Hi,

dont worry. These are all the symptoms of dysthymic disorder: loss of interest in pleasurable activities, persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood, feel that life isn't worth living, etc.

Psychotherapy (psychotherapy can be a very useful way of resolving emotional and interpersonal problems associated with depression) is the treatment for choice for this psychological problem.
If you are really serious about loving her, I would suggest you go to health care professional.

One thing I want to suggest u that - you cannot force someone to say they love you. A healthy relationship is supportive but allows each partner to be the person they want to be and accepts them as such.

Good luck!

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think I have messed things up between us beyond repair. I have been doing a lot of research for her and been trying to get her to talk about it with me. Unfortunately, she is quite pessimistic about her chances for happiness and is completely sick of talking about depression. I'm sure thats just a symptom of her illness, but I fear that if she is so hesitant to talk about things and so negative about the possibilities of her recovery, that she is lessening her chances of successful recovery.

She is so tired of talking about it, and stupidly, I keep pushing her. She has started pushing me further and further away. I am so frustrated because i'm am trying so hard to help her and it only works to strengthen that wall between us. She has a few weeks before she wil even begin her therapy and unfortunately, i'm not sure that "we" will make it that long. The more I read about dysthymia, the more I am sure that all of our problems have stemmed from it. I wish I could get her to see that. I wish I knew how to give her hope that she can get better without pushing her away.

And just for the record, I never forced her to tell me that she loved me. I never pushed her at all. It was always her that seemed to be in a hurry to feel something and when it didn't happen, she bailed. Then she would miss me, we would talk, she would realize that we were great together, and she would give it another chance...For two months and it would happen all over again. I love her so much, but every part of me wants to run. It has become so difficult. It seems like this is the only thing we have to talk about anymore, but if we do, it stresses us both out and pushes us further away from one another. How do I get the closeness back? I miss her. I hate depression.

Hello,

i didn't meant that you have forced your friend for love. I just meant that you cannot ask someone to say 'i love you'.

As I have stressed previously, don't force anything on her. Let her do whatever she feels good in. But definitely keep a check on the things.

Regarding your question of getting back the closeness, talk with her about the beautiful times you have spent together. May be you can talk about any wonderful date you both enjoyed together. Relive those moments again.

Last but not the least, keep yourself calm, caring and friendly in front of her. You should not loose hope. You may also get in touch with a therapist or psychologist yourself. Ask the doc what you can do to help her.

All the best.

Tina

Hi nytbd, your situation somewhat mirrors my own. I'd been living with my partner for five happy years, when in april she told me all of a sudden that she wasn't in love with me anymore; and that she felt empty and numb inside. It happened quite suddenly, and immediately after announcing this she indicated that she wanted to move out and start over.

The sentiments she expressed at that point, i'm sure, are not dissimilar to those of your partners. She said that there was nothing wrong with our relationship, she just didn't feel 'in love' anymore. She said that even though she didn't think there was any point going on with this empty feeling inside, that she was worried she wouldn't be happy with anyone else.

After asking her for some time to reconsider, we tried sticking together for a month after that to see if things changed (at that stage I didn't suspect depression) - they didn't, and I lapsed into a state of demoralisation that closely resembled depression... Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate.. I was absolutely miserable. This of course really made things quite bad for the two of us.

I just plain couldn't understand why she couldn't explain how she felt. Worse still, if I were to push the questions, she would stress out, or be locked down by anxiety, or something - to the point where she'd just stonewall and stop talking.

She's been moved out for about a month now - however we've since discovered (over the past two months) that she has good days where she does have hope for the relationship, and bad days, where she feels that the future's quite bleak. She thinks of our relationship with a mixture of hope and dread. She can't seem to associate any good emotions with memories of us - five years' worth! So reminiscing doesn't quite help either.

The most important lesson i've learned, is not to pressure her. This has certainly helped in our relationship; believe me, when I took the same course you described, it drove her away too.

I learned to set boundaries - not to not love her, but to love myself first - and be the person that she closely resembles who she fell in love with a time ago. When I started feeling better and more confident around her, she started feeling more comfortable around me.

I still haven't heard an 'i love you' from her since april - but talk of moving out and starting over has turned to talk of 'hang in there'. It's not easy, but I try not to address her depression and neither do I try to extract some sort of affirmation of love from her because I understand that she is currently incapable of feeling these emotions healthily enough, and to ask would only mean an honest reply from her of 'i don't know if I love you', and demoralisation. This much I can control.

All I can tell her at the moment is that I love her unconditionally. Not telling her 'i love you' every time we meet as that would pressure her (we're walking on eggshells, remember? ). But as long as you have the strength and love to be there, let her know that you understand. Let her know that you're not angry with her, and that it - the depression - is happening to you both. And the both of you have to fight it.

Your partner has agreed to see a therapist, and that's a great first step. Acknowledging the issue is tremendous - my partner is seeing a therapist too, but we don't have too much faith in this particular therapist at the moment. As such, despite all i've read and learned about depression and its symptoms, as well as from the people i've spoken to - i'm pretty sure my partner's got dysthymia - but not having a health professional tell her that means she can still be in denial, and assume that the decisions she makes are hers, and the feelings she has are hers - and not caused by depression.

Hang in there - take time out to heal, tell her you love her and that you'll be there for her. But remove yourself from demoralising situations first - talk about other things. Be less selfish - ugly word, but i've been in this situation too - don't push at the depression issue with her in hopes of hearing what you want to hear from her. Believe me, the number of times i've hopefully initiated a conversation about her feelings, depression etc in hopes of "you're right, I love you, and i'm just depressed. It will be ok, i'm already feeling better." - too many to count, all have just ruined what might have been a nice evening because all I get back are "i don't know" and "i don't want to talk about it", or just stone cold silence.

Instead, help her seek help it's really hard, I know. I'm in exactly the same situation, and all I can do is hope for the best.

I'm hoping to get my partner to speak with a friend of mine who's suffered depression, and hopefully she'll be able to gain an understanding that it's not happening only to her - and that she's not at fault, and that this bleakness can be lifted. I'm also going to suggest she see a gp recommended by people who've been through depression (this is important!) - maybe with a little medication (hate the stigma that comes with that word; why not 'dietary supplements'?) she'll be able to lift her head above the clouds, think a little clearer, and hopefully - feel a little clearer too.

My heart goes out to you, man. Hang tough!

When a person is depressed it would very difficult to feel any �good� feelings about any relationship.


We need to realize that depression is a physical disease affecting the operation of the brain. Most doctors prescribe antidepressant drugs, for which there is one for every letter of the alphabet.

But drug therapy may work only temporarily and in my opinion should be used only as a last resort. Furthermore, drug therapy does not appear to correct the underlying biochemical disorder responsible for depression.


Being a physical illness, rather than a mental illness, we cannot expect talk therapy to be much useful either. If this sounds depressing there is hope at the end of the tunnel. Many doctors and psychologists are using clinical nutrition to treat depression, that could bypass both drug and/or psychotherapy.


Some studies have shown that depression is significantly associated with insulin resistance, which means that the brain is subjected to unstable blood sugar levels as its only source of energy. Thus the brain is not being supplied with normal levels of glucose, its only source of energy.


The non-drug treatment is going on the hypoglycemic diet, high in good quality proteins and low in refined carbohydrates, consumed in small frequent snacks, accompanied with several vitamins and minerals especially zinc, vitamin c, chromium picolinate, fish oil. This diet is very similar to a diabetic diet.


This slows down the absorption of glucose, avoids the wild peaks and falls of blood sugar levels, and prevents the excess secretion of adrenaline, that are said to be responsible for anxiety attacks and depression

i am sure if your partner adopts the hypoglycemic diet, after some time her depression will lift, moods will stabilize and she will feel more in control of herself.


It is only when the physical aspects of depression is being treated that psychotherapy may be helpful. After having suffered from depression for many years her self-confidence may have been affected. A possible low self-esteem may trigger stressful social situations, that might trigger stress hormones interfering with the synthesis of our happy hormone in the brain, serotonin.


Please discuss this with your doctor or counsellor

jurriaan plesman

While changing diet can for numerous reasons help many conditions/illnesses it is sometimes diffficult/impossible/impractical or people are unwilling.

Ces machines as well as sound & light machines however are light convenient & can work many wonders with no side effect & virtually zero (except for batteries) on-going costs(total cost for both start at $us300).

I would suggest that anyone with depression, anxiety, sleep problems (not sleep apnea but other problems sleeping) pain, migraines, stress etc etc look into the uses & benefits of these machines.

Nytbd - your lady might be willing to give a ces machine a try - I use mine when on the computer or watching tv or reading, my husband prefers to use his while working or resting!! Ask a dr if he/she knows anywhere you can borrow or rent one to see if it helps - or contact dynamind.Com or alph-stim.Com & ask if they can help re renting one. Also if she wants to email me to ask about how greatly it has helped me etc pm me & i'll give you my email address.

** some huge benefits of these machines is that you can use them when you choose & you aren't having to "talk" to anyone to get better & nor are they hard to use etc.

Depresion & brain chemistry imbalance can also be helped by such natural meds as 5htp, dhea, sam-e, gingko, valerian, st johns wort. Another way is to take a 30-60 minute walk about dawn when something in the sunsrays works to balance the brain chemistry (even if its overcast).

Wow! You sound like such a great guy. So nice and understanding.

I know when I get depressed I feel like I "fall out of love" with my husband. Then when I get back on meds, I love him again.

Hang in there. I hope she comes around and falls in love with you.