mental SSI ck on the 30th of each month and it's gone by the 10th of the following month...in 11 days his money is all gone, then he resorts to stealing and selling drugs!, he spends his SSI money it on drugs and prostitutes..!! He lives off other people and is running out of people to use, including me !! My opinion:.. he will be back in jail in no time!!!! LMAO !!

Last Edited by jandressup on 10/07/2011 10:57 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and it has been anything but normal. I felt there was something about him that seemed quite suspicious but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Always agreeing with everything and laughing as though he was just going along with everything. But soon things changed. After about 5 months into the relationship my daughters husband told me he was a crack addict that had a knack for eyeballing young girls (high schoolers) my relationship with my daughter actually became strained over this. A few months later I found at least part of the accusation to be true. He started staying out all night not answering his cell phone and saying he was hanging out with his friends. Turns out he had one hell of a cocaine/ crack habit. He would lie like a Persian rug. After I confronted him and threate
ned to leave him he stopped using for about 5 months then started all over again, he could never stay clean for more than 5-6 months tops. On again off again. Finally I decided I couldn't do it any longer and I turned my back on him completely.
It hurtled me to do it but he left me no choice. In essence he presents himself to strangers as a real stand-up guy but he really comes off to me as.a mysogynistic individual. Every times he becomes verbally abusive I cut him down to size. He is a manipulative self centered liar who only cares about himself. Completely self serving and does nothing for nothing.
He just volunteered at a shelter to feed the homeless. But that is just to appeal to strangers.
He cares how he looks to others but is verbally abusive to me.

I know how all you women feel! Being with a bipolar man is very hard, and some times more work than it's worth. They do have big hearts, and every one does like them, and they can be the most kind men you will ever know, but some thing changes behind closed doors. Bipolar men are different with their women than with any one else in their lifes! They are verbally abusive, self conceded, almost always have their prioritys all screwed up, and are very money hungry! I've been with my husband for 5 years, and I've always been at the bottom of the lists to care about, until I walk away and then he grovels at my feet. I hate the way he talks to me, as though I'm trash or no better than the dirt he walks on. His quad, boat, and crotch rocket are 10 times more important than his children or me! But if you talk to any one who knows him outside of our marriage he is the most funny, kind, giving, warm hearted person they have ever met. And getting to the highs and lows...... his highs are comparable to a 5 year old on crack....he bounces off the walls, pokes at me like a child, and spends more money than we have. His lows are comparable to an 80 year old man with hemroids the size of earth..... he is never happy, barks at the slightest noise, is never affectionate, and hates to be touched! My husband is amazing in bed, but only has interest in it once or twice a month. And as any other bipolar man he refuses to get help, to see a marriage counselor, or get on meds, because there is "nothing wrong with him"! If our marriage doesn't work our - NOTE TO SELF: DON'T GET WITH A MAN WHO IS BIPOLAR!!!!!! Good luck to you ladys who are in the same situation!

MY husband sounds ,very much like yours,i have been married to him 18 years, i live, also on egg shells ,and so does our daughter .i get fearfull of him,.but iam trusting jesus ,his love gives me hope,when i want to talk about his actions ,he either gets angry yells ,or walks away.he says iam crasy.he was told by a doctor he has bipolar.he went on the med/but said i dont like the way i feel i feel normal.he never told his doctor this ,its been about 10 years ago .he say i never had it ,idont have bipolar ,but one thing is different to you ,is my husband doesnt kiss me touch me or want to get close to me,.this kills me i rather live with my daughter only ,then to have him near me in the house but its like you can not have my love, i feel really old.there is more i could tell you ,but it would take to long.i pray jesus will give you rest in your heart because jesus loves you .knowing jesus loves me ,gives me strength and hope .i tell my daughter this jesus loves her.

My Husband too has not touched me in months, he sleeps On the couch, he reeks away like i got cooties if i tet to touch his arm or hand. He went to Dr a few mths then went off all meds And said he wasnt depressed anymore. Its all started when his manly part stipped working...he is only 47, theres pump or surgical iptiins. He shut out all those ideas And pretty much case closed.Yes i too am trusting God with this. it hurts like crazy its just him n i And we do nothung together anymore. He no longer keeps me in loop...said he didnt love me anymore, just couldnt or want to be in any relatuinship. Hurting with hoy

There seem to be alot of similarities amongst all of you. My friend demonstrated alot of what i'm reading. He is always in a state of mania and when things are good, he is the funniest man you'd ever want to meet. However when he gets in a "mood" steer clear! He will insult you, blow you off and then look at you like you have the problem. He's undiagnosed and our friendship is not as chummy as it used to be. I constantly made excuses for him and covered for him at work to keep him out of trouble. He went through women quicker than he changed razors and only stayed with them 2 weeks. He's NEVER wrong even if you prove it to him. Being his friend was like a second job and i just got tired of being walked on repeatedly. I do think of him and pray he seeks help (he moved out of the country) but i think its going to take a serious incident to open his eyes!

Thanks for sharing your stories!

wow , i have been in a relationship for 6 yrs now which he constantly ends when he feels like it, we love each other but he lives in the cycle of highs and lows, when things are good they are really good, he is loving caring and attentive, but when he is on a low he is verbally abusive,,derogative to a point of no respect at all for me,, or for any woman in fact.In one of his moments he rang my mother and told her that he had caught me in bed with someone,,another lie,, We live in separate homes as we both have children from previous marriages, sometimes this can be a blessing in disguise but i feel that he uses it as a place to run and hide when things get tough for him, He is very obsessive about what is his and will happily tell you that you owe him,,say $5.00 after you have just spent a fortune on him or his, he is obssessive about his home to a point of raking leaves at 6am on a windy autumn day,and mowing his lawn almost daily. He is obsessive to a point of straightening shoes in a row, or checking that all power is off (3 times) or doors are locked repeatedly when leaving his home, his obsessions are one and many.His ex wife committed suicide years ago which he or his children never had therapy for, he is happy to speak daily of the happening and what he did for her and is quite happy to derogativly run her down in public saying how he was god in there home and gave her everything which she apparently was so ungrateful for, he also said she cheated on him ,,,which he has a great obsession with as he accuses me constantly of cheating.we have a 4 yr old son together which he demanded a dna test for, i happily gave it to him because i had nothing to hide, some time ago he took me to family court "just in case " something happened to us, then he would have rights to his son,,i have never stopped him seeing his son. His treatment of me has been applorable and my family and friends just shake there heads in dismay,,and i guess in worry that his episodes will escalate to somthing more sinister,, apart from that he has to have total control of "the" situation, three months ago he ended "us", but this time i kept walking, as my own health had deteriorated to panic attacks and i decided to see a shrink, he didnt agree with this at all and his cure was "work harder, go mow your lawn" so i stayed strong with the help of friends and even though i missed him like the air i breathe, he eventually worked his way back into my life, we had lost a baby in aug,and he professed an undying love for me and dangled the carrot "a new baby" and i fell for it hook line and sinker but my only condition was that we marry instead of just living together. He said yes,,so long as we sell both our homes and move and buy in a new area for a fresh start,,,i saw no problem with this and agreed,,but in realisation,,the only friend i have ,,he hates,,he hates my family,,his family arnt my best friends through his mouth,,,at the moment my sister is staying with me,,she's on holiday from qld,,he hates this , in such a big way,,that our four yr olf son came from his home saying,,,its not working with kathy here,,,i think this means again he doesnt have full control of the situation around him.His latest and probaby last, dismisal of our relationship came a couple of days ago,,,so out of nowwhere,,,we had been ,,after 3 months aprt, working on fixing our relationship,,all was well,,my sister arrived three weeks ago,,,we went on an outing where we drove my car 200kms, he put the fuel in the tank $40, the plan was for him and his son to go fishing and my sister and i to shop till we dropped. After four places having no worms, we drove 30kms out to nowhere and checked out the fishing spot,,he then said ,well it looks as though we are not going to fish today,,,so we headed for the shops. We arrived at the shops at 3,50pm and had 50mins shopping time,,,not much for any woman,,,we then did a tourists thing and drove around the Mt Panarama circuit, bought KFC then headed home after refueling the tank.
It was a very silent trip home and i knew something was wrong,,but he just said he was tired,,,the next day he arrives ranting over how it cost him $40 in petrol and didnt get anything out of it,,he was also happy to take the $40 back even though it was my mortgage money,,it escalated into the usual "what a bad person i am" argument,,i am glad that my sister has been here for three weeks to see his whole cycle,,high to low,,,next day he is demanding his son,,because he has court paperwork that says so,,,i calm him down and we sort out our sons situation,,once again" our son stays at his home that night and comes home with "attitude" towards "aunty kathy" refusing to call her by the title "aunty" and saying ,,its not working with her here,,,the next day is mine,,he drops his son back late knowing that he had an early playgroup date (control), then says he thinks it is best for us to be over and we resort to the courts roster,,,once again , i verbally give it to him,,he has tears in his eyes,,i am sad because he is the most giving person when he is well,,but he thinks that there is no problem.

I am not a doctor, but have read enough to make me suspect he has something wrong up there, he will never ever seek treatment, because "he" is god (in his head) and there is nothing wrong with him,,,i would love some feedback please because even though i love him, im at the end of my road and i know that i say it time and time again that im not going back, i somehow gravitate back into his arms,,im not in a situation that i can move,,,,i love him but cannot deal with his behaviour anymore,,,,

Can someone read my story and please maybe give a name other than "nasty" to what ive been living with for the past 6 yrs.

I can completely relate to what you and the other posters are saying. I have only been in a relationship with a Bipolar man for two years. He of course refuses to acknowledge his condition or seek help. In good times, which only last about a month, there is no better man out there. He is fun, kind, loving and gentle. But when he goes deep into the BP phase, all bets are off. He has called me every name in the book and it hurts to the core. He then blames me for "bringing the worst out in him". Eventually it escalates to him saying things like, "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I'm not sure if I love you" and we break up like we just did this week. He always recants when he comes to his senses but to me enough is enough. It's like walking on eggshells trying to figure out what person he will be each day and I can't take the hurt. When he's like this, I am absolutely last on his list. Nothing is ever about me, it's always about whatever self-created crisis he's having at the moment. I don't even get a "How are you?". It's like I don't exist. I would love a dependable and caring man to share my life with and I'm realizing that I cannot "fix" this man so I need to save my own sanity.
As hard as it is, because I do love him with all of my heart, I am determined to stay strong and not allow myself to get back into the crazy rollercoaster of madness. They say the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". That's what I've been doing and I don't want to be insane anymore! I wish all of you the best of luck and I find comfort knowing that I'm not alone.

I have been with this guy 12 yr and it is the same as all others are saying the hookers, lies, its me, wants me gone one minute and moved back in the next threatens me with going magistrate to move me out of house and he changes like the wind blows up abusive, yells, hits me, spends out of control, calls the cops, he is never wrong its all me, has a sex addict problem, and just goes into rages im considering a restraining order and just going for good I ignored him for 3 months until his brother killed himself, I should have never called and looked back. I guess I figure he is sick but this is no way to live, he will let me work and spend my money and he doesnt work his family owns a business so he gets a check..... It is nasty its embarrassing to have to continuously lie to friends and family so they dont know how I really live. I dont have a car so I am stuck but all that is going to change hopefully soon, I feel as if I am biding my time. I HATE HIM I loved him at one point but I literally cannot stand him he has made my life hell. He is on medication and sees a psychologist but I dont see where it does any good in the long run, his bad out weighs the good that is for sure.

Get out now as soon as you can. Verbal and physical abuse are not okay.

My heart goes out to you.

Hope you are able to move on and enjoy your life.

Oh my gosh. I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted after I read your letter which never seemed to end. You have to get out now. But before you do you need to get a great lawyer that will help you fight for your son. He is to toxic and he will only poison your sons mind with things to keep him against you. I have been fighting with my ex husband who is bipolar and refuses to acknowledge it) for 2 going on 3 years now. He has made up lies, exaggerates situations, and poison our daughters mind its so stressful and unsafe for our daughter. Make sure that if you get a judge and you don't like how he is you change judges. Leave him he is no good. They are selfish, obsessed amount money, and will never think of you even though it seems that at times they do. God Bless you and your family and think of your children.

thankyou for your input but tell me how do i get through the night,,how do i take control of my panic attacks which leave me breathless, exhausted, totally terrified and mentally drained. I am not functioning when i am not with him,,,how..please somebody advise me....

Hi LynBak, I have suffered panic attacks too after 6 months in a relationship with a BP male. You might find it useful to see a psychiatrist yourself as they are good at putting things in perspective. To cope with the anxiety I was given 20 mg of lexapro daily which is an anti depressant. I admitted my biplolar partner involuntarily to the mental health hospital. This involves making a lot of phone calls. With our situation the police were also involved to take him to hospital. Sometimes you have to take a hard line to help someone that cant see how sick they are. Now he takes his meds 2000mg of valpro a day and 20 mg of olanzapine a night. I struggle to make him see that he should nt smoke dope because it makes him manic. I have admitted him involuntarily twice now. It is a huge disruption to his life but I am tough on him because his illness has made him bankrupt and caused many accidents including a knee reconstruction last year after recklessly riding a motorcycle. I honestly think that the best thing is to involuntarily admit them when manic because it just causes so much grief for everyone if they are not medicated correctly. I forgot to mention that mine is obsessed with the law. Currently has 4 legal cases sitting at the solicitors but no money to start the fund rolling. Hilarious really. Just so delusional. Last manic episode involved daily meetings with the police to discuss how badly he percieved he was treated when thrown out of a venue. Might I add that he had snuck in without paying. Pure stupidity he is sometimes.

there don't have any logic even though they are often brilliant.........

my bf is like that too he has stopped taking his medication and he drinks alot.he was in prison because he killed people and he slapped his ex gf.i am no longer with him.

Hi,I've never posted in a forum, but I'm desperate for feedback. I've been with a BP boyfriend for 8 months. We're both older and very much in love. I didn't see anything serious to be concerned about for the first 6 1/2 months, then very suddenly he became very withdrawn and confused. We went from being inseperable to very separate. He doesn't phone me or show any interest. I am experiencing complete rejection, but understand this is just an episode? He is a shell of the man I knew and this has been going on for a month and a half. It has been the most painful thing I've ever witnessed. I want to wait for him to "come out of it" but am preparing myself that it may be too much for me. I'm also in the midst of a medical crisis with my grown daughter and he's just not responding or able to be here to support me in any way. It's hard...I'm wondering how many of you have experienced complete emotional withdrawl from BP boyfriends/spouses and do they eventually just come back to their old selves?

Yes, the cycle of many bipolars is finding something to be angry about, turn it on you, cut you off physically and emotionally and they will give you the silent treatment for days.
The other thing I find strange is how they can love you so much and then cut you off and throw the divorce word around like it doesn't matter.
You have to remember there are several degrees of the illness so your boyfriend may not display all the signs that other woman talk about but I think some of the key things to watch for are happy and loving to angry/depressed (depression often comes out as anger)we call it bipolar rage. Need for control (the way you dress, money, cars, where you live etc), grandios behavior and the way they can be so harsh with their words when they normally wouldn't say certain things.
I suggest if you're not married then run like hell and figure out why you are attracted to that type of personality. It is often the case that certain personality types are drawn to bipolars.
Be very careful.

This so discribes my Husband of two years. Before we got married he would accuse me of messing around on him with my ex-husband just because I would have conversations with him about our two small children. Since we got married his drinking has become increasly worse and with each new problem that comes up he finds one more reason to drink. He also has an addiction to narcotics. My husband looks for reasons to start arguments and then turns them around on my to be all my fault. I will admit that I have my faults in the downfall of our marriage and take accountabilty for my actions, but in my husbands mind he does nothing wrong. He denys the emotional abuse he has caused me or minimizes it by saying I deserved it. He makes up lies to make me think that every one is against me, and then turns around and tells them lies about me. I have never had any depression issues or mood swings problems before marrying this man but since have been told that I have bipolar. However this has been changed because infact I have adult ADHD. I worry about my husband and the path that he is on, he honestly believes that he has been to heaven and talked to his sister his passed away almost three years ago. My mother inlaw also suffers from mental illness and she actually thinks that my husband goes to heaven... She has also told him that I am the one with the mental disorder... Like I said I am with out fault however I believe that my husband has a mental disorder and that it will eventually become so explosive that it cannot be fixed.

my husband does the exact same thing, for example the other night we had sum friend over and the next day his friend came over that was over the night before and when he left he came to me and said i didnt know u were makeing out with him lastnight?! i said what!! i did not i think i would have remembered that and i know he was making it up just to see if i would confess up to something... thats horriable, why would he accuse me of that and he has been alot latly too i dont understand it?...

my husband does the exact same thing, for example the other night we had sum friend over and the next day his friend came over that was over the night before and when he left he came to me and said i didnt know u were makeing out with him lastnight?! i said what!! i did not i think i would have remembered that and i know he was making it up just to see if i would confess up to something... thats horriable, why would he accuse me of that and he has been alot latly too i dont understand it?...

This so discribes my Husband of two years. Before we got married he would accuse me of messing around on him with my ex-husband just because I would have conversations with him about our two small children. Since we got married his drinking has become increasly worse and with each new problem that comes up he finds one more reason to drink. He also has an addiction to narcotics. My husband looks for reasons to start arguments and then turns them around on my to be all my fault. I will admit that I have my faults in the downfall of our marriage and take accountabilty for my actions, but in my husbands mind he does nothing wrong. He denys the emotional abuse he has caused me or minimizes it by saying I deserved it. He makes up lies to make me think that every one is against me, and then turns around and tells them lies about me. I have never had any depression issues or mood swings problems before marrying this man but since have been told that I have bipolar. However this has been changed because infact I have adult ADHD. I worry about my husband and the path that he is on, he honestly believes that he has been to heaven and talked to his sister his passed away almost three years ago. My mother inlaw also suffers from mental illness and she actually thinks that my husband goes to heaven... She has also told him that I am the one with the mental disorder... Like I said I am with out fault however I believe that my husband has a mental disorder and that it will eventually become so explosive that it cannot be fixed.

I was in a relationship with a medicated bp type 2 male for four years. The first 6 months were wonderful with lots of attention, charm, sex, romance, everything positive. Then he started hitting his highs and lows. He was very deceptive, had too many secrets, and I caught him in a small lie here and there all of the time. He was unable to put his priorities in line. He was derrogotive, and always tried to deem his opinions fact. Very intelligient and well read, however, always argueing over things he knew nothing about. I finally left, I still love him but I know he has no intentions of ever putting me or my 8 yr old first. I wish him the best, however, I do not think he is capable of ever putting anyone before him.

I guess, I didn't realize my ex husband was bi polar till I began reading through some of your letters. I was with him for 9 years. He was diagnosed with PTSD, a few years ago. About a year ago, he began drinking every night, and got into some hard drugs. He convinced me to open our relationship up. I knew that he was already sneaking off. Well anyways. It's hard to go into details. I think about it every day. He did have meds which he would not take on a regular basis, because he said it would cause him problems. (excuses) but the boose, and the coke never made him feel bad right? Anyways. I have been seeing a man for almost a year. He openly admitted to me that he is bipolar, and does take medication, and sees a therapist, once a month. He has lows and highs. He is not violent or verbally abusive with me. He is a self injurer though. He hasn't injured himself, in almost 11 months now. And he says that its because of me. It scares me a bit though.
Well, my ex husband moved in with a young lady after two weeks of dating. They recently broke up, and has been going through some lows. He is not doing any type of drugs anymore, and occasionally drinking. He has his own place, and has a steady job, with health insurance. I am proud of him. But, I am still afraid of commiting anymore energy to him. But, I do with my boyfriend. Strange huh.
Well, I guess I am mostly venting, and I don't find my situation too strange now. Thank you all for your stories.

Wow. I have read through all these letters and never in my life would I think that I would be in this same situation. But here I am, with my boyfriend of 2 years...and I COMPLETELY understand what each of you are going through and how hard it is. When I met him, I fell in love instantly. He's the greatest, most caring person I have ever met. At 1 point, about a year ago, he started smoking weed everyday. I told him it wasn't a good idea but he seemed calm and like it wasn't effecting him negatively or anything because he was doing great with his job and everything. He didn't drink very often, but when he did, he like transformed into someone I have never seen before. He would drink to the point of blacking out and getting violent with me. At 1 point he came home and told me he cheated on me with some girl but he totally regretted it because he was drunk and it won't happen again. I of course got so mad though and started an argument and he just didn't want to listen to anything I was saying, as if I was the bad person for getting upset. So I went to my parents house for a month and during that time he would tell me he missed me and wanted me to come home, etc... so of course, I did. We made an agreement that he wouldn't drink anymore. Well that lasted for a while up until recently. A week ago he stopped smoking weed and all of a sudden had all this energy and literally stayed up for 4 days. He was having all these delusions about an "itch" and how he can MAKE people itch, and he would sit there and watch youtube videos and point out every itch that they would have. And then would talk about the devil and god and how the devil is a fly that flies in your ear.. I mean, the list goes on. So of course I got worried and I called his mom and she came over and the weird part is.. those past couple of days he would be SO loving and hug me and tell me he loves me, and 5 minutes later get so angry and try to hit me. So when his mom came over, he was being all lovey and telling her he loved her and then while we were all eating lunch.. out of NO WHERE.. he was like "CAN YOU GET THE F*** OUT? GET THE F**** OUT NOWWW" and came after ME and threw me across the room and pushed his mom, and we were afraid he was trying to push us down the stairs so we ran and called 911. The cops came and well long story short he had to be tazered and pepper sprayed and he's now sitting his jail. I went to visit him last night and he told me he didn't remember anything and that he'd never do anything to hurt me or his mom and that he felt as if someone gave him LSD or something because he had such a strong feeling of mood swings and kind of knowing what was going on but couldn't control it. He said at 1 time he thought he was in Disneyland... and I just don't know. I went and told him that he obviously needs help and he agreed once he gets out that he will go. But I really don't know what to do at this point. I love him so much and I'd do anything to help him so I know how you guys feel, feeling so helpless. I've been getting these past nightmares these past few nights and waking up in cold sweats and I just feel it taking a toll on me. I don't want to leave him because I feel like things will just get worse. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your stories because it made me realize that I'm not alone and that these people really don't mean to hurt us, they just have no control over themselves.

My gosh, where do I start. I have never in my life joined an on line community but in an attempt to understand my ex fiancée’s behaviour and regain my sanity I started doing some research on bi polar. I stumbled across this web site and it has helped me beyond any book, therapist, friend, family or scotch and soda in helping me understand what happened. I am in débuted to you all for sharing your stories and pals know how much you have helped me realise I am not on my own. I had a man in my life for 2 years which ended on 27 Dec 2010. For the first 9 months of that 2 years we had the most loving, fulfilling and beautiful relationship. He was the one I had waited all my life for. I was 39 years of age. He was successful, enormous fun, strong and we endlessly talked about the meaning of life, love and our purpose on earth. Yes, he did get the blues on Sundays’s and often said the meaning of life gets too much and he needs to drink to wipe it out. He starts drinking at 10am on Saturday mornings and always gets drunk on Fri night. His deep thinking about purpose was something I found alluring as I do too. He brought a $4 million dollar home and we agreed I would move in November 2009. Six weeks after I moved in he went nuts. Told me we have no emotional connection, our sex life is poor, he is no longer attracted to me, he felt threatened by me and he was too busy to work out our issues. He got drunk and left the house and did not return for 2 nights. Pals know I am none of the above. I moved out completely broken hearted. We had planned a trip to South Africa for Christmas to see his family. He still wanted to go as “friends” of course we went as lovers and had an amazing trip during which, while he had some down days, resulted in a statement that he loved me and we were going to sort things out and get back to a great place. Yes, he drank heavily all through the trip. Within 2 mins of arriving home he had a bottle of vodka in his hand and totally turned on me. From Jan 2010 to Dec 2010, he took me on the ride of my life, loving me one minuted and telling me we had no emotional connection the next. He was crass and drunk sometimes but did start anti depressants in July. We got engaged in September, brought a puppy and because I wanted to wait 2 weeks before I told my parents (yep my family do not like him) he imploded and was so nasty, aggressive and mean. Not the man I had loved for the previous 3 months. He asked for time to work out our relationship but yes, I continued to sleep with him and spend time with him…once again I agreed to go on Christmas holidays with him. The week before we were due to leave he slept with an ex girl friend twice. I saw her car out the front of his house, I confronted him and one almighty fight happened. He was in tears telling me how much he loved me and he only slept with her because he was drunk and lonely and we were not really in a relationship. He had also slept with her 3 other times during 2010 when we were not together. He wanted to work things out with me etc. I of course was in a rage and flew off the handle and told his best mate and tried to call her. She was engaged as well and has been on and off with him for 6 years. He even counselled her over her engagement!! Post me rage, he then turned angry, threatened me with legal action for stalking, and an AVO and called me a physco stalker and said he never wanted to see me again. I have not heard from him since. 5 months latter I have not recovered from this. I desperately wanted a child with him and I have reached out 3 times to talk to him and he has never responded. He was the love of my life and I am depressed and feel such a loss without him, he of course has a new GF as of 4 weeks ago. She is young and stunning and I feel destroyed. I lie awake at night thinking they are going to marry, have kids and he will change and be the man I loved 100% of the time with her. All the support and help I gave him she will benefit from. How can he forget me like that??? How do I move on? Does he have bi polar ?Will he change? Has she replaced me and is he cured? Does he miss me??How can he forget the love we had? I do know he still is drinking very heavily. Any help would be so much appreciated. His good side was amazing. I can’t belive I am in this position – I am a loving, decent and intelligent woman.

She hasn't "replaced" you and he almost definitely won't change. I've done this same rollercoaster with someone for the last 4.5 years, and we're almost in exactly the same spot as we were 4 yrs ago! Nothing changes, although words/promises can be great. With an unwillingness to even acknowledge a problem, much less take steps to make it better, nothing will be different for her. Those same behaviors he showed you will surface with her, given time, stress, etc. Emotionally, I've been.....and continue to be, at times....where you are now, with the same deep pain and heartbreaking questions. But realize that you deserve better.....that's the key. That is not any way to live the rest of your life, and you can't sacrifice yourself b/c of love for him. Try to just stand strong in that knowledge and move forward everyday, even if just small steps. You DO deserve much better than what he's shown you!

I so agree with n2kismet. you sure DO deserve so much better that what he's shown you. I wish you happiness. this forum is incredibly helpful with regard to helping yu see yourself through others.

I would like to reply to all of you. I have a bipolar son who will not get treatment. He has been married twice and had been violent with both.Sadly he has 2 children he has never taken care of and one he payed o have aborted. He has beaten me up and threatened to kill me all his life. 2 weeks before my husband died he told him " I know your dying and when your gone i am going to get mom". He is very nice to other people, for a while and they think he is wonderful. He lies like he was born to do it and does it very well. I have tried to get him help to no avail. He is very convincing to everyone. If you can get out of it DO IT. You willhave problems forever and never know what they will do next. Sincerely a mother in Ca.

I would like to reply to all of you. I have a bipolar son who will not get treatment. He has been married twice and had been violent with both.Sadly he has 2 children he has never taken care of and one he payed o have aborted. He has beaten me up and threatened to kill me all his life. 2 weeks before my husband died he told him " I know your dying and when your gone i am going to get mom". He is very nice to other people, for a while and they think he is wonderful. He lies like he was born to do it and does it very well. I have tried to get him help to no avail. He is very convincing to everyone. If you can get out of it DO IT. You willhave problems forever and never know what they will do next. Sincerely a mother in Ca.

I know what you have gone through and I feel the very same deep hurt in my heart over my guy who I believe is bi polar. The pain over our monthly breakups is so bad I feel physical pain and hurt. The confusion that his behaviors and breakups make me feel is like riding a roller coaster...the coaster starts out smooth and beautiful then starts to get a little bumpy then out of nowhere its jolting me up and down and then its like I fall out of the highest point of the coaster and I land on the ground wondering what happened? Did I do something? Does he not love me? He loved me, couldnt live without me and wanted to run off and get married a few weeks ago and now we arent speaking......When he seems to be cycling (he has never been professionally diagnosed but every story Ive read here is MY LIFE with him) he criticizes me harshly, puts me down for not having a better home, a better car, a better job, etc....I am a good person, have always been there for him and have taken him back everytime we break up....usually after a few days to a week, he will text me that he misses me or text something as if nothing ever happened. This time its been 6 days and nothng from him. And I feel the same as you do....he has soomany wonderful sides to him, Ive never met a man so charismatic and exciting as him and the thought of him giving this side of him to another woman hurts so deeply...this was the guy I waited my whole life for....we went to high school together but never spoke to each other but I remembered after 17 years of one day in a class we shared together that he and I locked eyes for just a moment....and when he entered my life 17 years later it was like fate.....Over the course of two years we became like two peas in a pod....inseperable....and now he is gone. When did he stop loving me? Did he ever love me? Was it real? These are just a few of the thoughts running through my mind constantly....feels like the rug is ripped out from under me once a month....and just a few weeks ago we were talking about starting our own family.....

when i first met my currently ex-boyfriend, i totally fell head over feet, i have never had that instant feeling like that i cant even describe it. we had an instant connection and before long were dating in a serious relationship. things were going so well, we were eachothers best friends, laughing and having a good time all the time!!!

after a couple weeks i found an anti-depressant in his room and asked him why he took it. he said it wasnt a big deal, he just suffered anxiety and had a hard time sleeping sometimes. i let it go, even though i was a little confused about it. then like a week after that we were with my parents and he admitted to all of us that he is bipolar and some other ppl in his family are as well. this scared me a little too (his family lives across the country so i never got to meet them, he lives where i do for work). i didnt think too much into it because he said it wasnt bad and he took meds for it etc...

everything was going well we told eachother we loved one another, we had romantic nights out, we went on a trip out of state, he was always giving me roses, etc.. then one day totally out of the blue after just 2 nights ago we were having a blast together, he text me when i was at work, "we need to talk". well i wasnt going to go all day with that on my mind so i called him right then and asked him whats up and he said, "my feelings are changed, i just cant do it anymore". i was CRUSHED and couldnt figure out what went wrong... well this was 4 days ago and now that i have read all your posts im starting to feel a little better about it and not thinkiong it was me. i have had to go on lexapro as well cause my anxiety was/is so bad. (although there are other things going on in my life too)

well now we are meeting up to talk tonight because i really needed some answers and closure but now im not even sure if its worth it!!!

thank you so much for all your posts, it really helped me see things in another prespective

I have been with a man for 2 and a half years who sounds just like all of these men. He breaks up with me at least twice a year. At first I didn't see the signs and understood our first break up due to other circumstances in our relationship. The next ones seem to happen around the same time of the year. It will start with the distancing and then out of the blue when I think that things are ok, he will say that he " is not happy", lies to me about being happy, and then seems to say really awful things to me. He drinks a lot and to the point at times when he : blacks out". When he blacks out he has broken my things, verbally abusive, fought with my friends, and has gotten his ass kicked by people at bars. The next day he says he doesn't remember what happened. When he comes back he says that he is sorry and that he wants to get back together and loves me. Things are great and he is wonderful for about 4-7 months and then again he starts the cycle. He was medicated when he was younger but does not want to be on medications " he won't feel like himself".
I agree with all of you that it is painful to watch someone that you love destroy themselves. When is enough enough?

my boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and i am only sixteen. it seems to me like he's having another episode. three days ago, everything was fine. then he suddenly blamed me for not trusting him or being open enough with him, yet instead of talking to me about it, he got mad and gave me the silent treatment! it's making me feel like crap. there's really nothing i can do to get through to him at this point, and it SO FRUSTRATING. last time he had an episode he was off his meds,and everything seemed to go back to normal once he'd gone back on them but this time he says he's still on them so i don't know if i can blame his behaviour on that. i'm wondering if the mood swings and bipolar behaviour are still common even for someone who is being medicated? i'm so young and i just don't know what to do.

kfen
Sadly at 16 this behavior isn't abnormal. Ask him point blank out of concern for him if he's still on his medicaiton. Be honest that his behavior is concerning you because you care about him. And accept his answer as the truth until you have evidence otherwise.