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Q: Dear Daddy
asked by: lusciouskiss16 on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
I used to write alot of poetry..This is just a lil something I just wrote real quick. Its not exactly done..Im def. Gonna be changing some stuff and all..Editing it and everything.. Let me know what you guys think. Give me some ideas on what to add or say. Thanx...!


Dear daddy
by: ash

i think of you alot daddy,
i want to hear your voice.
I want to feel your hand daddy,
i think your making a bad choice.

I hear mommy cry alot daddy,
i hear her say she loves you,
why does mommy cry daddy?
I think she really loves you.

I reach out for you everyday daddy,
i never feel your touch,
i wish I could find you daddy,
we miss you so much.

I dont like it when mommy crys daddy,
it makes me really scared.
Mommys not doing well daddy,
i really wish you cared.

I need you alot daddy,
i need to know you care.
I dont want mommy to cry anymore daddy,
i know shes really scared.

I hear mommy talk about you alot daddy
she says good things about you.
I know mommy misses you daddy,
why dont you love her too?

I want to be a family daddy,
i want to know you care.
I want to be happy daddy,
i dont want mommy to be scared.

I'll always be here daddy,
right in mommys tummy.
I'll be waiting for you daddy,
all I want is for you to love me.
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Replies(20)
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Shayna
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Thats really depressing..But depressing poetry is always the best. It sounds fine to me I dont think u need to change it at all? I don't know I can't write.
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Thanks..!!
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bd1012
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
It's perfect to me! The rhyme is perfect and the rythm... All your rhymes line up to the place where you would expect one.. Hmm hard to explain.. Anyway it's really good. I used to write poetry but I no longer have the attention span for it or the drive... It was all really stupid anyway Rolling Eyes Laughing
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Lol..Yeah, I used to be really big into..Then I just kinda gave it up..I was bored sitting here and just started typing..And thats what I came up with..Thanks
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hm_03
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
That sounds good ash keep it like that and don't change anything from it because it comes from your thoughts.
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Thank you..!!
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linuxChique
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I keep meaning to post some of the stuff i've written, but i've lost everything! My stuff wasn't cutesy rhyming stuff, my biggest influences are walt whitman and e e cummings, so rhyming isn't one of my most-used skills!
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Ryhming is the easiest way..Its the things that dont ryme that are the talented..!!
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bellax0x
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Thats very good! I loooove writing poetry that doesnt rhyme!!

<3
gaby
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Awesome..Youll have to show me some sometime..I love reading poetry..More then I do writting it..
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smith8500
replied on September 1st, 2004
Especially eHealthy
Hey
Very awesome!
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Thanks
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Michelle1337
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
That made me cry.....Seriously...I'm sitting here crying.
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Sad.. Im sorry... Its kinda like..What my baby woudl be saying to tony
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Michelle1337
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I guess thats how I thought of it when I read it. Like what nathaniel would say to chris if he could.
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Yup..I wish it were better..But ya know.
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Michelle1337
replied on September 1st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
No its great, I love it. I really do.
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lusciouskiss16
replied on September 1st, 2004
Experienced User
Thank you..Very much
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lee25
replied on September 1st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
It's really nice, but it made me sad.

Brenda
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