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Angry? Or Depressed? Or Anxious? Or All of the Above?

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I've always had a negative outlook on life. I am taking meds for depression and anxiety, however, I am afraid I am becoming a verbally abusive parent.

My son is 4 years old, he's a great kid, and I get angry at him for the stupidest things - I want to ask for help, I want to stop getting angry, and I want to be a good mother to my son - i'm the only parent he has. He has never known his father.

I haven't always been an angry parent...
I don't know why these last few months i've been so angry.

The smallest things set me off... My son says "i hate you" when I don't let him get a piece of candy at the gas station (which is totally 4 years old), but then he says it when he should - like when I holler at him for something stupid... Like spilling dry cereal on the floor...

I feel so mad at myself for allowing this stupid stuff get to me...
I'm trying to change, I just don't know if I can do it on my own...
I'm the adult, I should be able to handle my own anger and emotions.
I wasn't brought up in an angry home, my parents were wonderful, and I really respect them.

How did I end up like this?
Is it my anxiety? Depression? Just me?
I don't want to be like this... I want to be a good mother to my son, I want us to get along... He's only 4... He's still a baby and I expect him to act like a teenager... It's so wrong of me... Where do I start to change?
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First Helper STLSingleMomma
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replied September 29th, 2003
Depression/kids
Stlsinglemomma, this is exactly how I am feeling tonight and I decided to get on this computer and hopefully get to chat with people just like you. I think that you are doing the best that you can in your situation, I know I am, but it is so hard, isn't it?
I just seperated from my husband at the end of july, and now am a single mother to 2 wonderful kids. And I am so angry! I can't help myself screaming at them and I seem to just flip out. I am on a couple of different kinds of meds for depression and anxiety, but i'm not sure if they are helping at all.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Things have to get better, don't they??
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you......
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replied September 30th, 2003
Having a Good Day...
Hi there...

Having a good day today. Realized that my son is 4 years old, and it really doesn't matter if he wants to wear his clifford jammies to the mall, as long as he wears shoes... It doesn't matter if he wants corn again for dinner, even tho he's had it three days in a row... It doesn't matter if he comes home with mulch all over from the playground, it means he's had a very fun day... It doesn't matter if he spits at me and laughs, he thinks it's a game... It doesn't matter if he wants to wear dirty socks, he'll have a bath later... It doesn't matter if we have cereal for dinner instead of chicken - it's easier and we get to watch tv if we eat cereal in the family room... It doesn't matter if we make a tent in the middle of the floor - we can pick it up later...

I've decided to not sweat the small things...
I've also decided not to be so negative. If he does something I don't like, I won't say, "no" because it really doesn't mean anything - i'll say, "wow, cj - is there another way we can do that?"

it's one day at a time - but once you make the effort to be more positive, it really helps...

I'm sure you're angry at the whole situation, but remember your kids aren't at fault... I haven't been through a divorce, so I don't know what you're going through... I'd say get into family counseling, so everyone can deal with what's going on...

Good luck to you, and to me. Smile
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replied September 30th, 2003
Hi singlemomma,
I think you are right about thinking positive. I am always so negative because I take everything very seriously. I really have to lighten up and try to see the bright side of things. I do have the kids in counselling and I am in counselling although we don't go all together. Next week when they go, I am supposed to talk to their counsellor, maybe that will help. Thanks for your suggestion.
I am glad that today was a better day for you. It definitely was a bad day for me, but I have a few hours to myself tonight, so that is making things a bit better.
I remember 4 as being a pretty hard stage, hang in there and you'll make it. Like you said, it's one day at a time Smile
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replied October 1st, 2003
Stressed Out.... >:(
Yeah, stress is something I don't handle well...
Luckily today is another good day...
Got some awesome feedback at work, and hopefully things will continue to go well.

Time for big bills - rent's due today, and car & renters insurance was taken out today... Not to mention the daycare bills out of friday's paycheck...

Oy!

Payday's next week - can't wait for my day off with my son!!
Going to the arch, to "the lion king" at the theater.... Doing a bunch of fun stuff around downtown.. Can't wait!!!

Want to relax.. :p don't want to cook for a few days. :d
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replied October 7th, 2003
Having a Good Day
Well, things are going well.
I found out that my son's anger is not mine being bounced off of him, it is his general frustration and transition from house with "mimi and papa" to apartment with "just mom".

He's had two great days in a row, and we're going for more!

He put his lazy eye patch on with a couple grumbles, but no major fights, got dressed as long as we played, and got out of bed right away this morning... We have good talks, and when he starts getting "handsy" (pushing, hitting, etc) I say, "okay, we can stop that." and leave it alone. I don't dwell on it, and I am always emphasizing the positive actions he's showing. "look at you following directions the first time! Way to go!" I smile a lot, and really listen to his opinion...

He's very four, and very little boy, so a few "nos" or soft slaps are tolerable, and expected.

As long as he knows the rules before we go somewhere, he's fine. I have to show him the signs that say, "kids must stay with their parents" or else he thinks that it's my rule and not the store's rule. "mom, it's your deal!" rofl.. Smile

we make a lot of 'deals'.
He wants three lollipops, I want him to have one, so he has two.
He wants two cookies right now, I say one now and one after dinner.
He wants to play for ten more minutes when dinner is on the table... I say play for five more minutes then wash hands for dinner.

It's all about compromise at this age, and boy can he negotiate!
Some things I don't negotiate. We don't need chocolate cupcakes.
We don't need another toy. We don't need another bag of chips. We don't need another stuffed puppy. Sometimes there's a whine and a bark and a waaah, but for the most part, it's just a "never" (don't know where that came from... But when he's unhappy he says, "never" instead of "no").

So this is a long one, but it's good. Smile
we're taking a vacation downtown this weekend, staying at a hotel on friday night and seeing a show at the theater... Very excited and anxious to spend some fun playtime this weekend. Smile
have a good week!
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replied October 9th, 2003
Hi singlemomma,
i'm glad you have been having such a good week. Your upcoming weekend sounds like lots of fun, and just a nice break. It's nice to get away from home for a couple of days, isn't it? Do you live near the city, or is it a bit of a travel?
Not this weekend but the next I am going away to a training for brownie leaders in the big city. It will definitely do me good to have a break from the kids and they keep us so busy at these things, that I won't be able to worry about anything.
I am finding my seperation to be a very hard time for me and for the kids. But they say it gets easier! It's hard to believe, but I am trying to keep that in mind.
You are doing a great job with your son, keep it up and have a fun weekend.
Stressed out
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