He is right that if they were both 18 years older, it wouldn't matter. But they aren't! The eight years between them now is eight big years. She is just hitting womanhood, and has a lot of life to experience. She is more likely to get bored with him than he is with her! He may want to settle down and not worry about finding the right person anymore, but she is not at the same point in her life. Especially if she is mature for 15, she is going to be a lot more mature in a year or five years -- it doesn't seem likely that he is going to be interesting enough for her. Is this something he is going to be able to deal with?

What is worrying is that he has hit on a 15 year old girl because he isn't able to relate to women closer to his own age. I think you are worried that your friend isn't just immature, but might be something of a paedophile.

I think you are right to be a bit concerned -- if they are in a sexual relationship, it might even be illegal where you are. There are reasons there for that, to protect vulnerable children from being preyed upon by those who don't have their best interests at heart.

Thanks for the reply. I did forget to note that they aren't in a sexual relationship, but my knowing him I don't know how long that will last.

Secondly I know there are laws against it here in texas. Thats why I mentioned that his other friends are worried that he may get in trouble.

Lastly, she was the one who had a crush on him. Three weeks ago when I was visiting home, he told me about a letter she had sent him. He actually showed it to me. At the time he was in the frame of mind "no way, she is way to young, heck she is only 2 years older than my little sister" his little sister is 13, the same as my little brother. So he knows this little age difference. I come back here and he goes for it.

He was telling me how since he got the letter he had to do something. So he went up to her work, she had given him the time of her lunch break in the letter, and they went to lunch. He said he has never talked to anyone as much as he had to her.

I suppose I am with you that those are a big 18 years. She still has a lot of mental changes ahead of her. I know I have changed so much since I was fifteen. I was mature than and am even more so now. I know it may be wrong to hope them apart. I wish I was able to tell him something to let him see this. I know he just has to see for himself.

Also you mentioned that she will more likely loose interest in him then he will in her. I hope your right. She seems mature enough to be able to get out of a situation she doesn't to be in. So in the future if she realizes a mistake. I hope she has the strength to do something about it. I know the longer a relationship goes the harder it is to break out.

Something else I should mention. It's not so much that he hits on younger girls. They hit on him, and he just goes along with it. Every time he meets someone and talks to him he comes to me angry because everyone he seems to connect with is too young. I guess he gave up on his morals to stay away.

We went to a concert once and a girl was talking to him. She was 14 he was 22 at the time. Thankfully he knew better than. A while later he came to a party with me, and one of the girls who is 17 was cuddling up with him while we watched a movie again I believe he was still 22. Since I was his ride hope I told him I definitely did not approve of that. I have known her my whole life. I was 19 at the time and I know she is far to immature for me. She was only two years younger than me. That's is within reasonable limits. So when he told me about the letter and her age and all. I looked at him and he knew immediately I was saying stay away. He told me what I wanted to hear. Know I havn't been home in a few weeks and he went ahead and got with her.

Why does he do this? Why am I the only thing that is able to keep him on track. I know that if he had moved here two weeks ago that they would not have gotten together. I would have been able to talk to him and show him my disapproval after the first informal date. I know he would have told me about it. I could have let him know. He was to far away, and I wasn't able to be his railroad tracks.

What am I to do.

I think your friend has some serious pedophelai problems and if he continues,he will have big problems with the police.A 23 year old man should not be interested in 15 year old girl(yes,girl!!).If they were 22 and 30,the age difference would not be a big deal.At 15,this child has not experienced much of life.She had not gone through high school,gotten a driver's lisence or gone to prom!He's a sicko and you'd do well to keep clear of him.You don't want to be at the wrong place at the wrong time with that one!!Good luck!Patty

I can't put him away. I have known him fo 10 years. I'm only 20. So ten years is a long time to have known someone else. I'm not going to throw away a friend that even though has such a serious flaw has been good to me for so long. I live with him and will for at least another 11 months. Most probably longer than that. I'm just going to have to talk to him about it. I'm going to have to tell him I don't agree with it. I know none of his other friends/relatives have so I have to make a stand against him. I'm not going to throw the relationship away, but I can't just let this get by without him knowing I dissaprove of it. I realize this. He is visiting her and his parents back home, and will be back here in a day or two. When that happens i'm going to bring it up. Its not going to be an easy conversation for me or for him. I'm not going to get mad at him. I'm not going to kick him out of the house until he changes his mind. I'm not going to treat him any different. I'm going to let him know how I feel and let him think about it. I know that if I say its me or her, they always pic the woman. So thats not going to happen. I'm no longer going to support the relationship. It has taken me a while to figure out what i'm going to do. She was over here last night and I said I didn't have a problem with that, but in the future i'm going to have to stand firm and say I really don't want you staying the night here. It is going to be hard for me since I am such a nice person. I can barely say no to the moocher neighbor I know i'll never get any compensation but I still give. I can't say no. I know this has to stop if not for him, then for me. I know it is selfish, this is a hard decision, and I think it has to be this way. I can no longer condone the relationship.

I agree with everyone else and your decision to tell him how you feel. I'm almost 15 myself and i'm sitting here trying to invision dating a 23 year old (my cousin's age approx.) and i'm going 'why the hell would I do that??' from what I hear from adults, i'm a very mature girl, like his gf and I wouldn't date anyone 8 years older than me, not while i'm still in highschool! I've never dated before and I can't imagine having a first date with someone that isn't as nervous as me, doesn't know what to say or do at first. I can't imagine kissing someone who isn't as inexperienced as me (i've never been kissed) it would just be weird.
So, I agree with your decision and wish you the best of luck and courage. If you're close he'll listen. Like you said, you've known him for 10 years, he probably values the friendship as much as you do and isn't willing to throw it away for some 15 year old. I've known my best friend for four years and I can't imagine throwing that away over some stupid relationship.
Be strong. Hugs!

I still dont understand how he or she would want to get together. I probably never will. I just hope he figures it out before trouble comes. Anyways. I'll let you know what happens in a couple days when I let him know. I know everyone hates to miss the end of a story

patty I know you don't know the situation as well as I do, but I hope that in the future you never just tell someone to completely cast away someone that they have known for a long time no matter what the circumstances. There are ways of hinting at the fact and letting someone else figure it out if that is really the best option. I'm sorry to confront you like this, but I feel it is necessary.

I have to say patty, that is the stupidest thing to say. I don't wanna judge, because i'm not that kind of person, but I will say that when someone has said that they value a friendship that much, you don't tell them to cast it aside. Bad advice.

I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else,but people do judge you by the company you keep.If you want to continue a friendship with this person,that's up to you.Patty

My daughter was 15 when she met her first boyfriend he was the cousin of her best friend she actually met him at age 12 through family events she went to with her friend at 15 they decided to go out on a date..They went to movies, dinner,bowling etc..He by the way was 21 so theres 6 years there. We allowed it only because we new he came from a good family. We kept very close eye on her for a long time and he new if he screwed up his butt was ours. As time went on we saw he truley loved her and he was so good to her. He had a full time job and attended college my daughter was also mature for her age as well..She had no interest in guys her age all they were looking for was the weekend to come so they could get laid and high and or drunk she had no desire for any of that. Well she is now turning 19 they are still together and he came to my husband a couple days ago and asked him if he could ask her to marry him. Of course we are looking at a couple years here before they actually do get married we couldnt have asked for a better guy for her and I am happy that we allowed her with caution to continue to see him. I hear nightmare stories from friends who are her age and dating guys there own age and I am thankful I really am.. I am not saying that evry guy is like this parents do need to use extreme caution when there child is dating a older guy so much can happen..Also I was 15 and my first love was also 21 kinda ironic huh..And I am happy to say that we have 3 great kids and will be married 25 years in october..

Hi princess,

i am so happy it worked out for you as well as for your daughter. I know any relationship can work. It is just hard for me to accept it. It has always been seen as immoral to me and my family. Definatly borderline taboo. So now I am living with a guy that doesn't have a problem with it, and practices it. It is really hard for me to look past. I have chosen tonight to talk to him about it. It will be later though, as I don't want anyone else to be here when I do talk to him about it. We have company right now. I'll let you know what comes up.

Well good luck with your talk..I hope things work out well for you guys. Back when I met my husband the age thing wasnt a big deal I can honestely say that I cant remember anyone back then saying anyhting negative about it..When my daughter starting seeing her boyfriend there was a few upsets there were people who made comments including his parents..Telling him if he doesnt stop seeing her they will kick him out,stop paying for his school,etc,etc..In time after a few months that started to fade everyone saw how happy they were including his parents and now things are just wonderful for them..She gets along with all his friends and his family and has been hugley accepted by all of them..In fact when she graduated from high school his parents who live in wisconsin and us in ohio came to her graduation and party along with all his aunts and uncles and grandparents like I said before we couldnt have asked for a better guy for her..Theres always someone out there who is gonna make comments or have something smart to say or someone who doesnt agree with the relationship. You and him have been friends for a long time and I understand your morals dont support what hes doing, but you have to remember this is his life I am sure he knows what can happen if he screws up.Wheather you believe or dont believe this is his decision and as his friend lettting him know how you feel about it isnt gonna hurt but you also need to be supportive for him and by that I mean dont dwell on what hes doing with her or make remarks to him. We dont all agree with what other people do or dont do we all have our own opinions on the way things should be or the way we think they should be thats just how it his..Hes been your friend for a long long time I know you wouldnt want to lose that.

Princess,i'm glad that your situation worked out for you.It seems to be working for your daughter as well.I was being judgemental in mist's friend's situation.Probably interjecting my own experinces into the mix.I dated older guys when I was that age and all they wanted was sex.If that works for you ,fine.I was off base on that one.Hey,even dear abbey is wrong from time to time.Good luck to all of you.Patty

Oh no problem patty. We were lucky for sure and I am sure there are lots of guys out there like the ones we have..But I also know that there are alot out there looking for nothing but sex like you said..And then theres your pedafiles sad but true..I am not saying its right for everyone out there but it worked for us and like I stated in a earlier post parents need to use extreme caution on that..To many weirdos out there for sure..

Well I really dont have much room to talk, im 19 and my boyfriend well he would be 37..So 18 years is a little bit of a difference but I dont see his age when I look at him I just see him and we are in love and happier than ever..People dont always approve of this but if people are happy together then it shouldnt matter..Unless theyre like 40 and 11 then I see some problems

I don't know. I'm only 20 so an 18 year difference is a hell of a difference. I think there are law to protect the younger of the two. I know at 19 your getting more mature and able to make your own decsion, but I feel the older of the two should take the responsible role and say no to even getting together in the first place. 40 and 11 really isn't far from 37 and 19 when you start running it out that far. It just . . . It's isn't right. I asked my friend if he saw me dating his sister, who is the same age difference from me that he is to his now girlfriend. No way in hell. His little sister isn't even in high school yet and i'll have completed three full years of college by the time his sister is a freshman high school. The girls are just too young to be dating guys as old as him. She threw herself on him. I think he should be the responsible adult and say no. I don't care if he hasn't gotten laid for a while. You just don't take advantage of women like that. So what she wants to be with you. It's like the child that looks up to and wants to be with some hot actor/actress. You just have to be responsible and say no.

My friend is still with her. I have told him several time I don't agree with it. I haven't said it in a mean way that would make it me or her kind of situation. I just let him know. It is my job as a friend. I don't think he really thinks about what I told him. He told me "it's too late now. I love her" I don't think it is too late to be responsible break it off and love her as a person.

My opinion and strictly mine. Agree if you will, disagree too. It doesn't matter. To tell you the truth I am curious to here the logic vs morals argument. It can go on forever. To me there are some things that logic can't mend.

I understand completely what you are saying and I would agreed with you up until it happened to me..If one of my friends would be doing that I would consider it gross, but when it happened to me nothing could stop it it seemed like..I dont know its really weird. Ive never felt the way I do about him for anyone..Seriously though it just happened and pretty soon just because he was older I wasnt going to just back down...I figured it this way..I might as well test it out to see how it goes and if it doesnt go well ive lived and learned but maybe this is how its supposed to work..I guess I just like to take the chances..Lol

No it does not matter, one thing i've learned about people is that they do not change significantly with age. You give yourself too much credit. It's perfectly natural, I was 27 and seeing a girl who was 17 she treated me poorly in the relationship and now 4 years later wants to try it out again. Am I going to let her back in my life because she was young then and inexperienced? No &^$% way! Get over yourself and all the lies you've been spoonfed about sex.

Thank you for your wonderfully rude reply. Turns out I never confronted him about it. Turns out it didn't work out for them. Turns out he regrets it.