I have yet to find anybody in this field
(my field) whom I can talk to about the
horrendous altercations my life has gone
through due to this. I can barely even
say the word bipolar, and remain a closet
case turned recluse. Would anybody like
to be a friend and confidant?
I have so many things I want to ask/talk
about......
I'm an award-winning teacher, was once
considered a highly accomplished
over-achiever...And have taken a nose dive
that seems to have been further
exaserbated by several wrenching events in
my life.
I kind of had to quit my job, ...The
humiliation.
I have been literally sleeping for a week.
I only go get groceries at night because
I am afraid of, of encounters with anyone.
It even seems ludicrus to me, but I am
terrified, living here in a house with the
shades drawn, and phone calls never get
answered in person.
Recently I bought a computer. After
sleeping for 7 days, I have been up
between computer and bed for three
days...Becoming, for the most part, so
engrossed in forums, love lines, etc.
That I check them compulsively.
By the way, 4 years, every med in the
book, and no alcohol is the history.
Prior to being diagnosed, I was
"depressed, adhd, whatever."
in nine years, i've lost hold of my
life.
I would love a friend to really be honest
with about this, and visa versa.
Jessie
|
Users who thank lifesuspended for this post:
Jack57
purplepaw
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2004 Posts: 3
Bipolar Teacher Too Posted: 09-19-04 21:23pm
Dear jessie, I too am a bipolar ll award
winning teacher. I have been on a leave
since april. I just couldn't handle being
at work. I too feel like a failure as I
know that people have great expectations
for me, but I just can't live up to them.
Of course, I put enough pressure on myself
that I don't need their help. I was
diagnosed almost two years ago, but have
suffered for years. I feel like I can
fake and look good as a teacher sometimes
but inside I know that I am only
maintaining a charade. It is always only
a matter of time before the meds stop
working and off I go again... I really
try to convince myself, as I am going to
try to do with you now, that we have a
disease and we are not failures. Our
disease affects what we do, not who we
are. It is just harder for us because
people don't know about our disease. We
keep it hidden so there is no explanation
for them regarding our behavior. If we
had cancer, would we feel like failures.
I think not. Maybe if I can convince you
of this I can convince myself too. Take
care my friend. Xo
|
anneo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2004 Posts: 1 Location: GA
Another Bipolar Educator Posted: 10-06-04 16:42pm
I, too, am a bipolar, award-winning
teacher. Am also a family person. Am
blessed in many ways -- and I have held it
together for a lot of years, but now am
struggling, trying to find my way. It
helps to see that other folks have similar
problems, that I don't have to be ashamed
and hide from everyone. I'm a writer,
also, and that sometimes helps. As well
as walking and smiling. More later, take
care, anneo
|
Athena
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 1
a Might-be Bi-polar Teacher Posted: 10-21-04 00:33am
I've been a teacher for 7 years. During
the first two years, I was very
successful...But that may have been
because I had a great principal. Then I
went through a hellish situation at work
and transferred to another school in the
district. The next two years were okay.
I was still successful but not as happy.
The following year was bad. My mother
died on xmas eve, leaving me in a horrible
depression. The next year was even
worse. I was surplussed out of my school
and decided to try jr. High, where I
worked for a witch. It's pretty much
been a downward spiral after that initial
two-year honeymoon period. I'm on a
medical leave at this time. Before my
mother died, I was mainly plagued by
anxiety. After her death, depression
became a big problem. I've seen various
therapists and counselors over the years,
but none of them have ever seen me as
bi-polar. However, my sister thinks I am
and has convinced my current therapist of
that. I kind of feel like if they want
me to be bi-polar (my sister and
therapist, my sister being my only real
family), i'll be bi-polar for them. I
dread going back to my job. The witch
principal from last year left and was
replaced by another principal whom i've
worked for before. I had no problems
with him in the past, but he betrayed my
trust in him and was the catalyst that
pushed me over the edge. In the
meantime, because i'm single, i'm relying
on my sister for help. Her husband sees
me only in dollars and cents. If I have
this serious psychiatric condition, which
will prevent me from having a "normal"
life, what is the point? Especially when
my family causes me more stress, and I
don't have a spouse to rely on.
|
Ruby of the Water
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jul 2004 Posts: 43 Location: Michigan
Teacher Also Posted: 10-31-04 21:01pm
I have not been successful at keeping a
full-time position so I have substituted
for years.
I love teaching and the students love
me.
Oh but the way I put myself down is just
unfair.
i got all this education and have never
even attempted being a full time teacher
after only one year of full time work.
It just was so difficult for me to "hold
it together".
I always wondered why the district did not
take my suggestion to team teach with
another person. We could cover for each
other.
You gals are right in there with me. I
just took the pressure off me by teaching
as a sub.
Ruby
|
Roxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Il
Posted: 12-30-04 02:03am
Jessie,
all I can say is.Wow-over-achiever huh?
It must feel so lonely for you or anyone
on here w/bi-polar disorder! I don't know
much about it or the right meds for it but
maybe people w/the disorder can find a
local place to get together and talk not
only about the problems but to help get
out of the house for fresh air? Just a
thought:) I know by reading these
messages,it sounds that getting out
sometimes can be hard? Maybe you can try
it out for once a week or month to start?
Take care and have a nice day.Smile:)
|
The_MrS.
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 16 Location: New Mexico
Wanna Be Teacher Posted: 01-18-05 04:02am
Jess, I am wanting to study to be a
teacher but I am a hermit. In fact I
just posted asking the question if anyone
else has social intereactions issues too.
I just helped out at my kids school
christmas party (kindergarden), I do well
with kids....Its the other mothers and
fathers I had issues with. I just don't
know how to interact with adults. I feel
they see me as weird. I used to want so
much out of life..Had that over-achiever
attitude but have sunk down to only going
out when it is absolutely necessacery. I
have no friends in the real world this
computer is my friend and even then I have
issues interacting. I am a military wife
and just feel lost in this new world. If
you want a pen pal trust me you have one
in me. I could use all the friends I can
get
|
shanti1
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 87
Bipolar Boyfriend Is So Smart, a Genius Iq, But... Posted: 01-23-05 17:22pm
I am not a teacher
my boyfriend has bipolar disorder and I
am not just saying this,
he is the smartest man I know, ( I know
lots of people) he could be a phenomonal
teacher, professor...
The aspect that made me attracted to this
man, is his intelligence
he knows so much about a zillion different
topics. It is unreal.
He knows about government, full names of
people and their political postion, or
slant, their job senators, congress, on
and on. Computers,etc
he knows history,
he has soulutions to our socials security
that he said a year ago, and now on some
political shows, I hear these "experts"
discuss exactly what my boyfriend said!
His iq is in the genius level. He is way
so smart, knows about medication and
reactions for, anxiety, depression,
bipolar, he is a walking pdr!
It is such a shame, how intelligent he is,
how much he has to offer the world, he is
so insecure, I don't understand.
When he is upset, or nervous, he becomes
such a jerk, name calling, cursing, he
throws the portable phone across the room
when he gets an upseting phone call.
When he thinks someone 'did him wrong',
well even if he is wrong, he will make
your life a living he_ _
the contrast between two sides of him, how
nice, a love bug, most brillant man ever!
And yet he can snap and turn mean and
cruel the next moment...
It must be so frustrating to be so smart
and to have this disorder
bless you all, thank you all for sharing
your stories, you all are so wonderful for
sharing and being great teachers!
|
Jack57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Queensland, Australia
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Bipolar teacher Posted: 07-11-08 07:05am
Hi,
I just accidently came across the website
after trying to find someone to share
about being a school teacher with bipolar.
I have only just been diagnosed with
bipolar 2 although I have probably had it
all my life and didn't know it as the
history of my life fits bipolar like a
hand to a glove.
I have been teaching 10 years and have now
come to the conclusion that I can no
longer be a teacher due to my illness. I
have been struggling with this issue
immensely and my moods have gone all over
the place except for the medication which
has somewhat stabilised me. I am currently
seeking some payout which will enable me
and my family to survive at least
hopefully until I can live some kind of
normality in my life. I felt so at home
reading the other letters from other
teachers who have bipolar. It is so good
to know there are other people who can
relate to what I'm currently going through
which is undescribable. The hardest thing
is finding decent specialist who can try
and understand that we are genuine real
people who have an illness and that we are
not just trying to escape their world and
how they (people who have never
experienced bipolar) percieve the world to
be. As I know as I'm sure all other
bipolar sufferers know their world and
ours are poles apart. I ahve so much to
share I dont know where to begin
Mal
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antigone
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 912 Location: IL
Thanks: 45
Thanked:16
Posted: 07-12-08 15:03pm
Any of you can private message me if you
need to talk or vent or discuss bipolar
disorder. I do not have bipolar disorder
but have children that do and have been
dealing with this disorder for several
years. The best to all of you!
|
WhydoIdothis
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1
I am a teacher also Posted: 07-16-08 13:28pm
I am new to teaching, 2 years. I found out
I was bipolar in 2006 on month later I was
kicked out of my house. I filed for
divorce, got pregnant, moved to a new
state, and started a new career. I tend to
do things very impulsively. After two
years in the new state I have finally made
a friend or I thought. He was very sweet
and I could talk with him. We got very
close one night and I felt bad but talked
with him about it and everything seemed
okay. Now a month later he does not want
anything to do with me. He is afraid I
want a serious relationship. I don't think
that is what I am after but I do what a
friendship. I am so lonely and I think
that is why I did what I did. I have a 2
year old daughter and I don't want her to
get the impression that mommy can't have
friends but I never seem able to keep
them. I think I ask to much of their time?
I don't know but I really miss this friend
and I told him I was bipolar but never had
the chance to help him understand what
bipolar is. Does anyone else have problems
with relationships. Do you do things you
regret? I also have a hard time keeping a
job more than 2 years. I hate that I am
like this but I can't seem to fix it. I
worry about my daughter growing up with me
like this. Any advise?
|
CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 07-17-08 04:57am
I can feel your pain. I was a couselor
trainie for mental health and addiction
and recovery at the same time having an
achololic mom and husband. It is not an
easy stream to cross over. Many rocks and
rapid waters ahead. I know what you are
going thourgh. Although, I had to retire
early due to illness from hospital and
mental health, in a way I am blessed
because I can deal with my own problems
now with an open mind and not bring my
clients or patients problems home with me.
|
redhata
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2008 Posts: 7 Location: , Europe
Bipolar teacher also Posted: 08-06-08 14:24pm
hi every one,
let me intronduce my bipolar historic
first:
1993
------
I was working in a job with a lot of
pressure, just finished the university, my
first major depression episode came up, as
result was to quit in fall from my job,
using as excuse that i had to do my
millitary service, i stayed in depression
state until 1994 and i did my millitary
service with almost no problems.
1996
------
I was working in company with a lot of
pressure, second major depression episode,
as result was to quit again and stayed in
depression till the spring of 1997 when i
got my dreamed job in a big company..
1997
------
summer of 1997, not really pressure, but i
had some problems with collegues, my first
maniac episode came up, i was fired from
my dreaned job.. i was 28 years old, i saw
life to get rough with me, i visited a
psychiatrist, she said dont worry you ll
be ok(i was not in mania phase, i was in
depression phase), i drifted to europe to
find something to do but i was depressed
so i came back to my country..
Fall of 1998
========
im starting to work as a teacher in high
schools, it was hard in the beginning
cause i was still depressed, but i fighted
it and became childrens' most popular and
beloved teacher in every school that i
was.
I almost put away my episodes, i thought
that a new era opened for me, i thought i
was normal, i thought..
summer of 2007
-------------------
i was teaching in the same school for 5
years sucessfully, the principle was no
good for me anyway but i could handle it,
some financial problems seemed to be
settled but a second job was always in my
mind these 5 years, actually i tried some
projects to get an extra income but i just
lost my time and what else, a five years
relationship was finishing.
So the school was closed for the summer
holiday but my second HUGE maniac episode
came up:
drugs, alcohol, payed love, violent
behavor, scaring calls to friends,
relatives and collegues, i even called my
parents cursing them, i threaten the
principal of my school about his family,
completely paranoid for 2 months.. of
course i didnt go at school in the
beginning of school year.
My parents finally put me in a mental
clinic and saved my job till now.. I
stayed there for one month with a lot of
meds, i tried a suicide there, but i didnt
try enough.
They gave me 2 months off after the clinic
and after that i was put in another school
as secretary. Im still in the depression
phase, i diagnosed as bipolar(finally), i
see my therapist every month and im
getting my pills every day.
I have 4 friends left from my destroyed
social life, my financials are almost
completely ruined cause of the huge
amounts that i was spenting using my
credit cards during my maniac episode, i
was living alone or with a girlfriend
since 18, now in my 38 years my mother and
my father are visiting and staying often
at my flat, im not in mood to date, to
meet people.
At September i have to go back to my old
school and to face people that i behaved
to them like a jerk, i dont know what will
be happened finally with my collueges
and/or with the children(i never had a
serious problem with them). Im afraid and
i feel shame about myself.
I guess that I have to get my pieces
together(one more time) and to give myself
another chance(one more time)
Many Thanks To All People In This Forum
Last edited by redhata on 08-06-08 15:29pm; edited 1 time in total
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3960 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 126
Thanked:12
Posted: 08-06-08 15:28pm
The local chapter of NAMI may be helpful
to anyone looking for help, guidance,
friends, and information:
It's a national organization but they have
local chapters and people meet and learn.
I work with individuals with mental
illnesses and they all speak highly of
NAMI.
