Ran Out of Ideas

Well, as tough as it is,your daughter is an adult and can choose her partners.The more you push,the more she will want to be with this guy.I agree,he sounds like a real lowlife,but she is not a child.The best you can do is to be there for her and love her even if you do not approve of her choice.If things do not work out with this guy,just be there to love and support her emotionally,no"i told you so".If she does stay with him,that can be difficult.We have a similar story in our family with my sis.None of us can stand this guy.However,they do have a child together and we all put our party faces on and make the best of it.Just pray your daughter gets this guy out of her system,before there are kids!Hope it all works out for all of you!Patty

Oh, I am so sorry about this! I really don't have any advice since as patty says, she is an adult and will do what she wants. And it is true that the more you push the worse it will get.
I am 25 and would never, ever date a 42 year old man! Especially when his son is 22? I am sorry, but that is disgusting and even though your daughter is of legal age now he should still be labeled pedaphile. I really truly hope that she opens her eyes! Yes, it is frustrating trying to find a mature, good, honest guy these days, but that doesn't mean that she needs to resort to someone old enough to be her father.

I want to thank both pattyv and hotasfrick for you feedback. I agree, she is of legal age. My concern is for my toddler son and my family. As I stated in my original email, this man has had several relationships prior to my daughter. Each time the girl informed him that they wanted to end their relationship, he became upset. In each of these cases the property of these girls got damaged (i.E. Broken car window, punctured tires, windows broken at their homes, ect) reports were filed but no arrest was made becuase of lack of evidence. I obtain this information from a friend in the police department. My concern is that this wack job will attempt to do something that may place my family in danger. I have confronted my daughter on these charges. However, she ignors the comments. She feels like most first love "there is no fault in this person" <sigh> thank you once again. If anyone has any feedback, my ears, mind, and heart is open.

Oh that is just wonderful! Not only is he obviously mentally disturbed, but he also likes to break things! Wonderful! I am sorry you cannot get through to her. It is really frustrating when someone will not listen to you. I am sorry.

You can only hope she sees the light and gets rid of him.She should not ever be afraid to leave someone like that,she should be more afraid to stay!I hate bullies!!! .Best of luck to you and your family,remember,she will always be your daughter. Hopefully she will see what a piece of work this guy is before she gets hurt.Patty

The most important thing is not to shut her out, try to stay supportive and on good terms. That way if she does start to think about ending the relationship, she won't be trapped there because of not having a support network to go back to.

It can be difficult not to tell her what to do, and to put this guy down all the time, but if you do she is more likely to take his side. You are better off saying, "you are a grown up, it's your decision, but we're still here for you."

i disagree though that the age difference is really much of a problem. I know plenty of people almost that far apart, including one couple where it is the woman who is older. I have met a lot of very very fit 42 year olds who are much more attractive and a lot more interesting than your average 25 year old guy. The problem is him being a married, serial adulterer and violent.

My wife and I have taken your suggestions, however difficult it may be. We have set ground rules for her living her and she has agreed. We will continue to be supportive, but pqaying that she uill open her eyes and see right from wrong. Thank you all.

Tha's all you can do!Hope everything works out for all of you!Patty

Well, let me just say that i've seen what happens in relationships like this. My sister was 22 when she got married to a man more than twice her age. I've seen how the age difference can affect this. I don't know how close of a relationship you have with her, but first off I think you should sit down with both her and him and thell them your concerns. Even though it's hard and it's her choice, they both need to realize your concerns. I think that you could say that you love her and that you want the best for her. If this relationship is real love than we will support that. However, I have some concerns how do you think you will be able to deal with being married to eachother when everywhere you go people will think you are father and daughter. My sister hated this part of being married to an older man. Even I have a hard time being around my brother in law because people sometimes think he's either my father or my husband and you get these looks like your a horrible person. My sister has a kid with this man now and it makes it even harder for them. I think you have every right to tell the man that you expect him to respect her and if he's getting into this relationship for the wrong reasons he better back out now. I think as the father I would expect you to confront his intentions. You are her dad and you will be apart of her life. I also think you should make sure that your daughter knows she is loved no matter what decision she makes. Also, after you talk to them I would leave it at that. Once she realizes it's all up to her and her choice is supported that's when realization will probably hit her. My sister went through with the wedding and everything, but she knew how upset we were. She didn't realize what a mistake she made until we finally accepted him. Now she's mad that we still talk to him after the divorce. But that's another story. I wish you luck! This time will pass though.

I first want to thank you for sharing your experience and offering your advice. I have sat down and spoke with her. I have asked to meet this person, it's excuse after excuse as to why he cannot come and meet us. This guy has moved out of his home, and into a mutual friends place. As predicted he has yet to file for a divorce, although he states as soon as he gets the money. The problem I have with her is that she has not taken time out to really think about her decision. She thinks this is so exciting. I told her this morning the reason im disappointed is that she promised me that she would take time out to think about this relationship. To this date, she has not done so. I have presented to her all the scenarios that I could think of (i.E. Pregnancy, financial hardship, age difference, becoming an overnight step mother, dealing with the ex.) she just sit's there like a deer staring in the headlights. I will leave my problems to the lord. Once again, thank you for your feedback.

She's not engaged with him yet right? Atleast you have that on your side. I know it's hard i've seen my parents go through this. I think you are doing the right thing. I would just make sure to stay on top of her and what she's got going on in her life. Hopefully she will turn around and realize what she's getting into. Good luck! And god bless!

They cannot be engaged if he is still married and hasn't even filed for a divorce yet. I would be surprised if he doesn't go back to his wife.

Hey,gonzo.Sorry to hear that your daughter is still involved with this clown.It is very flattering when an older man pays attention to a younger woman and I can see how she would be drawn to him.He sounds very charasimatic and he has her convinced that she is his future.You have done your part and all you can do.As you said, is pray that she sees the light before its too late.If he continues to yank her chain and be abusive,hopefully,she will see that he does not care about her and does not love and cherish her as a man who is truly a man should.Keep reinforcing your love for her,she will always be your daughter.Best to you and your family.Patty