.good luck

I understand where both of you are coming from, because I myself used to love my bulimia. I loved it with all my heart. I adored it, in fact. It was the sloutin to all my problems, I believed. Except then I realised it was my enemy, seeking to kill me. Bulimia is that voice in your head that keeps telling you that being thin is important, and that you can eat all you want and still be thin, without any consequences. Bulimia is that voice that beckons you to eat loads, and then punishes you by telling you off for eating! Bulimia is that voice that tells you to quickly run to the toilet and throw up while you still can, because if you don't, you will get so fat that people will hate you and be disgusted by you. Bulimia tells you you are ugly and a failure, and fatter than everybody else.

That voice is lying. It wants to hurt you, possibly kill you, because that voice embodies all the hate that you feel for yourself. But it takes a lot of hard work to tell that voice to shut up, and to start accepting yourself, warts and all. It takes some love for life and for yourself to stop committing suicide in slow motion. Because that is what we are essentially doing, by bingeing and vomiting. If you don't want to live, then you won't stop. Ever.

I used to love bulimia because it distracted me from everything that was wrong in my life. As long as you're thinking about eating, losing weight, and being thin, you don't have to deal with all the other things. We obsess about weight because we are afraid of tackling other parts of our lives. We obsess about food because it gives us so much pleasure and distraction. We spend years of our lives on food and thinking about our body, instead of investing that time into our relationships, our personal goals (and I don't mean losing weight!!!), and just in enjoying ourselves and being at ease with ourselves. And as long as we don't learn to deal with our problems in a healthy way, bulimia will kill us.

After four years, I am beating the lying voices in my head that are trying to kill me (finally!! Thank god!!!), and I hope, for your sake, that you will want to beat them too. That will happen when you confront that voice and expose it for the lying b*stard that it really is. Maybe you can turn your life around and start to enjoy living and being yourself. That is so much better than bulimia, it's much easier and much more fun, I can tell you. And then you won't mind gaining a few pounds back, because by that time you like yourself so much that you understand that a few pounds are very unimportant. That is very, very, very hard. But achieving that is the best thing that can happen to you, because then, you will be happy! :d sorry for rambling on. Nothing new there, and it may not change the way you feel, but there's no harm in trying!

My only advice is this: stick to counselling, even if you don't want to. Force yourself. I can tell from your posts that you are intelligent, sensitive girls. One day, the counsellor will get through to you. Just keep going there. Treat it as the one good thing you are doing for yourself.

Iv been doing this whole thing (purging) for really not long at all.Its just been about a week and I can stop whenever I want to becuase I still have that power to do so.But then I look at myself and force myself to vomit.Theres a part of me that sayes to continue,and theres this other part of me that says its very bad for you and will only make your road longer.But its too hard,my evil side is a little stronger than my good side.But it doesnt really bother me.Thats why I really halfto think about this before I go any further.