Struggling With My Bi Polar Wife Posted: 08-30-04 19:31pm
I met my wife four years ago and have been
married for three. She and her two
children left texas to move to chicago to
live with me. Shortly after she moved
here she got pregnant with our son. That
is when we discovered that she was bi
polar. She thought she had post pardom
when she wanted nothing to do with our son
but then learned she was bi polar. She
got a therapist and got on medication that
she still takes takes today and it helps.
Now a few years later she has stopped
seeing her therapist and has developed a
drinking problem that has her drinking
vodka every night. She is still
constantly all over the place in terms of
manic behavior and the only thing the meds
do is calm her when she is in a rage. The
relationship from the beginning was
volatile and it still is. I dont
understand how one moment you are the best
thing on earth and the next she totally
hates me. On false move by my part she
shuts me off and acts as if I am her worst
enemy. I am so tired of fighting with her
and I dont think it will ever stop. I
dont want to leave her because I would
also be leaving not only my son but the
other two that only have me for a dad. I
could not ask her to stay in chicago and
be away from her familiy without me but I
also do not want my son going to another
state without me. I dont know what to do
and am wondering if it could ever get any
better.
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princess529_98
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2004 Posts: 101 Location: Ohio
Posted: 08-30-04 20:56pm
Hi shark, sorry to hear about your
problem. I wish I could tell you it will
get better but the truth is I dont know if
it will I am not really familier with
bi-polar. I do have a good friend whos
husband is dealing with it but by the time
he was told that thats what he had she had
had enough and they were divorced. The
only advice I can offer is maybe when your
wife's having a good day you can sit her
down and try and reason with her. Let her
know that this is taking a toll on you as
well and that she needs to get back into
therapy so she can be better. And I am
sure that the drinking end of it isnt
helping her at all let her know that too.
I am sure there is someone here that can
offer you ssome good advice.Sorry I wasnt
more help to you. I wish you the best of
luck though..Keep your chin up :d
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tina_28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2004 Posts: 11 Location: India
Posted: 08-30-04 22:59pm
Bipolar disorder is the form of depressive
illness in which the sufferer has periods
of being on a high, as well as periods of
depression.
Treatment of bipolar disorder is
especially important because it affects
you, your family, and your work.
Effective treatment is available for
bipolar disorder. Treatments include
medication, supportive psychotherapy and
occasionally ect. Treatment choices
depend on the type and phase of the
illness.
Please don't stop taking the medication or
changing your dosage without talking to
your doctor first. Finally, remember not
to give up on your medication too soon!
It may take up to six weeks to work
properly.
Psychologists provide the individual and
his/her family with support, education,
coping skills training, they also help
monitor the symptoms and encourage the
individual to continue medical treatment.
Last but not the least your support is
very important for her. A good listener
is what depressed people need most:
someone who will listen, who will not
judge or persuade them to come to
conclusions they do not want.
You can find out some tips - how family
and friends can help? And more on
treatments of bipolar disorder at
http://www.
Depression-guide.Com/bipolar-disorder.Htm<
/a>
hope u'll find it helpful
wishes
tina
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mindstatic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2004 Posts: 5 Location: MI, USA
I'm a Bipolar Wife Too Posted: 10-01-04 13:50pm
Sounds like your wife is a little bit like
I was. First off she needs help for
drinking. She's probably using it to numb
the pain of her out-of-control emotions.
I would drink sometimes to slow down too.
Either way alcohol in my marriage was an
inhibitor to becoming well and wreaked
havoc on my relationship with my kids and
husband. I hate taking my meds, and even
until this day I experiment with my
dosages once in awhile. A bad idea...It
eventually leads me into taking on chaotic
adventures and drinking binges. She may
be in denial of her diagnosis. I was
diagnosed just 9 months ago when I was in
a huge depressive slump. I enjoy my highs
all too much. I journal how incredibly
awful it is when I am depressed to
remember why I need to take my meds and
that I truly do have an illness. My
husband and I have been through a rough
couple of years, we've almost been out the
door heading for divorce attorneys twice.
It would be helpful for you to talk to
someone also, a therapist who is neutral
and someone you can vent your frustrations
to. It is very difficult to love someone
with a mental illness, but it is entirely
possible. Your wife is going through a
difficult time and needs your support. If
she refuses help, then you need to do
what's best for your family. I really
feel for you as I know the difficulties
i've put my husband through. But we now
are encouraged and have grown closer
because of all this. I wish the best for
you!
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atr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2004 Posts: 3
I Understand Posted: 11-04-04 16:40pm
My situation is a lot like yours. It can
be frightening not know when or why there
is a sudden outburst. My wife can be in
public and just go off on me and "hate" me
as you put it. Then the next day its like
nothing ever happened. I have overheard
her talking to her mom and her discription
of the arguement are "way out there". Her
perseption and delusions keep getting
worse. Keep trying and love her for the
person you know she can be not the person
she becomes, and follow your heart.
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she who wonders
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 10 Location: minnesota
Been There Am Doing That Posted: 11-05-04 00:55am
Hi I am new here and read your forum on
your wife...Your asking will it
change...If they stay on their meds and
their meds work for them then yes bipolar
is treatable...But not to many do and
sometimes meds need to be changed. Will
she have another manic or will she become
depressed the answer to this is most
likely yes...It does not go away this is a
illness for life....I have been married 28
years to a man who was diagonesed bipolar
2 years after we were married....I have
lived with his ups and downs.....He has
been on meds but sometimes he will mess
with them and this brings on a hypo manic
which he loves and then quits his meds all
together and becomes manic....I have went
through this 8 times in 28 years this time
it started in april and I am done....I can
not and will not go through this
again...Hate, yes he loved me one day and
hated me the next. For families this is
so hard....It brings so much hurt....It
takes and does not give back.....I wish I
could tell you everything will be alright
but I can not....I do know that you must
learn everything you can about this
illness, find a good doctor, but still
things can happen and they do. Good luck
to you and know you are not alone.
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KristaLeigh
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Dec 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Tulsa
to All the Family Members Posted: 12-19-04 05:10am
I have bipolar and lived with my dad who
had bipolar until he committed suicide so
call me narcissistic but nobody can
challenge my experiences, i've been on
both sides. I'd like to see you tell
someone with cancer that if they can't
control their illness that they need to
find someone who can make it go away and
tell them when they're looking to skinny
and pale. So I feel a little defensive
although I understand the fear and the
inability to predict what a person will
say and do next and ultimately controlling
your feelings as well. I did live with
that. Then the suicide. But, I also
live with severe bipolar disorder and know
what hell he must have endured and do not
know how he lived as long as he did. The
only thing is that it makes all us bipolar
people feel like burdens and that makes me
want to remove myself from my family's
life before I destroy them. Oh my god!
Tell a scizophrenic that "my god sometimes
you people think those people you see are
actually real!" jesus christ! If I saw
people trapsing around the room I don't
care what your intentions of snapping me
back to reality are, they're there and I
see them!!!! But the sad part is that
everyone suffers and there really isn't a
bridge between us until the illness is
treated somewhat because as i'm saying it
now, as the words are coming out of my
mouth and onto the screen now, the next
time I feel that way, I won't be able to
tell myself "these are just symptoms, I
wrote about it in the forum" I will feel
it because it is real, it consumes me, and
to not make others suffer I would have to,
and do, separate myself from everyone.
There is no answer if someone can't be
helped. That is the sad and frightening
part. What to do? Even if you know
it's a symptom, even if both of you know,
the real emotion still remains. I think
it's best to get medication and therapy so
that you can vent your feelings to a
person who isn't personally involved in
your situation.
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bzbabs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Dec 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Michigan
Re: to All the Family Members Posted: 12-30-04 17:23pm
kristaleigh
wrote:
i have bipolar and lived
with my dad who had bipolar until he
committed suicide so call me narcissistic
but nobody can challenge my experiences,
i've been on both sides. I'd like to
see you tell someone with cancer that if
they can't control their illness that they
need to find someone who can make it go
away and tell them when they're looking to
skinny and pale. So I feel a little
defensive although I understand the fear
and the inability to predict what a person
will say and do next and ultimately
controlling your feelings as well.
i am there as well. While I don't live
with my father, I see him every day and
the way he treats my mother and my family.
I understand now, though, that he is not
in control over himself. He doesn't
medicate and won't confide in a counselor.
I am so tired of the people that think
it is just ok to leave someone when the
going gets tough. I think it is
different if you live with someone
unwilling to seek help. Even then those
people just need to know that there is
someone unwilling to give up on them. We
just need love and acceptance and a whole
lot of it. I have friends saying just
pull yourself up and make yourself do it.
They tell me that their families just
don't let them quit. I am not a quitter.
No one is harder on me than myself. I
don't cut myself slack for a moment. I
just wish there was a way to make people
without bipolar see into the mind of
someone afflicted with it. The worst
thing someone can do to us is leave.
Just my opinion.
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The_MrS.
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 16 Location: New Mexico
Dr Jill Here Lol Posted: 01-18-05 03:41am
Not making light of the situation or
anything....I really am not a doctor I am
just a screwed up bi-polar wife and
mother. I will tell you from my
experience it gets worse before it gets
better.
You said you have been married for three
years and from my knowledge this is a
tough year transition that third year
almost killed my husband and me then when
we entered our fifth I went crazy and did
kill us for awhile.
If you read my reply to help my boyfriend
memorized my password it goes into full
detail but the basic gist of the matter is
that I had to go home to get the help I
needed. My husband and I seperated
because he could not give me the support I
needed at the time so I went to my family
who was able to get me the help. I came
back and so far so good.....Its been 5
months with only one disagreement.
The alcaholism is going to be your biggest
battle. As her husband you have legal
rights to admit her into a treatment
facility. Does it make things better
now.....No, but she"ll thank you later
after shes sober and has considered what
she has been doing to herself and
children. Its a tough situation you are
in. And I wouldn't wish it upon
anyone......My husband delt with me the
best way he could and sent me away.....It
brought us so much closer than anyone
could ever understand. I am not saying
it will work for everyone but it did work
for us.