Dating Forum - Is He Using Me?

Relationships > Dating Forum > Is He Using Me?

Q: Is He Using Me?

asked by: minerwater522 on August 5th, 2004

New User

I have been 'dating' this guy for about 3 months.
We both work for different companies but we are 'sister companies'. My company owns the one he works in.
Anyway - at first there were so many emails and just regular conversations getting to know eachother.
We went out once as 'friends' and then the next one started our 'affair'. I was with my now ex
when we hooked up and he knew it but I was breaking it off and he was saying to me sweet things like
i am worth waiting for etc..He put in so much effort and said thing like 'cannot wait unitl I can
have you to myself'. As soon as he was able to..It seemed his feelings left too.
He stopped emailing me much and was alwasy too busy. He was too busy to see me, to call me..Anything. He
always has excuses. He would show up late all the time when we actually did meet which was like twice a week to once a week to
now every other week. He goes on abot how much time he has to put into working (is true) and sailing
and he has no time for even friends and family. He asked me to be patient. He says he really digs me and is interested
in more than just the sex (which is now all we do). I heard rumors of him sleeping with another coworker
which he says are just rumors. He always seems so appologetic or kinda 'broken' when he answers
my questions about what's going on. And he never calls me. Its always text or email and I barely ever hear
from him on the weekends. If I do at all. Every time I bring up that i'm only his good time girl
and he treats me like it and he has no time for me and he's making all these excuses, he denies
and usually sweet talks through them all.

I just need some advise. If you need more details or have questions, please ask...I'm trying to figure this out.
Or at least the perspective of some one going through it too or have.

Replies(11)

2ferano

replied on August 5th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Sounds to me like he just wanted you because you were taken, but now that you are his, he doesn't want you. He is not worth it and I bet he is sleeping with that other coworker.
You can do better than that!

minerwater522

replied on August 6th, 2004

New User

I know.I just really like him and he never seems unbelieveable.
I'm a sorry case..

2ferano

replied on August 6th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I don't mean to sound cruel. He just sounds like he is good at what he does, but you really need to lose him. You can do a lot better.

JanetBee

replied on August 8th, 2004

Experienced User

Is he using you? Well, that would only be if he doesn't actually care about you or even particularly fancy you. If he just likes having sex with you, that's not actually "using" you. (it's sort of like a girl meets a guy who goes to great parties, for example -- she might have sex with him, so that he takes her to the parties, i.E. She would be using him!) so just because he is only interested in the sex and not the social side, doesn't mean he's using you, maybe he just thinks the sex is great but isn't into more of a relationship.

But if you want more than that, and it isn't available, then unless the sex is good enough to make that side of it worthwhile on its own, you probably need to think about cutting this one loose!

minerwater522

replied on August 9th, 2004

New User

He admited to me today that he was seeing another girl.
We are going to talk this week.
We weren't commited and I told him he can date whom ever he'd like, just not another girl at work!!

2littlegirlz

replied on September 26th, 2004

Experienced User

Hey I know its late (the post) just wondering how it went Question

your from t.O.Im in burlington we are neighbours. Any way I hope you found someone who is into you and you are happier Wink

janeysuz

replied on July 4th, 2005

Experienced User

Feel really bad for you sorry
you knew all the answers, go back and read your first letter
i hope you realize you can trust yourself more than you do!
You are really smart about yourself, just be courageous enough to do the right thing by it!
When a man treats you right, takes you out, loves you to pieces, adores your very footsteps, gazes into your eyes longingly, brings you surprises, takes time to be with you, pets your head, gives back massages, doesn't mind doing your laundry (and you'll reciprocate all of this) and he's some one admirable that you truly respect and has good character...That's love, you know it when you have it, you know it's not when it's not
there's a great old movie called "groundhog day", and though it may seem irrelevant, andie macdowell plays this part that won't let bill murray get with her until he's right with the universe, until she knows he's a good person, until that time she just slaps his face, to me she's my ideal! I have a great man, and man he treats me so great and special and right I am almost ashamed of all of my past relationships, what was I doing??? I tell you what, I was doing all I knew at that point, and I didn't have good advice...But in your case you don't really need advice you just need to know you're worth the best (you are) and it's better to have your dignity and be alone than be mistreated, and have faith that good things will come to you (they shall)

lilmammi

replied on August 7th, 2005

New User

Re: Is He Using Me?

I know exactly how u feel...My b/f now it seems were going through the same thing..Only we have been together for 3 years....And now I live with him and his famil,,but even though im here I have to go to another part of the house just to find him..I have to beg him to spend time with me or even just to go some where...He usually is on the computer talking to other females or he is on the phone with unknown females who he calls his "friends" but on the other hand alot of the girls that call here I have never heard him speak of. And recently there have been a lot more of them. And when I ask him about these things he just sweet talks his way out of them also. Not only that but the only time he spends with me if when he wants to have sex..And he doesnt say it but I know,,cause thats what it always leads up to. Just once id like for us to jst watch a movie and cuddle with out having sex. Alotta of the time I think he is using me..He says he loves me and all the this...But he loves to talk about other women and for me to just get a compliment I have to ask how do I look and he just nods,,but he'll look at some one and be like damn she is cute or somthing...And this really hurts my feelings. But I mean im kind of going through what u are...Just in a much deeper way. So it does seem like he is playing u and it's best if u stop it now or you'll end up like me...Depressed and wanting leave.

sandyallen

replied on August 7th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Haven't you heard men have a thing called ego, it is all about them, do not get me wrong, I am not saying all of them are bad, it took me three marriages and then I found a good one and I do realize that their are a lot of women that are just as bad as men.
Something happens in our lives, or we get lonely or we are swept off our feet because we feel this certain guy is mr. Right (sometimes a joke), or sometimes we feel sorry for this guy or feel that we can change this certain someone and a lot of times it explodes in our face, so we sit there and take it and they make us feel so low and that we caannot get anybetter than them instead of getting the heck out of the relationship, moving on, taking a break. Their are times that it is nobody elses fault but our own. The part I really like is when they say that they will change, I always feel like saying what, your underwear, no, some do but most only change for @ the max, 3 weeks tops and you are always wondering when they will change back. Another thing I see in most relationships going wrong wrong is lack of communication.
Good luck to all relationships!

lilmammi

replied on August 10th, 2005

New User

[quote=" that is sooo true I try to talk to my b/f but he just tries to ignore me or he'll start to get really angry so I try to walk away so we both can calm down so that we can talk about the situation like adult..But he gets mad when I walk away....

Banger

replied on August 11th, 2005

New User

Wow get out of this. I once dated a loser just like this guy and trust me you'll be happier when you're too busy with your own life to care about his busy life. And go out and get the book he's just not that into you, not because of what the title says but because I can tell you're too good for this no-gooder and by reading the book you can avoid all the potential loser types out there who are always lurking about for the next victim.

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