Buddy, you sound like a nice guy and I feel for you. The only advice I can give you is to get to thailand and see this girl in person as soon as you possibly can. I know you can get close to someone via the internet and telephone, but there comes a time when you would just need physical contact. It sounds like she may not be as strong as you and is starting to find it hard to not be with you. If you are really serious about loving her, I would suggest you go to thailand soon mate! Good luck!

Thanks man, im planning to visit her next year or possible her see me. Still kinda worry trying ask her if she loves me. I don't know if she is teasing me or not. I need to know if she really in love with me. How can I get her to say she loves me? I really need to know. Before she told me now she just says she misses me with some cute happy face. I don't know if im losing it man or what but any way thanks for your response and help and advice.

Hi.

It sounds like your really serious about this girl, but.....You cannot force someone to say they love you. Even if they feel they might love you, doesnt particularly mean they will say it. To me it sounds like you may be putting a bit too much pressure on her, and she feels a bit scared to say it back to you. The fact she says she misses you with a happy face means she obviously does care about you.....And maybe thats all it can be until you can have physical contact. I do not think she is teasing you at all because she has spent so much of her time getting to know you. But all I can suggest is to maybe reduce a little bit of pressure when it comes to the big 'l' word, and to actually put it in cement a date or at least a month when you are going to see her or vice-versa, so at least you both know you are going to see each other for sure.

Hope I have helped you a little bit to be a bit more optimistic about your situation. I really hope it all works out for you mate.

Hi thanks for the reply again man yeah I know I shouldnt ask so many times just yesterday she said it I did ask her and told her I need the feeling if she does or not love me she said yes and blush so im going leave it like that and take your advice not presure her into it cause dont want to lose a good thing I got here shes only thing that keeps me going in my life and beside all this depression and body problems I got she helps me ignore that I sure thank you for the advice man need all I can if you or any others would like to chat me, would like make some good friends

I am sorry u r feeling so bad. I think it would be great for u to get out of your house and meet people or get in a support group. My son is disabled and very rare do we go anywhere and it is difficult. It is very isolating. This thing w/ the woman well I don't know what to say on that. I have a hard enough time w/ my own relationships so I feel I have no right to suggest anything.

Hi nice to meet you ceb thank you for your kind words I am too sorry and hope everything goes ok with you and your son being stuck at home is not fun I agree you can tell me anything on the relationship I dont mind wish I can give you any advice as well I hope I can make some friend on my contacts on msn would like to chat and have a listening ear good luck wish the best for you ceb take care

Outsider,
you sound like a wonderful person. Before anyone can really love you, you will need to try and love & accept yourself. Until then, you will never feel like her or anyone else's love is enough. I think it's wonderful that you buy her gifts, but be careful. If she cares, she will love you without anything expensive. I also think it would be good if you can fly out and meet her. I know you say you want to marry her, but be sure. Marrying the first person you fall in love with could be a mistake. I know you say you have medical problems, but there are women out there who will love you for who you are. If you have a good heart and are a good person, who would't love you? Be careful and don't feel so alone. There are so many people out there waiting for someone like yourself.

Take care,
kitty

Hi outsider,
here's my .02 cents, coming from a girl who was rejected and despondent for a long time too. I honestly saw my future as being single, miserable, living with my parents for all eternity. I made a few changes and have ended up happier than I ever dreamed.


Are you in love with this girl, or in love with being loved? Is it her as a person you desire, or the fact that she has up to now reciprocated? There's a bi-i-ig difference there. If she truly loves you, then she doesn't need to be "bought". Sending trinkets is nice but if the love is there, she will cherish your handwritten letters and photos more than stuff.


Your desperation may be pushing her away. Don't be "needy". Give her some space. Tell her you love her but don't make any demands or beg for her to respond in kind.

Get out! You need some irl companionship. You don't say what your other medical conditions are so I don't know if you have any limitations, but get out there and market yourself! No one is going to show up at your door begging you to be friends. Make yourself available. Attend church, join volunteer organizations, be a big brother, read to little kids at school. Go to concerts, dances, movies, bookstores, carnivals. Wherever you are, smile. Be the first to speak. Ask questions about others' interests. Be your own cheerleader. You will probably have to force yourself at first, even to the point of rehearsing at home. It gets the ball rolling, though, and really does work.

Be your own best friend. Easier said than done, I know, but people pick up on others' "karma" and that can be either a positive or negative force. Think of all the great things about you, no matter how small. Maybe you have strong hands or a hearty laugh or make a killer lasagna, whatever you can think of, write it down! If seeing some other guy who seems to have the perfect life brings you down, makes you wish you were that guy, remember that even mr. Universe wakes up with morning breath. There's no perfect person out there, and you have stuff that makes you just as good (or often better) than the next guy.


Improve yourself. Don't stagnate. Pursue an interest, whether it be career-oriented, something in sports or music, collecting, whatever. There is fun to be had if you get out and do it. Why sit around being sorry for yourself and waiting for joy and love and life to ring your doorbell? Humans have the capacity to learn and grow and change their entire lives, so embrace it. Have you learned any thai for your girl? Give it a try and practice on her. She'll love it...The fact that you put time and effort into it for her will be far more impressive than the actual results. When my husband and I were dating(he's my first and only boyfriend!), he would sometimes stop by the roadside to pick me flowers, which are a thousand times better than a flower shop bouquet. It's the effort and thought, not the thing.


I've had a lot of challenges in my life too and have learned one big thing overall: it's my choice whether or not to be happy. Life happens. There is nothing, nobody that will look after me the way I can, and nothing or nobody that gives a rip about my having a good life. It's all up to me to take what i've got at any given moment and find the joy. I'm not guaranteed that tomorrow I will have a marriage, family, home, friends, health, whatever. I do have this moment, I can appreciate what I have at this moment, do what I can to nurture it all, and hang on for the ride. I want to be happy, so therefore I can be and I am. Am I perfect? Posolutely absotively not. But I like me.


I like you, too. You sound like a really nice guy with a big heart and a lot to offer. Just gotta work on the ol' confidence.


Sally

Hi thanks for the good advice :d I made three good friends up here and your one of them yes im in love with this girl she means everything to me im hopeing by next year I can go see her I know your right I need to get out more but I cant meet other girls I would feel like I would be cheating on her I do go to the movies and mall and thinking about going to the library down here I use to do that before I moved down here im trying inprove my myself going look diff lose weight I already lost some build my mussels up soon maybe sooner we talk on the phone sometimes the weekends she knows shes the only girl I talk too and today she knew she was the only one on my messenger I think there r times we have our ups and down she makes me feel so great one day then the next I be feeling want to sleep the whole day over by the past days I had understand that I tell her I love her everyday and the other day she said she loved me :d there r times I miss her so much I want to cry myself to sleep sally I have one larger leg then the other they call it lympitist I have also where my intestines are rough inside of me and supposed to be smooth that hurts once in a while but dont bother me much as long I eat something the pain gos away im am over weight as well I wish I can do all the things u mention sally I really wish I could I think when my mom passed away it took hafe of me away sometime I wish I didnt have feelings other times I think I was a mistake being born since then I knew no ones going live forever and I have to start looking afther me the two most biggest fears I have is loosing my girl and being alone I do have a hobby but not into it like I was im just into making this girl happy and that we share the same prob s together we think alike she taught me some thai language I make her so shy on the phone we r both shy matter of fact she has a nice smile a pretty laugh and beauty that makes my hart beat fast shes the only thing thats holding me together that was sweet how your husband got flowers for u I hope u doing ok to u r really nice too thank u for your email and the nice letter look forward to hearing from u again :d

I learned this lesson too late,maybe it can be helpful to you.If someone tells you that they are no good for you-they are right!!!!!!!!!I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that and I wish I had listened!It sounds like she is looking for a ticket to america and you were not producing the desired results fast enough.You should not have to amuse and cajole someone to love you.I know you are just trying to find someone to love,that's what we all want,right?Presents are nice,but are not the only way to show someone you care.It sounds like you were the one doing all the work here,buddy and none of it was good enough.You are lucky you did not get her over here only to be heart-broken.Move on,there is someone out hter for you.When you least expect it,there it will be!I was ready to give up,too when I met my husband.11 years later,we're still happy.Love will find you when the moment is right.Chin up!!!Patty

Thanks patty for your letter no shes dont want to come over here she wants me over there thanks for your corcern patty im real close to her sometimes she makes me feel terrible other times she make me so happy as I can ever be I cant lose her me and her has almost same things in common with the other we both miss each other im afraid I dont want another I try stick my chin up but always it drops back down thank u trying to help me and try make feel better patty I hope we stay in contact with each other :d