I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and we have a wonderful relationship, but with every relationship there comes obstacles. Now i'm not saying i'm flawless, because i'm far form it, but there's something he and I have been debating the past couple of days and i'm wondering if the problem rests within myself or him, or both of us.

He's my first boyfriend, so our relationship progressed very slowly - I didn't let him kiss me until we'd bee together for six months because I was shy. But we've made a lot of progress since then. Just recently, I made a small advance on him, with some (try to not make this sound disturbing) intimate touching. But then I kind of freaked out because deep down I sort of didn't want to touch him in that way just yet. In all honesty, I was just sort of scared he would get tired of me so I tried to force myself to do something.

I know he wants more of my touch, but I told him no more for a while. See, my family never expressed love openly, so i'm still adjusting to it. Also, my mom has no clue we're dating, so my lying to her kind of deters me as well. So after come compromising, we decided that every month, we would have a "rule-breaking" day, where we would forget our [mine mainly] boundaries. This made him happier, but a month is a long time to wait for him. I'm just not big with touching, and it doesn't feel right to me, whether i'm doing the touching or i'm being touched.

He also complains sometimes that I can't confidentally say i'd marry him (note, we are both 17). I love him very dearly, but I don't want to think about marriage for a long time. I mean, yes i'd love to marry him, but it's just too soon for me to think about it. He tells me that he "wants to find out now if i'd commit to him so he would know if our dating was a waste of time or not". He wanted a worthwhile relationship when he was a teenager so he could have a guarantee for one in his future.

But what do you guys think? Am I being too slow, or is he going too fast? Is there any way I can help my situation?

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Scaredbaka