Nah, I never do anything to just please him; I do things by my own will. He's never made me do anything, and i'm not uncomfortable with him touching me. But I just have such a huge fear of pregnancy; he knows that, and he has promised me that he would never do anything to get me pregnant...But I don't think he knows certain things that can and can't impregnate a girl. And I just get very nervous; if I must be cursed with kids in my life, I don't want it to be right now! I'm only 17! I would want it to be later on, so I wouldn't need to endure the gossip and dirty looks of classmates if I passed any while pushing the stroller, if I even chose to give birth that is.
But anyway, my boyfriend knows I get nervous sometimes about him touching me; I always ask him if he's touched himself beforehand, and if he has I follow him to the bathroom and make him wash his hands well. I used to even be worried about dry humping with all forms of clothing on (pants and undies), but then I learned that semen can't get through jeans. So I feel more at ease if we start doing that.
While I don't mind being physical, I don't want a sexual relationship (sexual as in going all the way, not just foreplay), because every time a woman has sex she risks pregnancy even with protection. The fear of pregnancy is just a big turn off for me. I'm not saying i'd sleep with him now if I knew I could not get pregnant, because I know i'm far from ready, but just the thought that he could impregnate me makes me want to avoid the practice even more.
I know humans, mainly men, need physical gratification, and I can provide it somewhat with touching, but I don't think I could handle actual penetration.
I swear if I could i'd get my tubes tied, but my boyfriend likes to scold me for bringing it up, saying that if I did so we could never ever have kids (he is already talking about marriage)...But is that not the point of the procedure? I hate kids, and while I want him to be happy, I don't want to be insane! (if you wish to view more insight into this kids conflict between us, check out my "he wants kids. I don't. What can I do?" thread in the abusive and troubled relationships forum ^-^
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I thank you both for your advice.
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Scaredbaka - is still relieved and hopes to stay that way