Bipolar Ex. Boyfriend Lost Feelings For Me Forunknown Reason

Hey karissa,

i'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to you recently. I do understand how you feel. I definitely would say this has to do with the bipolar disorder, as i've gone through the exact same thing these past few weeks--and my boyfriend also has bipolar disorder as well. It is so painful to trust someone that much, and have them express such heart felt feelings for you, to do a 360 and all of a sudden claim they have no feelings whatsoever. It goes against all logic to our rational minds.


My boyfriend and I knew each other for about a year, and had seriously been dating for over four months. It was a fairytale relationship--i was so happy with him, and just loved being with him--he seemed so kind hearted and senstive to me. Every so often in the relationship, out of nowhere, he would become very depressed, moody, and push me away. He would tell me he had "two personalities"--one good, one bad. When he'd become the "bad" personality, he would want to break up with me, and claimed that everything he told me about loving me and wanting to be with me was a lie--that he was going through the motions. I would become so hurt, because I put so much trust in him...But I would try to explain how it was his bipolar disorder, and then give him his space. Within a few days, he would usually come back, manic again, telling me how much he loved me and how I was the best girlfriend ever, and wondered why I was with him.


I just came home from a vacation, and upon arrival, my boyfriend was wonderful. He was so excited to see me, and threw me a mini party. He took me out to see his relatives. A few days later, I told him I was concerned that he wouldn't love me if I didn't convert to his religion, which would be conditional, and he agreed, and said it was for the best we didn't go out, and left. I was devistated. This is the same man that said he would marry me, have kids with me--be with me for all time and eternity. The same man that said I had opened his heart--the amount of affection and love he showed to me just did not correspond to the coldness and abruptness of his ending the relationship.


We met a few days later for my birthday, and he again started talking about how much he loved me...But then would say, "it's too bad we can't go out!" it just didn't make sense to me.


Then, merely a few days later, he was already inviting girls to his place--he said he was trying to forget me. It's like, he just changed his whole life again. I met with him to get my stuff back, and he acted as if we were dating again. He was hugging me...Showering me with affection...Talking about how much he missed me. He ditched his "dates" back at the house to spend the evening with me, laying down in the park, telling me how wonderful he thinks I am.


Then, the next day, he wrote me an email telling me that he did not want to see me anymore, and that in reality, it's because he never found me attractive, and he has a "shallow" foundation, and needs to be with someone more attractive than me. He then went on to tell me how he's been fantasizing about other women, comparing me unfavorably to them. He said although he loves me, love is not enough...And therefore, he doesn't want to see me anymore. He claimed he used me, because I could help him get where he wanted to be in life. He claimed that he never liked me at all. He claims he never had feelings for me...But grew to love the person I was...But he also insisted he does not have feelings. He's never had human feelings. He also claimed that he just wanted to try out a relationship with me, to go through the motions, and figure out what this love thing is people talk about--he wants to be able to feel.


I was devistated!


Within a few days, he became suicidally depressed again. I've gotten numerous emails, at first stating how sorry he was--that he feels horrible for hurting me, but he can't help the fact that i'm unattractive.


Now, his emails are praising me, telling me how wonderful I am, how nobody will ever compare to me, how he does find me attractive, how he misses me. He writes me poetry. He tells me he loves me.

He goes from one extreme to the other--at one moment, he has no feelings. At another, he seems to be so full of emotion--he cries, he loves, he creates beautiful artwork. He is so wonderful.


It's hard to realize that these men are both people they present. I for so long wondered if the good man was the lie, and the bad one was the real personality. Or if the bad one was the lie, and the good person was just trying to push me away. The truth is, our boyfriends are who they are in any moment in time--sometimes they are the personality without feelings...The one who cannot love any person, no matter how hard they try. At other times, they do love us...And probably feel more love for us than we can ever imagine. They justify their depressed feelings by making up excuses as to why they don't love us anymore. The truth is, these feelings have nothing to do with us. They are internal feelings they are feeling, and they try to place them on an external situation. Seeing that we are most likely the closest people to them, they someone think we are to blame for their horrible feelings, and try to push us away as a way to rid themselves of their pain.


I think it's a pretty interesting sign to see how your boyfriend's past relationships went. My boyfriend mentioned to me that he could never keep a relationship longer than a few weeks before dating me. I'm the only one that's been patient enough to keep putting up with these episodes. He says he has a pattern of being attracted to a girl...Getting very close, then suddenly seeing them as ugly, and leaving them. With me, he said he never was drawn to me at all...I don't know how true it is. Everything he said and did in the beginning of the relationship says this is a lie (i never persued him...So if he wasn't drawn to me, I don't know how on earth the relationship started!).


But yea, hang in there. I'm holding on to the belief that deep down, we will be ok without them. We have an inherent core that cannot be tarnished by our relationships, no matter how hurtful. We will be ok on our own. If our boyfriends get help though, and learn to manage their problem, and then want to try again, I would be open to that as well. But, right now, they are very, very ill, and need help...There is nothing we can do for them, but be supportive, but also be supportive of ourselves in the meantime as well.


Hang in there, karissa,

katrina65

Katrina. You're a sweetheart! Thank you so much for sharing your life story with me, it has helped me greatly. I'm so sorry about what you had to go through..But I know we can do it just like you said! I cannot thank you enough for what you have just shared with me and how you helped me. I don't even know you but you are a wonderful person. Do you have msn messenger? If so, maybe we could chat sometime. It's nice having a friend who shares the same problems as you. Thank you so much.. :d

Today I gave him a harsh note telling him all of the things he's done to me and "thanks a lot" for each of them. He wrote a note back to me and stuck it on my car after class. I read it and he said that theres no way that I am his rebound because he could have never gone out with me for 5 months, kissed me 3 weeks after we were going out, and been pysically sick to his stomach each time he thought about breaking up with me. Then why did he do it!? I am so confused....He said that his relationship with katie was on many levels and even he doesn't understand it.And probably not her either. Hopefully he will call me tonight at 4 like he said...But please write your responses on this one!!!

Hey again, karissa!

I sent you an email:)

I'm offended at the way you treated them. I have the same problems as your boyfriends here and i'm a girl. I've never been diagnosed with bi-polar but I have had just about ever kind of epilepsy you can think of, so I wouldn't be suprised if I do. Now we may have times where we say act or believe we do not or could not love somone. But this because we are confused. Being a male would make it ten times worse. Because men are told to deny their emotions. But they arn't really that much different than you. People in relationships have little problems weather it be religion the way they eat their food or grind their teeth, and things you absolutely adore like the way their hands move when their talking or the way they smell. With most people you identify both the faults and qualities ast the same time. But with people like your boyfriends you see the faults at once and the qualities at once. Nevertheless they still love you. The pressure society put on us makes us more violent because we relise we are not normal and that having these feelings is not normal. But you can hurt us too. Do you relise what it feels like to love somone so much and yet you get dumped because you suposedly hate them? Or do you know what it feels like to love somone so deeply it hurts and you stuggle between loving the pain and wishing it would go away? Do you know what it's like to be so obsessed with somone and then to relise they don't care about you not even half as much ? Please don't be so ignorant. We may say we have no feelings, but that's because we wish we didn't sometimes. It's not easy on a concience to know you love somone and hate them as well. Don't just give up. You'll only make them worse later on down the track. Iim 18 now, the person I love doesn't talk to me, because I made a giant conspiracy to prove I didn't love him. The fact is i'm scared and i'm trying to save myself from getting more hurt. I have a different problem though, coz we are both bi-polar.

Zsdf

Hi whoever you are. I'm sorry that you are offended by my opinions, but people are going to disagree with things because that's the way life is. I understand that for you, being bipolar is hard, and that's why you need help. I know that sounds harsh, but the truth hurts sometimes, for example, I wasn't exactly "happy" when I found out that I needed to go to the doctor for my depression last year.
I don't think you read my posting good enough. Well he was the one who broke up with me. I don't want to get back together with him again because I can't stand being in a relationship with a man who is bipolar who says he loves me one minute and then totally denies it the next. There are many more people out there in the world to find. I have just found out some really bad things about him, such as that one of the reasons he wanted to break up with me was because "i didn't give him any." there are many other things that are bad about him other than that he's bipolar. So i'm sorry that i'm "being mean" to my ex; that doesn't mean that i'm "being mean" to you also. Everyone is different and i'm talking about him, not you, so please don't criticize me. By the way, i'm over him now. :d

Ok I understand I bit more now. I couldn't really grasp the level of your relationship from your first post. I thought you two were a little more serious. I guess I was wrong. He'll find somone who is committed enough to work through it. Somone that feels equal to him. Good luck finding a new man. I mean nothing bad when I say "he'll find somone committed enough" there is nothing lesser about you. People need people with the same connection that's all. Keep in mind that even though he might have done some bad things does not mean he's not worthy of finding somone to love. Someday everyone has to die, and no one should die alone. I know this might seem a little hevy for somone who is still 17. But just keep in mind that wether or not you still like him or he likes you. The fact things finished badly with unfinished business might have implications of his relationships in the future. I'm always weary about making situations worse for others down the track.

Hello, im 34,my ex is 28. She just broke up with me. And im devastated,i cant eat cant sleep..Lost my job trying to fix this. She told me we fought too much,and said she dont need a man. Well its been 2 weeks that we broke up,and last night I found out she met a guy a week ago,and shes dating him. I called her and asked what was going on and she said it just happened. She has been really moody this summer, and starting in august she would sit and cry for no reason one minute,laugh like hell the next. I asked her what our problems were so we can fix it. She said she doesnt know what our problems are but she just cant handle things right now. The bad part is I want her back so bad, but now that she was with this other man I dont think I could if she would want me back. Imhaving such a hard time moving on. Shes all I ever wanted. What do I do now?

Not even 1 year into marriage and he loves me one day/week and then not the next. He will take one little thing i do and scream at me and call me horrible names and not love me anymore/wanting me out or divorce. After I cry and be depressed then he acts like he loves me again. I don't know how long i can take it. I truly believe he is manic when he does this. It is like he is in such pain and wants me to hurt to.

people often tack names onto their antisocial behaviours so they don't have to take ownership of their crap. it's not about what "made him" do it... nothing made him do it except for himself.

if you really care for him, i would not advise you to try to win him back by proving what a jerk he was. just express your feelings, and if he is for real, he will feel it, if not, move on.