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Spouse of Bipolar-in-denial, Seeking Support

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July 22nd, 2004
My dh, I believe, has bipolar disorder type ii. This plays havoc with our marriage and family life. We have been to about 6 therapists and while some will admit to me privately that dh has a serious mental illness, none will ever confront him directly. He believes he has big mood swings, but he is a master at finding and believing in endless "good reasons" for them that lie outside himself (and tend to be my fault). We have very young children so leaving is not an option.
I have found some good books that have helpful suggestions for the spouse if the bp person recognizes the illness, but no books or articles or support groups if the bp person is in fierce and hostile denial of the illness. Can anyone point me in the right direction? I desperately need helpful advice about how to have things go as well as possible given the difficult circumstances.
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purple333
replied July 26th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Check out dynamind.Com & things like ces or sound/light machines & see if maybe you could get him to usee one of these, my dh will never listen or accept advice or take meds or anything - but he was getting migraines & so finally agreed to try my ces machine & hey presto now he wants one too!!

These machines may not solve your husbands problem & in fact may not be of use but I think it could be worth looking into as they help depression, pain, migraines, sleep disfunction, anxiety, suicidal thoughts etc etc so if he has any pain or something that you could get him to use one of these for (or if you have a problem which you could use it for & let him see the help you got!!) then maybe it would also help in other ways.
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TO
replied October 9th, 2009
This is the best and only advice you should listen to. i've been married 26 years and have been in exactly your same situation. Get divorced. I am doing that now and should have done it 12 years ago when the first hospitalization of my wife occured. your spouse will make your life a living hell and it gets worse and worse as time goes on. I was allways thinking "we'll she'll get it this time" after each and every hospitalization. guess what? When denial is part of the formula they never get it and before you know it they have ruined and family and freinds relationships you ever had. So save yourself and YOUR sanity and get out as quick as you can. there is credence to the saying "you can't reason with a crazy person"
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RobertFromCanada
replied July 8th, 2011
Denial in BP - Enough is Enough
I agree fully with TO. GET DIVORCED. Mine was a 17 year marriage & 23 year relationship. It is hard to reconcile that I have WASTED 1/2 of my life. At least, I got out. The ex-FIL is spending his last years trapped in a room with the BP, BPD vulture MIL continuing her torture. If you even say BP & genetics to the wife or MIL, the malfunction is incomprehensible. Get a divorce & try to find a normal healthy individual to spend your time with. Life is too short, we may go to hell soon enough.
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mommymellc
replied October 19th, 2011
i have a small child and i am worried if i get a divorce he will have visitation and he can be neglectful and mildly voilent. any suggestions as to how to deal w/ this? he hasn't been "diagnosed" w/ BP but i am trying to get him to go see a psychiatrist both his pcp and a counselor we saw suspect a mood issue and urged him to see one but he wouldnt' go. he is in denial as well and i been battling this with him for 7 years. everything is always my fault and never his he never takes any responsibility for his actions. i am so worried about the emotional and physical well being of my 4 yr old
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philll
replied January 12th, 2012
I hate to say it but you must leave him (go your own way)
My mother has the illness as far back as i can remember,shes been hospitalized 43 times for bipolar ,Everytime i say to her to lissen to my i can help and everytime she says i,m grand theres nothing wrong with me she ends up in hospital..if i was with a girl i really liked n she said to me she had bipolar i would walk away ....i,ve served my time in that illness
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Barto
replied January 15th, 2012
Wow, I hate to say it too but I agree with everyone. I know its not easy, but until youre gone, youll be drowning in sorrow.Its that simple. They WILL bring you down with them.
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