Medical Abortion Forum - Please Help, Advice Needed

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Q: Please Help, Advice Needed

asked by: ohboy on July 29th, 2004

New User

Hi all,

how are you all. I am going to explain my story.

Ok I am 23 year old male and have been seeing my girlfriend now for about 3 months. She is 25. We are both in very demanding jobs with a lot of stress and I feel this may contribute the problems.

Six months ago she ended a relationship with her ex partner after she discovered he had been cheating on her over a period of six months. They were together a year. She now finds it very hard to trust men (me)

prior to the split she discovered she was pregnant. She was very against abortion up until that time. Her ex wanted nothing to do with the child , and by the time she discovered she was pregnant she had about 3 days to make up her mind before an abortion would be to late.

She lives three hours away from her family/home and she decided that there was no way she could bring the child up alone, she had an abortion.

Money is tight for her also and she worries alot about paying bills...

The reason I am writing is that she has become so depressed and angry about what she did. She hates herself and feels so guilty .

This is seriously affecting our relationship. Her mood swings are incredible, she is so down much of the time. I am bending over backwards to help, I have spent hundreds of pounds paying bills and buying food etc to try and stop her worrying about money. I run about after her and do anything she askes but she has become so distant from me. She worrys I am going to leave her and I reasure her as much as I can but its getting hard for me now to keep giving giving giving and getting nothing in return. She wont talk about about her feelings unless its in a text message.....

Can anybody give me advice or help me to understand how she is feeling regarding the abortion., I hate seeing her like this and she has changed so much from a happy caring loving person into a stranger.

I want to help her before this drives me away.

Sad

Replies(7)

2ferano

replied on July 30th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Well, she either needs to see a counselor or open up to someone. Anyone, really. Do any of her friends know? Can they help her? If she has problems communicating with you face to face, ask her to write her feelings down in a letter and give it to you. At least it would be communication. But, really, try to get her to open up to someone. She really needs to.

sparklypixie12

replied on July 30th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I agree. She definetely needs help-perhaps she's feeling guilty because she made the wrong choice or perhaps she feels that she made the wrong choice because she was forced to do so by her ex.

Her concerns about trust, money etc are adding to the distress she clearly feels over the abortion. I suggest that you sit her down & talk to her-give her a chance to tell you how she feels-if she gets upset then at least it's a way for her to release some of the pain that she's feeling. Suggest counselling & be as supportive as you possibly can-it's going to be hard for you to to see her like this but help out as much as you can. The fact that she's away from her family is going to be hard to-perhaps she has no one she feels she can turn to & is trapped in her own thoughts.

She may be suffering from post-abortion syndrome-some of the symptoms are what you note-deterioration of self-esteem, disruption in interpersonal relationships and sad mood.

With your help, patience and some counselling your partner should begin to feel more like herself & be able to discuss her fears,worries & regrets.I hope you manage to work it out
best wishes

purple333

replied on July 30th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

She really does need to talk to someone - probably preferably a woman who has had an abortion - who can better understand emotional/hormonal aspects etc than you - also while it is wonderful that you are being so helpful - it is possible that by paying bills etc she feels that you are doing this out of guilt & thus it is proof that you are like her ex - cheating - unfortunately people who cheat often buy gifts do "nice" things to cover up!! This may be playing on her mind - especially if her ex did anything "like" that!!

Also couples counselling might be a good idea - but first a counsellor for her - even if she came on here & talked to women/girls who have been in her shoes or at least had an abortion & can in some way relate. Would she do that??

After my abortion (due to medical problems of the baby) I couldn't bare to be touched (not even have my husband hold my hand) for months as it made me think of sex>>>being pregnant>>>abortion>>> my lost son>>>guilt>>>>emotio nal pain etc etc etc>>> also fear that if we made love & I fell pregnant I might have to go through it all again!!

brezzy87

replied on October 18th, 2004

Experienced User

I Felt the Same Way After Mine

I was 14 when I got my done and I am now 17 and im still going through a hard timw with it same signs and as the years past I have gotten to my self to move on some days it comes and goes how I feel about the baby and the babys daddy I think of it every day and it is hard she does need some help and mayb some meds that I am taken help a hole lot its prozact and wel-burtion

nippz

replied on October 19th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Well it's normal for her to feel like this. People usually result in a lot of guilt when it comes to abortions. Just try to be there for her and help her get throughit. It might be a long process, but anything will help.

2ferano

replied on October 28th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Just a clarification. I am not starting a debate here, but I do have to say that feelings of guilt are not usually felt.
Yes, some people do feel them and she needs to talk to someone, but it isn't "usual"

jenn_smithson

replied on November 15th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

I would suggest that she sees a doctor. Depression and mood swings are indicative of a possible chemical imbalance which can result in a pregnancy. During a pregnancy your body is going through hell and hormone levels spike and fall. Even after pregnancy (either ended by abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, or birth), these levels may not return to normal and she needs to see a doctor or a psychiatrist to be able to get the proper treatment to bring them back to normal. Going to the psychiatrist would probably be best as they can not only prescribe the proper medication but can also talk to her if she's having trouble communicating with someone.

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