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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 22
Location: u.k
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Please Help Me
Posted: 07-28-04 21:41pm
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Hey my name is jenny. I may of posted on
this forum before but I can't quite
remember. I do have a history of
depression from when I was about 12 (i am
now 16) but recently i've become very
extreme with my moods and emotions.
Basically, what is triggering it all is my
boyfriend. He keeps thinking about this
pornstar called chloe dior and he keeps
imagining i'm her. It's kind of
embarassing to tell you all this but he
also tells me to do stuff when we have sex
which she does in her movies. I swear, it
is tearing me apart.
Most people would probably put up with
this but I am so sensitive about my body
and a while ago I posted in the eating
disorders forum with an ongoing problem
which hasn't improved. My self harming
has worsened because of my bf's actions
and tonight, due to an arguement and me
stupidly researching what this woman looks
like and stuff has caused me to cut my arm
very badly, as well as my chest, breasts,
stomach and legs. All the cuts are fairly
deep and I can't stand the fact that i'm
doing it.
I also overdosed a few weeks ago because
of my boyfriends thoughts about other
people and desires of things that im not
and ended up in hospital. This is about
the fifth overdose i've ever taken, only
this time it was alot more serious than
the other times. I hate my situation and
I cry all the time. I feel sick when I
think about any other female and I want to
lose weight desperately so I satisfy what
he wants. I hate myself which fuels my
depression.
I need to be happy again. I can't stand
feeling this way. I don't sleep anymore
either. It's 4am right now and i'm not
even a tiny bit tired and I feel this way
almost every night. It leaves me trapped
with all the awful things he thinks and
makes me hate myself even more.
Please god help me. I don't know how to
smile. I've tried breaking up with my
boyfriend but I can't. I just constantly
want to be different and inflict pain on
myself because of the situation i'm in.
Please help me.
Thank you so much x.
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Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Posts: 26
Location: USA
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Posted: 07-28-04 23:10pm
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Hey talk to me jenny my email is na
ughtyboy_nc69@yahoo.Com please dont
hurt yourself anymore ok u dont need to
do that no guy not worth hurt yourself
over for u have someone here for u no
girl or woman needs to hurt herself I be
here jenny looking for replys
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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 22
Location: u.k
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Posted: 07-29-04 07:31am
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Thank you so much for the support
*huggles*
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney
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Posted: 07-29-04 09:22am
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Is there anyone (family, school
counsellor, community health worker) that
you can talk to?
You do need to get away from this guy -
he'll be the death of you & I mean
that literally - are therre any family
members you can go & live with who
live a long way away?
What things do you like or would you like
to do? I ask this because if you can get
involved with things that you enjoy &
which fill your time you not only have
less time to hurt yourslef etc but also
you may start to feel better about
yourself.
Pm me if you want to chat - i'm a parent
of a 16 year old girl who is very stressed
out for a numner of different reasons to
you but I see what she's going through
& I also remember how hard it is to be
16.
You are worthwhile, you deserve a great
boyfreind.
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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 22
Location: u.k
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Posted: 07-29-04 10:12am
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Thank you so much. There are people that
I can talk to - mainly my best friends but
he thinks about them so it's just a
reminder of it all. I have seen a
councellor many times before at the local
hospital and my parents are there for me
but I find it hard to talk about because
it's such a sensitive matter.
My boyfriends mother is actually being
really supportive towards me because she
knows he has issues and she says she isnt
on anyone's side and she wants to be there
for me.
Everything is reminding me of him and
reminding me of all the pain so whatever I
do I just seem to end up being upset
again. I will try to occupy my time a
little more than I do now if you think it
will help. Right now i'm willing to try
anything.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney
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Posted: 07-29-04 10:55am
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Talk to me then - either here or you can
pm me.
Is there anyone you could go & stay
with to get away from this guy & from
all the things that remind you of all this
bad stuff?
What things are you (or do you think you
might be) interested in? Maybe if I had
an idea of your interests I could suggest
positive (note positive!!) things/ways to
get your thought patterns & so your
behaviour to change.
I understand about it being hard to talk
about because it is sensitive & some
people are so ready to judge etc which
doesn't help 
. But the things you need to ask yourself
are
- do I want to stop acting like this?
- do I want to keep getting treated badly
by a guy(this one or another one)?
- do I want to end up dead or do I want to
live?
- am I going to take positive steps to
change my life for the better?
- if yes, then where/how am I going to
start to do this?
Any questions you can't answer etc - ask
for help.
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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 22
Location: u.k
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Posted: 07-29-04 12:15pm
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Well he lives quite far away anyway (about
40 minute drive) but there isn't really
anyone I can stay with. The only person
is mybestest friend which, to my knowlege,
he's never had a thought about.
My biggest interest is by far my art and I
think that's probably the best way to help
me distract my mind. I do art all the
time and when I do it I focus on the art
only and forget about everything else.
There isn't much else i'm especially
interested in but my family has promised
to take me out more this summer as they
are aware of my emotional problems at the
moment.
I do want to change this way of living and
I really desperately want to be happy. I
just can't leave him though and I don't
know why. I know that eventually i'd get
over it and move on but I think i'm always
going to be a weak person who people take
advantage of. The only way to rid my life
of him is to break up with him and I just
can't. I've tried and tried but I crave
being with him....And I don't even know
why. It's such a hard and stressful
situation to be in. As already suggested,
the only things I can really do for now is
focus on myself I suppose.
I don't think i'll ever forget this though
and it's sad that at 16 i've already been
emotionally scarred by a guy.
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Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Posts: 26
Location: USA
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Posted: 07-29-04 15:21pm
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Jenny I feel sorry for u but u dont need
to let this guy ruin your life look if hes
thinking about some one else wile making
love to u I wouldnt make love at all u got
to stand up jenny I know its hard to know
u love someone and if they treat u like
this u can walk away im sure there others
better I wish I had a girl that willing to
do anything for me that loves me everytime
u just dont need to go all this far for
him hope u feel better and care about
yourself no ones worth dying over u got a
life ahead of u take care ok and ty for
the huggs :d
larry
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>?¿_BaByGuRL_?¿<
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
Posts: 54
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Posted: 07-29-04 22:27pm
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Oh sweetie! No guy should make u feel
like that! Have u tried talking to him
and telling him wat he's doing to u? Have
u told him ur not happy?
Your beautiful and u should never compare
yourself to other people, or want to
change something about yourself because of
wat ur boyfriend says.
Please dont hurt urself  your worthy of
being happy and being in a happy
relationship.
Im here too if u wanna talk
xoxoxoxoxo
p.S ur not weak.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney
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Posted: 07-30-04 00:23am
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Please look into cbt (cognitive behaviur
therapy) often colleges, hospitals,
medical centres etc run them free or at
low cost) this would (if you let it)
change your way of thinking & free you
to be a happier person & let you live
the life you deserve.
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Spoike
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2004
Posts: 22
Location: u.k
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Posted: 07-30-04 07:26am
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I will look into it and see what I think
if you think it'll help.
Thank you all so much. I have spoken to
him many times about it and he is aware of
how much is upsets me as he has seen the
cuts and was also the person who took me
to hospital after I overdosed because of
it all.
He sent me an email last night saying that
he loves me and only me and he's sorry for
allowing his 'sex drive' to control him.
Unfortunately he said that he sometimes
prefers these 'thoughts' about pornstars
etc over being with me which is just
devistating.
Thank you all for the help *huggles* it
feels so much better to know there are
people who I can talk to about it who can
loook at it from a different perspective
and give me comfort and practical advice.
You have know idea how much I appreciate
it ^.^
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san54
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2003
Posts: 227
Location: Virginia
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Depression
Posted: 07-30-04 09:31am
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Jenny, you are only 16. You don't need to
have sex, to feel or experience love. You
certainly do not need your boyfriend, if
he is asking you to do things that you don
not want to do. They teen years are a
very stressful time for some. And you do
not need anything added to it. Please get
help and dump your boyfriend now before
you regret it for the rest of your life.
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>?¿_BaByGuRL_?¿<
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
Posts: 54
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Posted: 08-01-04 00:50am
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Im glad you found this forum, were all
here 4 you *hugs*
i hope ur well
xoxoxoxo
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Haley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Feb 2004
Posts: 122
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Posted: 08-10-04 00:26am
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I don't know much about cutting but cbt
cured my panic attacks and got rid of my
extreme anxiety so you may want to give it
a try.
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lollipop4u
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jun 2004
Posts: 79
Location: pottsboro
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Don 't Put a Person In the Place of ...
Posted: 08-10-04 02:42am
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God for that is idolotry which is the 2nd
of the 10 commandments . And, that 's
exactly what you have done with this " man
" . However, he is mentally sadistic an
gets a psychological thrill everytime he
humiliates you . Now, let me see if you
can answer this one ! Are either of you
living your lives as god intended ? God
respects you because respecting someone is
part of loving that person . How then,
do you thank him by self - mutilation ?
That is an offence to god and one last
word ... That body doesn 't belong to
to you it belongs to god he made it and
then breathed the soul into you ... And
how did you repay him ? By imitating
christ ? No, no, you and your " friend
" seem to have made another choice . It
none of my business . Two kinds in the
world those who care and those who don 't
. Which team are you on ? One last
thing I don 't fear you if you are on the
opponents side as god is everything and
the devil is nothing . The only one I am
concerned about pleasing is the man
upstairs !!!
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TP
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Aug 2004
Posts: 3
Location: Indiana
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If You Need to Talk
Posted: 08-10-04 06:27am
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Hello, jenny. I have some knowledge of
what you are going through. You are at a
very hard stage of your life. At that
age, I was very similar to youself. I
would like a chance to talk with you. Do
you have yahoo messenger or anything?
How do your parents deal with this
situation?
There is a saying I do believe is one to
live by. It will seem very confusing at
first, but take your time and really focus
on this. Then, try to put it into effect
in your life. The results will prove the
validity.
You will remain the same
unil the pain of remaining the same
becomes greater than
the pain of change
(please send me a pm.)
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003
Posts: 3717
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Posted: 08-10-04 07:40am
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Jenny....You really need to leave this
psycho that you are with. If he wants to
be with a porn star then he needs to go be
with a porn star. You know some people
(like him) get so addicted to porn that
they cannot even have sex with "normal"
people anymore. It is a disease.
Besides if he is with you and if he loved
you then he wouldn't be looking at porn
anyway.
Stop hurting yourself! He is not worth
it and you are beautiful! Just because
he is seriously ill and is making you feel
worthless does not mean that you are.
Love yourself. That is the first step to
being happy. It doesn't matter what
anyone else thinks or says, and it doesn't
matter if you look like the models in
magazines. Let me tell you a little
something about them. Those
pictures....Airbrushed. They also have
personal trainers who make them work out
all of the freakin time, personal chefs
who make them yummy and healthy food,
makeup artists and hair stylists. If
they lived like you and me they would look
like you and me! If we lived like them
we would look like them!
You are beautiful just the way that you
are and since psycho boy cannot see that
you need to leave him in the dust. But,
you should really get counseling. Just
so that you can talk this out and deal
with it and have someone to listen/help
you.
Lolli....How dare you come on here and
judge! If you really are so godly then
you know it is not your place to judge!
This girl needs help and is in danger of
hurting herself and you have the nerve to
come on here and say those things? That
is not very christian.
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southcoach
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2004
Posts: 65
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Posted: 08-11-04 16:56pm
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Hey, the root of the problem is the
boyfriend. Him knowing that what he
does hurts you, and he continues to do it
is unacceptable. Once he learned of the
harm it caused he should have stopped.
If he cannot love you for who you are and
make love to you because you're you and
not a porno star then you have no business
being together. You're worth it and you
should care enough about yourself to be
with someone worthwhile. Many girls I
know won't leave their guy because they
don't think they will find anyone better.
Well you seem like a sweetie and I
guarantee that you will. Just be
patient and have confidence in yourself.
"if
you always do what you've always done,
you'll always get what you've always got".
Hun, if
you stay with this guy it will only get
worse, he has already demonstrated his
disrespect for you. If you don't make a
change this will keep occurring and your
depression will worsen. Dump the guy
and take some time and talk to someone.
You will feel better in time!!! Good
luck!
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qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003
Posts: 264
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Posted: 08-12-04 16:22pm
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Dump that guy 
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004
Posts: 1103
Location: Chicago area
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Posted: 08-13-04 10:12am
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Any man who does not make you feel loved
and cherished does not deserve to be with
you!!I have posted to you in another forum
and I still feel he is the unworthy
one,not you!!!He must feel insecure if he
needs to constantly remind you of how he
wants to be with a porn star.Let him go be
with one!If all he wants is some sex
machine who will not give him any
conflict,just submission,he needs a
blow-up doll,not a girlfriend.Please get
help somewhere,anywhere!Don't hurt
yourself to try to get his attention,he
does not care.He is only trying to control
you.Most control freaks are very scared
people,and afraid of losing the very
people they are alienating.Not a
professional opinion,just an
observation.Please help yourself,you have
so much to give to the right
person.Believe in yourself and everything
is possible!!Best of luck to you!!1patty
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