I think you should talk to him and tell him whats the point of you having the rite to see him if you dont want to see him. He'll eventually relize he's doing wrong but dont do something so drastic until ur 100% shure you want to.

See that's just it, he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong at all! He says he is going to college to make a better life for him and his son....I want to punch him in his fat head! My son, not his. I'm just not sure.

If he dosent know that the only way to make a better life for his son is to be with him then whats the point of him going to college? Has anyone else tried to talk to him maybe that will work!!!!! You never know stranger things can happen. But do try every single possibility

Tell him either u r takin him to court to suck him dry*no pun intended! Lol* or he can sign over his rights...Good ultimatum!

No where near as complex (yet) but himself has just told me he doesn't think he can cope with being a dad. Says he'll be there to support me and the baby, especially financially.
I want to show him how good a dad he could be. But he's scared of 2 things 1) being like his dad and showing no emotion so the child doesn't know if he even cares - not a chance in hell of that happening. 2) he's scared of kids - as in doesn't know what to do / how to re-act when faced with one. I tell him it will be completely different with it being his own.
But at the moment he is scared that he will feel it move - says it's like the film aliens and its not normal to have another human inside.
Bless, I wish I could make it all better for him and show him how wonderful he will be.

Both of yall need to tell them you dont have to be there for him 100% yet you can start little by little until gets so hard for u to be without him

trust me if they spend enough time with thim they wont be able to stand being without them

Well I really think you should wait, until josh really knows what is going on and he can say what he really wants. B/c if you don't and you get his rights terminated, josh may blame you later on. That s just how kids are when they are left out. But as long as you are being the mother that you need to be don't worry, everything will work out.

I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. Just because dewitt signs over his rights to josh, if he does, doesn't mean josh can never see him. It just means that dewitt can't see josh unless you or josh want him too, which is exactly the way it should be. Josh doesn't need to understand whats going on for dewitt to sign over his rights.

Well I think he does. And that's b/c his father signing over his rights, is leaving him without a father, whether he is there for him now or not. At least later on he can say my father is so and so, if even if he is not there for him. Having him sign over his rights means that if anyone asks about his dad all he can say is I don't have one, b/c that is how it will be legally. Also there are finances ,if josh god forbids ever gets really sick, his father could be by law ordered to pay half of any of his expenses. With no rights, he can not be obligated to do that. And what if josh goes to a private school one day, that is not cheap. His father could also be ordered by a judge to cover some of those costs in addition to child support. Without a father he may not be able to go. I say he does need to know what happens, b/c it is his life that is being turned upside down. What if josh does want to spend time with his father one day, and goes to him but dewitt tells him that he is not his father. Or what if josh gets married and wants his wife to meet his father, but wait he doesn't have one. Every time I have said father so far in this post, I have mean birth father.

And maybe she will get married so josh will have an adoptive father then, but he still won't have a birth father. And so what if she doesn't get married then he won't have a father at all. I think josh should make the decision, b/c it is his father and his life no one else's.

Not at all. Obviously, he will always have a father, no matter who his legal guardian is. And you can't use financial obligation as an argument because that is a part of the rights agreement.

See, this is why I am having such a hard time deciding. My mom told me all my life that larry was my real father. And eventually, I had some questions. (when I was 11) and I found out that my father had abandoned my mom when she told him she was pregnant. And I was angry with her for a long time. And I have no father listed on my birth certificate. But I have got a father. But part of me says, he hasn't done a thing for josh, not one. He doesn't even love him enough to come here to be with him. And joosh doesn't deserve that. It's not like I wouldn't tell him that his father is a butthole named dewitt one day, when he is older. But I don't think dewitt should even have the option of taking me to court to get visitation. Do you have any idea what it would be like to put my child on a plane too go 1000 miles away from me? Not knowing if they were going to take good care of him.....If they were going to let him come back home. His mom is crazy like that. I wouldnt be surprised if they ever tried to kidnap him. But thats not really the point. The point is I have raised this baby by myself thus far, and he could just waltz into court any day he pleases, ask for unsupervised visitaton, and get it. And thats not fair! I would much rather have nothing to do with him. And newlife, I went to a private school for 2 years, I know they are expensive. My mom was single and working 3 jobs to support her 3 kids, and still managed to afford to send my sister and I to a private christian school. She did, my sister did/still is doing it. And I know I can do it. I have lost sight of the whole point of this reply, it just makes me so angry that he can do absoloutly nothing. And still be rewarded for it. And he isn't going to benefit josh one bit. The best thing in life he could teach josh is how to play football. He doesn't know anything about respect, or honesty, or responsibility. All traits I want my son to have. And how is he going to learn them from him?! When dewitt is nothing but a disrespectful, irresponsible liar himself who has absoloutly no reguard for anyone else's feelings. I bet he doesn't even bother telling all the girls he sleeps around with that hes got a son who he abandoned. Sorry I am just so angry. I am almost in tears.

Chrissy,

you can control that. You can get dewitt to sign over his rights but still tell josh the truth about his father. That way, josh never gets lied to like you did, he has the ability to make his own decisions when he gets old enough, and dewitt never has the right to visitation or anything concerning josh. But josh will still have a father even if dewitt doesn't have any rights. That was my point earlier. Dewitt signing away his rights doesn't mean josh can't see him if he wants. It just means its your and josh's decision, and never dewitts.

Yeah I know what u mean erin. It just keeps naging at the back of my mind, "he might change, he might change" even though I know he wont. I want so bad for josh to have his father but apparently it aint gonna work that way. I'm just so frustrated and im not sure what I want anymore.

If he changes, you can make the decision then. You can even let dewitt adopt josh back again. But for your safety, i'd assume he's not going to change and get him to give up his rights. You can get it annulled if you want later on, but once he starts sh|t about custody or tries do get you back using those rights, it'll be too late.

Thanks. You're purdy smart erin. I just gotta figure out how I would ask him. Cuz I don't really wanna talk to him and I know he dont wanna talk to me.....And he probably won't anyways....There should be a way to force that! Lol!