Not Pregnancy Related, But I Needed to Vent... Posted: 08-17-04 12:44pm
My boyfriend and I started going out in
december of 2002. We went out for 9
months and then he broke up with me out of
the middle of nowhere because his family
and friends didnt like me. He said it was
just to stressful to deal with so he ended
things. Then after 5 months of not seeing
him, hearing from him or anythang...He
shows up at my front door wanting me back.
I took him back like the next day because
I still loved him. After all the hurt he
put me through I still loved him enough to
take him back...No questions asked. Now
we've been going out for 5 months as of
today and lately we've come real close to
breaking up because I just dont feel like
I make him happy anymore. I dont feel
like he wants me around sometimes. then
we talked about our problems the other day
and ever since then our relationship has
been great until yesterday. I just had
this feeling like things were gonna end
for us. I'm to the point to where I love
him so much that i'm so afraid were not
gonna work out and that he's gonna walk
out on me again, and I cant go through all
that again. Then this morning I mentioned
marriage to him and he doesnt want to get
married for a while. We already live
together, we have a joint checking
account, we pay all the bills
together...Were pretty much living the
marriage life. I've given up everythang
for him and now he says he wants to wait
to get married. Just a couple of weeks
ago he set a date for us to get married
next year and then this morning he said he
only did it because thats what I wanted
and he wanted to make me happy even though
he didnt really wanna get married that
soon. Do you think i'm wrong for wanting
to settle down and get married? He said
everybody he talks to says not to get
married at a young age (were 18 and 19
right now). Im not wanting to get married
this year but he says that he doesnt know
how long he wants to wait, and I dont know
if I want to keep giving everythang up for
him and being so commited to him to get
nothing back. He seems to think that
peoples marriages last longer if they wait
til their older to get married. He doesnt
think that young people are mature enough
to be getting married right now. He says
their mentallity (sp?) level isnt that
great so they dont needed to go getting
married. I just think we look at marriage
in 2 different perspectives. I see it
suckers your love for one another in a
much higher form, and that it shows how
commited you are to each other. Am I
wrong for all of this? Are we really to
young to be thinking about marriage right
now? My parents were married at 17 and 18
and theyre doing just fine.
|
linuxChique
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 4535
Posted: 08-17-04 12:56pm
Marriage is hard. I would say wait. I
got married when I was 20, and I know I
wouldn't have been ready for it when I was
18. I changed .A.L.O.T between 18 and 20,
and I needed that extra time.
|
shy_thang04
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 41
Posted: 08-17-04 12:58pm
I know hes the right one for me and i'm so
afraid of losing him, but i'm also afraid
of giving everythang up for him and him
not doing the same for me. He says he
loves me a lot and that hes never been
this serious about anyone before. Im just
so afraid of losing him.
|
nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 08-17-04 13:04pm
You shouldn't rush to get married just
because you dont want to lose him. Thats
not a good reason. Trust me marriage is
very very hard. You might feel like it
because you act like you are, but things
can change. You really need to talk
things over with him because he tells you
things only to make you happy for the
while. You should really stop falling
for it. You are very very young and
there is no hurry. Only 18 and 19 you
have plenty of time to do everything. I
think you should take it one day at a time
and if things fall into place of marriage
then it happens. If not then hes not the
one, not matter how much you think he is.
Sometimes things dont happen how you want
them to.
|
linuxChique
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2004 Posts: 4535
Posted: 08-17-04 13:30pm
I agree. It's not so much that he is or
isn't the right one for you, but its quite
possible that the two of you will change,
and there will be a lot less pressure on
you if you can do your changing together
not married vs. Married. I say wait a
year or two. If you are right for each
other, you'll stay together and nothing
bad will come of this. If you aren't, and
you get married too soon, you'll have to
go through much more pain than if you had
just waited a little while.
|
tweety12986
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jun 2004 Posts: 772 Location: houston
Posted: 08-17-04 13:33pm
Ok I was worried about tryin to marry my
ex boyfriend and he did the same thing
yours is doing pushing the date back and
the whole "people say this and that
thing", and I am glad we didnt get married
because as time progressed he got on my
nerves and I realized he was like a 12
year old, so here I am now pregnant with
his baby, do I still love him, yes...
Always, but I dont want to be with him as
of now. I say you wait and see how he
changes and how u change cause there are
somethings that you are just not gonna
want to put up with in the future that u
might be able to put up with now. Hope
everyone helps you out here. Good luck
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shy_thang04
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 41
Posted: 08-17-04 13:43pm
Thank you everyone. Your all helping out
a lot. We've been living together for 5
months now and in some aspects it just
seems like were married so I dont
understand why hed want to wait. I wanted
to wait at least another year but he said
he didnt know how long he wanted to wait.
Im just really afraid of losing him
because i've lost him before and I dont
want to lose him again. I cant imagine my
life without him. Im just so afraid of
him walking away from me again even though
hes promised me he wouldnt ever leave me
again. He said he realized just how much
I meant to him. After reading everythang
that you all have said and thinking about
a lot of things....I honestly think I need
to let the past go. I think thats why im
so afraid right now, but its hard to
forget about what he put me through. He
doesnt think anythang is wrong with our
relationship at all right now...He thinks
its great. I just have this feeling that
its not and I think its cuz im worrying so
much right now. Anyways....Thank you for
all of your advice and input....Its
helped.
|
babyrae
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2004 Posts: 2957 Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posted: 08-17-04 16:25pm
You should give some time before u get
married. I know a couple whos been dating
for 5 years.. Shes 20 and hes 27 and they
set a wedding date, had their social and
what not.. A month before their wedding
they broke it off and broke up.. Now they
have another date for next year. Be sure
its when u two both decide to get married
and if hes leading u on, make it clear
that ur not gonna wait forever but it also
does not have to be rushed
then
we talked about our problems the other day
and ever since then our relationship has
been great until yesterday. I just had
this feeling like things were gonna end
for us. I'm to the point to where I love
him so much that i'm so afraid were not
gonna work out and that he's gonna walk
out on me again, and I cant go through all
that again. Then this morning I mentioned
marriage to him and he doesnt want to get
married for a while. We already live
together, we have a joint checking
account, we pay all the bills
together...Were pretty much living the
marriage life. I've given up everythang
for him and now he says he wants to wait
to get married. Just a couple of weeks
ago he set a date for us to get married
next year and then this morning he said he
only did it because thats what I wanted
and he wanted to make me happy even though
he didnt really wanna get married that
soon. Do you think i'm wrong for wanting
to settle down and get married? He said
everybody he talks to says not to get
married at a young age (were 18 and 19
right now). Im not wanting to get married
this year but he says that he doesnt know
how long he wants to wait, and I dont know
if I want to keep giving everythang up for
him and being so commited to him to get
nothing back. He seems to think that
peoples marriages last longer if they wait
til their older to get married. He doesnt
think that young people are mature enough
to be getting married right now. He says
their mentallity (sp?) level isnt that
great so they dont needed to go getting
married. I just think we look at marriage
in 2 different perspectives. I see it
suckers your love for one another in a
much higher form, and that it shows how
commited you are to each other. Am I
wrong for all of this? Are we really to
young to be thinking about marriage right
now? My parents were married at 17 and 18
and theyre doing just fine.
