I am in love with a man whom I dated for three months...It was great! Then he started to become stressed about going back to work, completing his home, spending time with his kids on his occassional weekends at home. This is when he told me that he didn't want to be unfair to me and let me go. I didn't understand until I found out he was bp. He has a lot on his plate. He said that in the fall we could get together to talk about us. I am trying to give him his space because I know that he is not himself right now. He was scared that things were going so well. His last wife left him for another man due to his fluctuating moods. He is scared of this happening again. How can I make him see that I understand and don't want kids etc like he thinks I do. He has pushed me away probably so he wouldn't hurt me bc he spends so much time away over the summer and he doesn't work in the fall. Therefore his stress decreases. I am in love with him and want to continue the relationship but how do I approach him and when? I have been doing a lot of research about bp and I myself live with depression. I felt we really understood each other. Does anyone have any advice for me? I know that I meant a lot to him by everything that he said to me. Help.
I am willing to be there for him through everything. This does not scare me. I have some amazing friends and they have stuck by me through my depression. He does not admit he is ill. I mean he knows but he does not think he needs treatment. He has been hospitalized once that I know of years ago. But he refused to take his meds.
He is 44 and he thinks that people will treat him different. Old fashioned is what I think. He doesn't realize that people do know.
I really care for him and want to let him know that I am there for him but I will respect his space for a few more weeks. I don't want to pressure him. I know he broke if off because he wanted to protect me from his mood swings, but I don't care cause I know who he really is. How do I get him to see that. Should I call him just to say hi. Not talk about anything other than small talk? Help
i actually did call him a few times, for me, I did miss him. I kept it short. I have decided that I will just keep in touch as a friend. He offered to call a carpenter for me to fix my window, which I thought was a good sign. He does think about me. He wouldn't do that if it was over totally so I will be his friend and when and if he wants to talk to me on his time that would be great. I thought about writing him a letter...Is that a bad idea. That way he can read it on his own time and responds if he wants to. What do you think?
I waited and called him yesterday to go and get an item that I had left there and it went great. He had visitors and invited me in for a drink. I sat there for about 1/2 hour. He treated me just as he did when we were dating. I caught him looking at me a few times. I know he still has feelings for me. He then walked me to my car. We stood there and chatted for a few minutes. I wanted to much to ask him for a hug but I didn't want to pressure him. He would never make the first move...He would never pressure me either. Next time...If things go well I will make a move. But from talking to him he still needs time. I know it is not over and in the fall I am hoping that he will have slowed down enough to talk about us. I wrote the letter, the counsellor said to keep it light, but to let him know how I feel and let him respond on his own time. I miss him soo much. When do I send the letter??????
I am having a hard time with the whole break up. It has been two months and he doesn't even seem to notice. Of course he is busy and I am not. I haven't sent the letter because I think it is too soon. I also agree that I can't make him see anything. I need to not call at all until his birthday which is two weeks from now. His sister invited me to a b-day party/housewarming for him. I think I will go, but won;t call him until then. I need to concentrate on myself too. I miss him soooo much. I have been reading a lot of posts and reaize that he may be protecting me from his mood swings, how can I let him know that I would care for him no matter what. I am soo confused right now. Not in a good place. How did I fall in love like this...I should be over him by now. I just never met anyone like him. He felt a lot for me too. His sister said I scared him...What can I do? Help
when he ended it because he was scared and told me we would talk in the fall...I didn't understand but knew that we had a connection. I know I would feel more secure if things were ok. I hate not being able to talk to him. But he needs the space and I have to honor that. You are right that I do need to be healthy to deal with this type of relationship. I just hope that he is not so afraid that he doesn't want to try again. He just can't handle a lot of things on his plate and he didn't want to hurt me, but he has my placing me aside. Why won't he let me be there for him. It is so confusing because I do not know if it is the bp or him. His sister feels that I should not give up. I hope I am doing the right thing. Thanks for your advice brenda. It is great to talk to people with experience. It feels so overwhelming some days. I just want to be there with him. I guess I felt the same way you did..It is hard on my self - esteem.
An update...I ran into my ex today. He initiated the greeting etc. I was surprised, it was very unexpected running into him. I told him that I was picking up my new vehicle that he said was a bad idea...And today he said it is just stupid to have made the decision to buy a newer vehicle. He sounded upset with me. He has chosen not to be in my life. I will live with the consequences of a bad decision...If it is. I think that is his way of expressing concern but it is sooo hard to tell. It was a very light conversation. It made me miss him again. I won't call him now for a while. Why does he even care what decisions I make???? It has nothing to do with him. Why can't he just be happy for me??? I am going to counselling tomorrow. I need a session!!!!!
Also he didn't even call me on my birthday, he either forgot...Or chose not to phone. Aaagh
send the letter as soon as possible, when he is ready to read it he will. But if you don't send it he will never have the opertunity to know your feelings. It sounds like to much time is passing and you are both starting to get over eachother. If you are ok with that then dont send the letter. But if you really want him back in your life I would send it now. He needs to know you are willing to be there for him in good times and bad. And that you love him no matter. Hope all works out for you darlin.
just a little practical advice. Bipolar manic depression is treatable, but your ex-boyfriend needs to feel that you are suppporting his attempts to go through treatment.
If he does not admit that he has a problem and so is not currently willing to participate in treatment, it is best to distance yourself from him physically.
Keep in touch by phone, and let him know that your willingness to stick by him for the long term.
He has to feel that you are strong. Tell him your continued support is dependant on him controlling his condition by therapy and or drugs.
You can help him most by realizing this is his problem and he need to work through it.
If he persists in avoiding you or is disagreeable on the phone, you should terminate the conversation and wait a few days until he cools off.
Keep all conversations short and to the point.
People with depression tend to wander and keep the conversation going just to feel the personal connection.
Give him a week or two before pursuing these questions. Try to mentally prepare yourself before answering his calls.
Do you have call display?
With persistence and determination, you may be successful in modifying the worst of his anti-social behaviors.