Getting Pregnant Forum - Considering Conception

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Q: Considering Conception

asked by: Effervescence on August 13th, 2004

New User

Hello everyone! I was wondering if maybe someone could give me some advice. This isn't really a question, it's more of a 'what do you think' kinda thing.

My husband and I are considering conception- or at least considering preparing for conception. I am 22, he is 23. We've been married a wonderful two years. He is graduating college next semester, but I still have three semesters to go. I really want to have a child, and feel that we are really ready to prepare for a bundle of joy. We aren't bad off, financially, and will be moving in with his parents basement apartment so that we can save even more, to start a fund for a house, but he is still unconvinced that we could support a baby. He really wants a baby too, but he's so obsessed with keeping our financial books flawless.. I wonder if he is using finances to cover up other insecurities about having a baby. He was in the army when we were first married, and he said "we'll have a baby when we're not in the army any more- that's no life for a baby" so now he's out, and he says "we'll have a baby when I graduate and have a better job." I have a feeling his next resolution will be "we should wait until you graduate to have a baby, so it's not so hard on you"

maybe I am just trying to rush things, especially since I work in a nursury with ten wonderful babies, maybe it's just my maternal instinct to want one of my own. But at the same time, i'm not talking about going to a fertility doctor right away, or canning my birthcontrol.. Just make our lifestyles more baby-friendly, start budgeting as we would need to for a baby. Also, I have medical concerns that really don't fall under this topic, that might interfere with concieving- obviously I want those taken care of by the time we begin trying.

I want to start trying by next year, but I want to start planning for the baby now- is this being too hastey? We've been discussing this intensly for a while now, but nothing ever gets resolved. What do you guys think? Is it too difficult to have a baby while going to school? Before a house is bought? Before a solid career?? It's so hard to tell myself it's not the right time for something that I yearn for so strongly...

Sorry for the epic novel post

Replies(10)

PattyV

replied on August 14th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Ah,the big "we can't have a baby until we can afford one"issue.I've seen both ends of that one and can only say that this is a choice only you and hubby can make.I have friends who have eight kids,you think they can send all of them to harvard?I have friends who waited until they had the college fund in the bank,then were infertile.You and your husband have to figure out what is right for the two of you.You are the ones that have to live with your choices.Sit down and make a plan,then see what is agreeable for both.Oh,i would finish my degree,there will be little time later!That one I can give advice on,i'm going back this fall ,i'm 40!!!Good luck to both of you.Patty

2ferano

replied on August 14th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Wait! Wait until you and him both get your degrees! I am only saying this because neither of you have very far to go. I have seen way too many girls/women get so close and then decide to have a baby "right now" and then they never finish school. Or by the time they can go back the requirements have changed so much that they have to do it all over again. It is only three more semesters! It won't kill you! You are both still young and have plenty of time.
And with your condition (as I just read your other post) means that you may have to have surgery first anyway. Not necessarily, but maybe.
It would be nice for you both to have a sound education to fall back on. As for the "financially ready" part, good luck! Unless you win the lottery, no one is "financially ready" to have a baby! But, after you have the baby then you become financially ready. If that makes any sense.
Of course, there would be nothing wrong with you starting a baby budget and making your lives more baby friendly, but please, please wait until you both finish school! Please!

Effervescence

replied on August 14th, 2004

New User

pattyv wrote:

i'm going back this fall ,i'm 40!!!

wow, good for you! Congrats! My dad is also going back to school for his degree- he is 49. Good luck with that!

My thinking is that by the time we start the actual conceving process, he will definately be done with school, and I will be so close to being done that I would have my degree before the baby is born. There's no way I could rightfully say we are ready for conception right this very minute, because so much needs to be done before we can even start trying. Ie:we cannot even make love right now, so it's kinda hard to have a baby-i know I need to see doctors and specialists, and those things take time. I want to have a house, with a nursury just for baby-buying a house takes time. As I said, i'm not talking about throwing my pills out the window right this very month, but I do want to prepare, so we are ready when we do eventually throw them out- which i'm hoping will be within a year!

As for becoming financially ready for the baby after you've had the baby, I tried to tell my husband that philosophy... I think he wants to spoil our child rotten, and is afraid we won't have enough to do that until we both have our careers in motion... Little does he know that my parents already have a very detailed and written out plan of action for spoiling all of their grandchildren Shocked

thank you both for your advice, it is greatly appreciated!

2ferano

replied on August 14th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Yes, well spoiling your child is fine, but the truth is they really won't even appreciate it until they are at least four or five. When they are babies, you need to spoil them with love not "money" things. So, tell your husband that!
It would be a great idea though to start budgeting for baby. It couldn't hurt at all! Good luck to ya!

PattyV

replied on August 14th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I agree,too many toys and such usually means later that the kids expect it,not appreciate it.However,you can never give your kids too many hugs and kisses!Do finish your degree,you'll never regret that!Good luck!Patty

pitterpatter

replied on August 15th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

What a coincedence. Effervescence you are in my boat. I'm graduating in december of this year so my hubby and I decided to try for our first this summer. I say it's probably harder if you have a rough pregnancy, but not all do. Also, how stressed out do you think you'll get during the last semester. I figured i'd be okay since I was student teaching and I really enjoy that part of it. I suppose though it doesn't matter most people will either being going to school or working, but it is demanding to study and go to school. How many credits do you thing you'll have to take?

toothclnr81

replied on August 15th, 2004

New User

I know exactaly how you feel! I am 23 and my husband wil be 24 in a few weeks. We are living in an apartment right now (it's not ghetto or anything, it's pretty nice) and have been married for a little over a year. We plan on buying a house next summer. We're just trying to save a little and pay down some of your credit card bills that we racked up while we were in college. It won't come soon enough though! I do want to be in our house when we have the baby- gotta make a nursery. No one can tell you what is right for you and you husband. If you want to have a baby next year- then do it- knowing that it will be hard to finish school . You can do it though! Lots of people do. Hopefully we will be trying next summer as well to concieve! I am all about planning right now- just like you- reading up on everything- making choices. Good luck to ya! Maybe I will see you next year on the pregnancy board! Smile

linuxChique

replied on August 16th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I'm 22 and my hubby is 26. I'm 5 months pregnant with our first child and it was a huge surprise! I thought i'd get to finish school before we started having children, but it didn't happen that way! I'd definitely suggest waiting until you graduate. That year and a half will fly by, and if you have children now, chances are you'll never finish school. I can't imagine going back to school - I don't see myself ever having time to! As much as a blessing as our daughter will be, I wish I had been able to finish school before having her!

Effervescence

replied on August 17th, 2004

New User

pitterpatter wrote:

what a coincedence. Effervescence you are in my boat. I'm graduating in december of this year so my hubby and I decided to try for our first this summer. I say it's probably harder if you have a rough pregnancy, but not all do. Also, how stressed out do you think you'll get during the last semester. I figured i'd be okay since I was student teaching and I really enjoy that part of it. How many credits do you thing you'll have to take?

pitterpatter,
my last semester will be so easy! I am taking the max number of credits now and next semester, and will finish all of my major and minor requirements for my degree by the end of this semester- really the last two semesters will be just liberal art classes that I need to meet the university requirements (foreign language and social studies and music etc.) and both my husband and I are blessed with families (both in the area) that are willing to help. We're probably going to wait to actually get pregnant until at least he is out of school though.

Linux,
thank you for your insight and advice!

Toothclnr,
good luck to you!

-eff

pitterpatter

replied on August 17th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

I say go for it then. If you know you'll be done with school by the time the baby's born and you feel ready then their is no reason why you shouldn't have a baby. Maybe one thing you might want to think about is your career. I had to plan the time of year to have a baby, because i'm going to be a teacher and I also want to make sure that I will have the opportunity to start my career on time too. So I figured I would have a spring time baby and that way I can start teaching in the fall. Anyways, just one more thing I thought i'd bring up.

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