Sounds silly, right? Well, the main reason why I get depressed and/or suicidal about school is because of my mom. She says I need to be an honor roll student all the time, and if i'm not then i'm more or less worthless. According to her, if you're not a college graduate, then you don't have a life that's worth anything.

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My story is basically this: my math teacher threw a pop quiz at us yesterday, and while I knew the terms and all very well, I thought I understood a particular part of the quiz because there was a similar question on the homework the night before. And seeing as I was so confident in the meaning of the question, I didn't bother to ask. As a result, I failed the quiz with a 50. And because it was the first grade of the year, my overall grade stands at a 50.

I came right home and bawled my eyes out, screaming and crying that I wanted to die and trying to think of ways to quietly, quickly, and painlesly dispose of myself. I mean, if I can't make my mom happy, then why should I bother even living? If I was gone, then she would no longer need to buy me clothes, school supplies, or pay for my internet. One less mouth to feed - i'd probably be doing her a favor by killing myself. And I wouldn't want any fancy burial either - just tossing me in a hole in the backyard would be fine. Or she could give my body to science - at least that way she'd get some money for me.

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As I type, tears roll down my face as I think of going through life as a total failure. I can't hide it any longer - I just want to die. I don't want to suffer anymore like this - if my mom just didn't care about my grades, then i'd be okay. But she screams at me for weeks on end if my grades get below an 80. I try my hardest, but that's never good enough for her.

When it comes to living, I just want out. I don't want to hurt anymore; if I knew I was worth anything at all then i'd try and overcome my sadness but i'm not worth anything.

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Scaredbaka - eyeing a knife wondering if it would be quick