Hello everyone, I just got registered.I'm borderline, although some symptoms suggest bipolar, I have insomnia and s.A.D, wich puts me in a small school.Its usually for people who get into trouble and some people would think "small school? "special" or "retarded" kids..." but no, its just a normal private school.My entire life ive had bad, bad depression and I remember crying over anything and I have always been sensitive, but when it came to fighting I couldn't do it for my fear of people and so I kept everything inside and ive never really emotionaly leaned on anyone I would lock myself in a room and cut myself or cry nonstop because I had so much rage and sadness I didn't know what to do with it.Even when I got angry I would cry.Does anybody think that being bipolar all your life or bad depression can give you insomnia? Or either the other way around?I know that people say often (maybe even doctors) that you have bad sleeping habits or you think too much causes it, but thinking does not keep me awake and when im in bed I never really thought, especially anything that would be so bad to keep me awake.I wouldn't be able to sleep even if im mentally and physically exhausted, and my mom would give me sleeping pills like benadrill and pms but it would make me even more sleepy but would not help whatsoever.Ive never been able to sleep and ive always had depression although now I take sedatives.

Of course every bipolar or borderline always feels guilty,sensitive,alone and abused so thats nothing new :p.

There was something I needed to hear about from anyone on here he has had the same experience.: when my doctor began giving me medication for depression it wouldn't work untill months after so months later I realized that I felt so much like a machine at first because instead of emotionaly bent and distraught I was just going through the motions all of a sudden and I couldn't feel anything really.I couldn't get angry, I couldn't cry,i couldn't laugh or even have fun.So scared and confused I told my doctor about it planning to drop the medication, luckily she insisted that it will soon change and did not allow me because now after years of taking it still I would have regretted dropping it.I take wellbutrin. Is there someone here who takes this or has had this experience?

I also feel kind of stressed after taking the same dosage for 3 years because its like im becoming ammuned to it, like I need to take higher doses because I am starting to feel the effects of my disorders.Should I ask my doctor about it? Has this happened to anyone before?


Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.I hope I get to help someone as well, maybe even get to know them.