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Struggling With My Bi Polar Wife

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I met my wife four years ago and have been married for three. She and her two children left texas to move to chicago to live with me. Shortly after she moved here she got pregnant with our son. That is when we discovered that she was bi polar. She thought she had post pardom when she wanted nothing to do with our son but then learned she was bi polar. She got a therapist and got on medication that she still takes takes today and it helps. Now a few years later she has stopped seeing her therapist and has developed a drinking problem that has her drinking vodka every night. She is still constantly all over the place in terms of manic behavior and the only thing the meds do is calm her when she is in a rage. The relationship from the beginning was volatile and it still is. I dont understand how one moment you are the best thing on earth and the next she totally hates me. On false move by my part she shuts me off and acts as if I am her worst enemy. I am so tired of fighting with her and I dont think it will ever stop. I dont want to leave her because I would also be leaving not only my son but the other two that only have me for a dad. I could not ask her to stay in chicago and be away from her familiy without me but I also do not want my son going to another state without me. I dont know what to do and am wondering if it could ever get any better.
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replied August 30th, 2004
Experienced User
Hi shark, sorry to hear about your problem. I wish I could tell you it will get better but the truth is I dont know if it will I am not really familier with bi-polar. I do have a good friend whos husband is dealing with it but by the time he was told that thats what he had she had had enough and they were divorced. The only advice I can offer is maybe when your wife's having a good day you can sit her down and try and reason with her. Let her know that this is taking a toll on you as well and that she needs to get back into therapy so she can be better. And I am sure that the drinking end of it isnt helping her at all let her know that too. I am sure there is someone here that can offer you ssome good advice.Sorry I wasnt more help to you. I wish you the best of luck though..Keep your chin up :d
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replied August 30th, 2004
Bipolar disorder is the form of depressive illness in which the sufferer has periods of being on a high, as well as periods of depression.
Treatment of bipolar disorder is especially important because it affects you, your family, and your work.
Effective treatment is available for bipolar disorder. Treatments include medication, supportive psychotherapy and occasionally ect. Treatment choices depend on the type and phase of the illness.

Please don't stop taking the medication or changing your dosage without talking to your doctor first. Finally, remember not to give up on your medication too soon! It may take up to six weeks to work properly.


Psychologists provide the individual and his/her family with support, education, coping skills training, they also help monitor the symptoms and encourage the individual to continue medical treatment.

Last but not the least your support is very important for her. A good listener is what depressed people need most: someone who will listen, who will not judge or persuade them to come to conclusions they do not want.
You can find out some tips - how family and friends can help?
hope u'll find it helpful
wishes
tina
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replied October 1st, 2004
I'm a Bipolar Wife Too
Sounds like your wife is a little bit like I was. First off she needs help for drinking. She's probably using it to numb the pain of her out-of-control emotions. I would drink sometimes to slow down too. Either way alcohol in my marriage was an inhibitor to becoming well and wreaked havoc on my relationship with my kids and husband. I hate taking my meds, and even until this day I experiment with my dosages once in awhile. A bad idea...It eventually leads me into taking on chaotic adventures and drinking binges. She may be in denial of her diagnosis. I was diagnosed just 9 months ago when I was in a huge depressive slump. I enjoy my highs all too much. I journal how incredibly awful it is when I am depressed to remember why I need to take my meds and that I truly do have an illness. My husband and I have been through a rough couple of years, we've almost been out the door heading for divorce attorneys twice. It would be helpful for you to talk to someone also, a therapist who is neutral and someone you can vent your frustrations to. It is very difficult to love someone with a mental illness, but it is entirely possible. Your wife is going through a difficult time and needs your support. If she refuses help, then you need to do what's best for your family. I really feel for you as I know the difficulties i've put my husband through. But we now are encouraged and have grown closer because of all this. I wish the best for you!
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replied November 4th, 2004
I Understand
My situation is a lot like yours. It can be frightening not know when or why there is a sudden outburst. My wife can be in public and just go off on me and "hate" me as you put it. Then the next day its like nothing ever happened. I have overheard her talking to her mom and her discription of the arguement are "way out there". Her perseption and delusions keep getting worse. Keep trying and love her for the person you know she can be not the person she becomes, and follow your heart.
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replied November 5th, 2004
Been There Am Doing That
Hi I am new here and read your forum on your wife...Your asking will it change...If they stay on their meds and their meds work for them then yes bipolar is treatable...But not to many do and sometimes meds need to be changed. Will she have another manic or will she become depressed the answer to this is most likely yes...It does not go away this is a illness for life....I have been married 28 years to a man who was diagonesed bipolar 2 years after we were married....I have lived with his ups and downs.....He has been on meds but sometimes he will mess with them and this brings on a hypo manic which he loves and then quits his meds all together and becomes manic....I have went through this 8 times in 28 years this time it started in april and I am done....I can not and will not go through this again...Hate, yes he loved me one day and hated me the next. For families this is so hard....It brings so much hurt....It takes and does not give back.....I wish I could tell you everything will be alright but I can not....I do know that you must learn everything you can about this illness, find a good doctor, but still things can happen and they do. Good luck to you and know you are not alone.
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replied December 19th, 2004
to All the Family Members
I have bipolar and lived with my dad who had bipolar until he committed suicide so call me narcissistic but nobody can challenge my experiences, i've been on both sides. I'd like to see you tell someone with cancer that if they can't control their illness that they need to find someone who can make it go away and tell them when they're looking to skinny and pale. So I feel a little defensive although I understand the fear and the inability to predict what a person will say and do next and ultimately controlling your feelings as well. I did live with that. Then the suicide. But, I also live with severe bipolar disorder and know what hell he must have endured and do not know how he lived as long as he did. The only thing is that it makes all us bipolar people feel like burdens and that makes me want to remove myself from my family's life before I destroy them. Oh my god! Tell a scizophrenic that "my god sometimes you people think those people you see are actually real!" jesus christ! If I saw people trapsing around the room I don't care what your intentions of snapping me back to reality are, they're there and I see them!!!! But the sad part is that everyone suffers and there really isn't a bridge between us until the illness is treated somewhat because as i'm saying it now, as the words are coming out of my mouth and onto the screen now, the next time I feel that way, I won't be able to tell myself "these are just symptoms, I wrote about it in the forum" I will feel it because it is real, it consumes me, and to not make others suffer I would have to, and do, separate myself from everyone. There is no answer if someone can't be helped. That is the sad and frightening part. What to do? Even if you know it's a symptom, even if both of you know, the real emotion still remains. I think it's best to get medication and therapy so that you can vent your feelings to a person who isn't personally involved in your situation.
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replied December 30th, 2004
Re: to All the Family Members
kristaleigh wrote:
i have bipolar and lived with my dad who had bipolar until he committed suicide so call me narcissistic but nobody can challenge my experiences, i've been on both sides. I'd like to see you tell someone with cancer that if they can't control their illness that they need to find someone who can make it go away and tell them when they're looking to skinny and pale. So I feel a little defensive although I understand the fear and the inability to predict what a person will say and do next and ultimately controlling your feelings as well.



i am there as well. While I don't live with my father, I see him every day and the way he treats my mother and my family. I understand now, though, that he is not in control over himself. He doesn't medicate and won't confide in a counselor. I am so tired of the people that think it is just ok to leave someone when the going gets tough. I think it is different if you live with someone unwilling to seek help. Even then those people just need to know that there is someone unwilling to give up on them. We just need love and acceptance and a whole lot of it. I have friends saying just pull yourself up and make yourself do it. They tell me that their families just don't let them quit. I am not a quitter. No one is harder on me than myself. I don't cut myself slack for a moment. I just wish there was a way to make people without bipolar see into the mind of someone afflicted with it. The worst thing someone can do to us is leave.

Just my opinion.
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replied January 18th, 2005
Dr Jill Here Lol
Not making light of the situation or anything....I really am not a doctor I am just a screwed up bi-polar wife and mother. I will tell you from my experience it gets worse before it gets better.

You said you have been married for three years and from my knowledge this is a tough year transition that third year almost killed my husband and me then when we entered our fifth I went crazy and did kill us for awhile.

If you read my reply to help my boyfriend memorized my password it goes into full detail but the basic gist of the matter is that I had to go home to get the help I needed. My husband and I seperated because he could not give me the support I needed at the time so I went to my family who was able to get me the help. I came back and so far so good.....Its been 5 months with only one disagreement.

The alcaholism is going to be your biggest battle. As her husband you have legal rights to admit her into a treatment facility. Does it make things better now.....No, but she"ll thank you later after shes sober and has considered what she has been doing to herself and children. Its a tough situation you are in. And I wouldn't wish it upon anyone......My husband delt with me the best way he could and sent me away.....It brought us so much closer than anyone could ever understand. I am not saying it will work for everyone but it did work for us.
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