Desperate Guy Needs Help Please Posted: 07-10-04 21:11pm
Hi i'm a 32 yr lonely guy never been
married or been with a girl. I'm single
and really depress. I need someone to
talk to really bad for some advice and
help .Have only three friends only on the
internet and no friends or what you call a
social life. I'm disable with a right leg
larger then the other. Have been with
other medical conditions. I'm really a
nice and fun loving caring type
person.Hope some of you out there will
email me and I prove it. In feb of this
year I met a girl from a chatroom .She is
thai and from thailand .Shes very nice and
caring .Well we being seeing each other on
cam. I call her almost every weekend .
We chat always and are planning to meet
each other next year I hope. She says she
want to be with me. I told her I want to
married her in 5 years still I hope.
I'm worried for her she's bored everyday
and gets upset real easy.
I try everything make her happy. Bought
her 2 gold rings ,a necklace roses on
occasion. I sent her a shirt of mine just
to hug on when she miss me .I made her
cute picts .Sent her cards,made her a
poem,sing to her done the best I could do.
Even on afther her birthday still board
.She hurt me this past week.She thinks
she's not good enough for me and told me
maybe I should find some other girl and we
break up. Never felt so much hurt next
to the day my mother died . I broke down
and cry like a baby
couldnt help it .Then later she said she
wont leave me. Later that night cry again
in my bed .She
hardly says to me she loves me and says
she misses me . I can't help this
feeling. I need her to say she loves me
more. I say it and mean it twice a day to
her. I just feel like she losing intress
in me worrys me alot . I told her if lose
her I lose my life
.Sorry everyone if I made this a really
long post and post it under wrong topic
.Just need to get it out of me and need
someone to turn to and chat with.
|
sparky_777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Australia
Posted: 07-10-04 23:17pm
Buddy, you sound like a nice guy and I
feel for you. The only advice I can give
you is to get to thailand and see this
girl in person as soon as you possibly
can. I know you can get close to someone
via the internet and telephone, but there
comes a time when you would just need
physical contact. It sounds like she may
not be as strong as you and is starting to
find it hard to not be with you. If you
are really serious about loving her, I
would suggest you go to thailand soon
mate! Good luck!
|
Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004 Posts: 26 Location: USA
Posted: 07-11-04 12:23pm
Thanks man, im planning to visit her next
year or possible her see me. Still kinda
worry trying ask her if she loves me. I
don't know if she is teasing me or not.
I need to know if she really in love with
me. How can I get her to say she loves
me? I really need to know. Before she
told me now she just says she misses me
with some cute happy face. I don't know
if im losing it man or what but any way
thanks for your response and help and
advice.
|
sparky_777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Australia
Posted: 07-12-04 04:15am
Hi.
It sounds like your really serious about
this girl, but.....You cannot force
someone to say they love you. Even if
they feel they might love you, doesnt
particularly mean they will say it. To
me it sounds like you may be putting a bit
too much pressure on her, and she feels a
bit scared to say it back to you. The
fact she says she misses you with a happy
face means she obviously does care about
you.....And maybe thats all it can be
until you can have physical contact. I
do not think she is teasing you at all
because she has spent so much of her time
getting to know you. But all I can
suggest is to maybe reduce a little bit of
pressure when it comes to the big 'l'
word, and to actually put it in cement a
date or at least a month when you are
going to see her or vice-versa, so at
least you both know you are going to see
each other for sure.
Hope I have helped you a little bit to be
a bit more optimistic about your
situation. I really hope it all works
out for you mate.
|
Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004 Posts: 26 Location: USA
Posted: 07-13-04 12:12pm
Hi thanks for the reply again man yeah I
know I shouldnt ask so many times just
yesterday she said it I did ask her and
told her I need the feeling if she does or
not love me she said yes and blush so im
going leave it like that and take your
advice not presure her into it cause dont
want to lose a good thing I got here shes
only thing that keeps me going in my life
and beside all this depression and body
problems I got she helps me ignore that I
sure thank you for the advice man need all
I can if you or any others would like to
chat you can reach me at outs
ider_le@hotmail.Com would like make
some good friends
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ceb
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 14 Location: usa
Desperate Guy Posted: 07-13-04 12:37pm
I am sorry u r feeling so bad. I think
it would be great for u to get out of your
house and meet people or get in a support
group. My son is disabled and very rare
do we go anywhere and it is difficult.
It is very isolating. This thing w/ the
woman well I don't know what to say on
that. I have a hard enough time w/ my
own relationships so I feel I have no
right to suggest anything.
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Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004 Posts: 26 Location: USA
Posted: 07-13-04 13:20pm
Hi nice to meet you ceb thank you for your
kind words I am too sorry and hope
everything goes ok with you and your son
being stuck at home is not fun I agree you
can tell me anything on the relationship I
dont mind wish I can give you any advice
as well I hope I can make some friend on
my contacts on msn would like to chat and
have a listening ear good luck wish the
best for you ceb take care
|
KittyKat
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2003 Posts: 39
Posted: 07-21-04 19:35pm
Outsider,
you sound like a wonderful person.
Before anyone can really love you, you
will need to try and love & accept
yourself. Until then, you will never
feel like her or anyone else's love is
enough. I think it's wonderful that you
buy her gifts, but be careful. If she
cares, she will love you without anything
expensive. I also think it would be good
if you can fly out and meet her. I know
you say you want to marry her, but be
sure. Marrying the first person you fall
in love with could be a mistake. I know
you say you have medical problems, but
there are women out there who will love
you for who you are. If you have a good
heart and are a good person, who would't
love you? Be careful and don't feel so
alone. There are so many people out
there waiting for someone like yourself.
Take care,
kitty
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SallyDallyDoo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Tennessee
Posted: 08-10-04 09:45am
Hi outsider,
here's my .02 cents, coming from a girl
who was rejected and despondent for a long
time too. I honestly saw my future as
being single, miserable, living with my
parents for all eternity. I made a few
changes and have ended up happier than I
ever dreamed.
Are you in love with this girl, or in love
with being loved? Is it her as a person
you desire, or the fact that she has up to
now reciprocated? There's a bi-i-ig
difference there. If she truly loves
you, then she doesn't need to be "bought".
Sending trinkets is nice but if the love
is there, she will cherish your
handwritten letters and photos more than
stuff.
Your desperation may be pushing her away.
Don't be "needy". Give her some space.
Tell her you love her but don't make any
demands or beg for her to respond in kind.
Get out! You need some irl
companionship. You don't say what your
other medical conditions are so I don't
know if you have any limitations, but get
out there and market yourself! No one is
going to show up at your door begging you
to be friends. Make yourself available.
Attend church, join volunteer
organizations, be a big brother, read to
little kids at school. Go to concerts,
dances, movies, bookstores, carnivals.
Wherever you are, smile.
Be the first to speak. Ask questions
about others' interests. Be your own
cheerleader. You will probably have to
force yourself at first, even to the point
of rehearsing at home. It gets the ball
rolling, though, and really does work.
Be your own best friend. Easier said
than done, I know, but people pick up on
others' "karma" and that can be either a
positive or negative force. Think of all
the great things about you, no matter how
small. Maybe you have strong hands or a
hearty laugh or make a killer lasagna,
whatever you can think of, write it down!
If seeing some other guy who seems to
have the perfect life brings you down,
makes you wish you were that guy, remember
that even mr. Universe wakes up with
morning breath. There's no perfect
person out there, and you have stuff that
makes you just as good (or often better)
than the next guy.
Improve yourself. Don't stagnate.
Pursue an interest, whether it be
career-oriented, something in sports or
music, collecting, whatever. There is
fun to be had if you get out and do it.
Why sit around being sorry for yourself
and waiting for joy and love and life to
ring your doorbell? Humans have the
capacity to learn and grow and change
their entire lives, so embrace it. Have
you learned any thai for your girl? Give
it a try and practice on her. She'll
love it...The fact that you put time and
effort into it for her will be far more
impressive than the actual results. When
my husband and I were dating(he's my first
and only boyfriend!), he would sometimes
stop by the roadside to pick me flowers,
which are a thousand times better than a
flower shop bouquet. It's the effort and
thought, not the thing.
I've had a lot of challenges in my life
too and have learned one big thing
overall: it's my choice whether or not to
be happy. Life happens. There is
nothing, nobody that will look after me
the way I can, and nothing or nobody that
gives a rip about my having a good life.
It's all up to me to take what i've got at
any given moment and find the joy. I'm
not guaranteed that tomorrow I will have a
marriage, family, home, friends, health,
whatever. I do have this moment, I can
appreciate what I have at this moment, do
what I can to nurture it all, and hang on
for the ride. I want to be happy, so
therefore I can be and I am. Am I
perfect? Posolutely absotively not.
But I like me.
I like you, too. You sound like a really
nice guy with a big heart and a lot to
offer. Just gotta work on the ol'
confidence.
Hi thanks for the good advice :d I made
three good friends up here and your one
of them yes im in love with this girl she
means everything to me im hopeing by next
year I can go see her I know your right I
need to get out more but I cant meet other
girls I would feel like I would be
cheating on her I do go to the movies
and mall and thinking about going to the
library down here I use to do that before
I moved down here im trying inprove my
myself going look diff lose weight I
already lost some build my mussels up soon
maybe sooner we talk on the phone
sometimes the weekends she knows shes the
only girl I talk too and today she knew
she was the only one on my messenger I
think there r times we have our ups and
down she makes me feel so great one day
then the next I be feeling want to sleep
the whole day over by the past days I had
understand that I tell her I love her
everyday and the other day she said she
loved me :d there r times I miss her so
much I want to cry myself to sleep sally I
have one larger leg then the other they
call it lympitist I have also where my
intestines are rough inside of me and
supposed to be smooth that hurts once in a
while but dont bother me much as long I
eat something the pain gos away im am over
weight as well I wish I can do all the
things u mention sally I really wish I
could I think when my mom passed away it
took hafe of me away sometime I wish I
didnt have feelings other times I think I
was a mistake being born since then I knew
no ones going live forever and I have to
start looking afther me the two most
biggest fears I have is loosing my girl
and being alone I do have a hobby but not
into it like I was im just into making
this girl happy and that we share the same
prob s together we think alike she taught
me some thai language I make her so shy on
the phone we r both shy matter of fact
she has a nice smile a pretty laugh and
beauty that makes my hart beat fast shes
the only thing thats holding me together
that was sweet how your husband got
flowers for u I hope u doing ok to u r
really nice too thank u for your email
and the nice letter look forward to
hearing from u again :d
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 08-13-04 10:27am
I learned this lesson too late,maybe it
can be helpful to you.If someone tells you
that they are no good for you-they are
right!!!!!!!!!I had an ex-boyfriend tell
me that and I wish I had listened!It
sounds like she is looking for a ticket to
america and you were not producing the
desired results fast enough.You should not
have to amuse and cajole someone to love
you.I know you are just trying to find
someone to love,that's what we all
want,right?Presents are nice,but are not
the only way to show someone you care.It
sounds like you were the one doing all the
work here,buddy and none of it was good
enough.You are lucky you did not get her
over here only to be heart-broken.Move
on,there is someone out hter for you.When
you least expect it,there it will be!I was
ready to give up,too when I met my
husband.11 years later,we're still
happy.Love will find you when the moment
is right.Chin up!!!Patty
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Outsider
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2004 Posts: 26 Location: USA
Posted: 08-13-04 18:58pm
Thanks patty for your letter no shes dont
want to come over here she wants me over
there thanks for your corcern patty im
real close to her sometimes she makes me
feel terrible other times she make me so
happy as I can ever be I cant lose her me
and her has almost same things in common
with the other we both miss each other im
afraid I dont want another I try stick my
chin up but always it drops back down
thank u trying to help me and try make
feel better patty I hope we stay in
contact with each other :d
couldnt help it .Then later she said she
wont leave me. Later that night cry again
in my bed 
.Sorry everyone if I made this a really
long post and post it under wrong topic
.Just need to get it out of me and need
someone to turn to and chat with.
thank you for your
kind words I am too sorry and hope
everything goes ok with you and your son
being stuck at home is not fun I agree you
can tell me anything on the relationship I
dont mind wish I can give you any advice
as well I hope I can make some friend on
my contacts on msn would like to chat and
have a listening ear good luck wish the
best for you ceb take care